Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Butterflies

Butterflies in my stomach for various reasons...
Life's like that, isn't it?
A riddle, a maze
Unpredictable.

The things I've gone through
still seem alien, a stranger
like a foreigner i wade through
experiences in life, that i've gone thru
so many times before.

I'm scared, but i don't show it
Confused, but still clear
there's things in life that are still certain
still true, still real.

I'm in a whole new territory
terrified? you betcha
but i still smile
even with the butterflies in my stomach...


I'm nervous about dNA. And about life from now on. Haiz.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Erm........shud i scream???

So SPM's over.

Checking all my other friend's blogs, it's mostly lots of screamings and shouts of joy. And I too am happy too. But I dunno. I just don't really feel like screaming. After yelling a bit and high-fiving Clement, it was like, ok. Nothing left to do.

I'm really, really glad it's done with though. And I'm soooo thankful for God's grace throughout the long long exam...everything came out quite...ok. Surprisingly.

Now I have to speed-read 2 books for dNA!!!! ahhhhhhhhhh......haiz.
But I really will enjoy myself this time..can't wait.

So yeah you won't be seeing me for 10 days...sigh. But I'll be back.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!SPM OVER!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHA...

Sunday, December 6, 2009

BK saved!

BK is officially SAVED!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Ok la sorry but it is really good news to all christian students out there. With the maximum number of spm subjects extended to 12, science stream students can take accounts, BK n Chinese too if they want to.

So I really REALLY encourage all christian students to take this subjects. Is it easy? Well, no subject is easy. But Bible Knowledge (in case you dunno wat BK is) is easier than most as it is basically reading and rereading the two books Acts and Luke. And answering questions.

I'd love it Bukit Mewah Christian students. especially those in f3 n f4 take up BK as an SPM subject. This is the one chance we have to stand up and say "Yes I am serious as a christian, that's why i take BK". This is one of the many ways we can make a statement throughout the country that there are students out there who believe in Jesus Christ our Saviour.

I think that's why i took BK i think, eventhough i was the only one in my school this year. I could really see the candidates surrounding me (taking Islam) noticing me. Even the examiners were taking an interest in it. It was as if I really was a witness to them abt Christ. I would hv felt better if I didn't do soooo badly. T.T I mixed up a lot of things. But I hope i did ok. I think i will. I pray I will.

So OI! All you CF ppl ah, Please consider BK. I'm willing to give you my textbooks too if you don't hv money to buy them. And i'm willing to help you whenever you need it. BK really opened my eyes to God's Word, and as I was forced to read and read and read it again and again, I can remember stories of God's grace and goodness, and in a way it encourages me throughout my life. I can assure you that BK is a subject that will prepare you for LIFE. So please, please take the subject and be a witness to the country.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Lets' destress......and melt, esp the girls haha..
Guy Sebastian's Perfection was written for his wife for their wedding methinks....so sweet...aww..
*Perfection* - Guy Sebastian

Peter can you gather the angels all around
I need everyone to get this down. . .
This will not be easy coz what I'm asking for
Is something we have never tried before

(chorus)
Let's make a girl,
But not just any girl,
She needs to be Perfect, Perfect. . .
Add some Beautiful . . . Throw in some Divine
She needs to define *Perfection*
Don't forget the sugar..... Make it so she's sweet
From her head to her feet . . . *Perfection*

Go and get Picasso, he can paint her eyes
Michelangelo can paint her smile . . .
And when we're finally finished I want nothing less
Than for all of us to stand here. . . Breathless

(chorus)
Let's make a girl,
But not just any girl,
She needs to be Perfect, Perfect. . .
Add some Beautiful . . . Throw in some Divine
She needs to define *Perfection*
Don't forget the sugar..... Make it so she's sweet
From her head to her feet . . . *Perfection*

All the Angels said "Can we keep her . . .She's so beautiful"
But God said "Someone down there needs her
. . . and he can't live without her, without her"

She's so beautiful . . .She's flawlessly Divine
And yes she defines . . . *Perfection*
Please don't change a thing
It's obvious to me....that what I see is... *Perfection*

When she's 21 she'll change somebody's life
When she's 28 she'll be his wife.

This is the song..




Beautiful kan?? Haiz...love it so much...His collaboration with Jordin Sparks for 'The Art Of Love' also very 'chun' wei...
I'm a Guy Sebastian fan!!!Officially..haha.
But need to study now...ONE MORE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!@.@

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

gearing up

Right now, if I picture my self, it's like my army is preparing for war. I can smell the hot acrid smell of metal as arrowheads are forged, the smoke that rises from the blacksmith fires, horses in the stable, dusty parchments as maps are taken out and strategies debated.

And there's the clanking of swords and armor, the rattle of spears, the neighing of restless horses, commands and orders shouted across the fort, men's quiet discussions about the coming battle.....

War. We're off to war.

And there's no turning back.

The ultimate question that resounds in my mind now is: have I done enough??

21 more days and counting.......

Monday, October 19, 2009

to not know...

i don't.............understand
why are you hurt?
what have i done?
what have i said?

please tell me
i know you're hurt
and i know i'm at fault
but how? how?
i don't know how i did it.....

confused, upset
cut to the core...
why has my sunny world turned gray?
i'm heartbroken

trying my best
to be God's best
to love, to hope,
to keep the smile on my face
but pain....oh the pain..

tell me
why do i cry these tears
for you?
what have i done?
for i, i don't know..

never felt this sore...
will i be scarred for life?
one thing i'm sure of
i'll never heal until i know..

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Emo @ Trials

I got a bit emo during trials..........i drew these..........Don't ask me why..... they're aren't that good, but i must say i'm rather impressed......i usually suck at drawing..
Don't ask me why i drew that I lost my mind i think.......I like this one though.....modified it with picasa

this is in black and white!!


The not so Golden Snitch....haha



The cuter version................i think.

Anyway, trials wasn't such a fiasco after all, praise God!!
I think i did really bad in sejarah and physics again....but hopefully my chemistry and biology would be able to improve.....

I also was the source of curiosity and amusement for the teachers when i sat for BK....
I think they really didn't know wat to make of me...haha.
But the BK paper had one incomplete question!! Hiyoh....
and naturally none of the teachers in my school knows what to do or what the other part of the question is........hmph. I don't really now wat to do...Can those marks be a bonus??=p

Anyway, SPM is in two months, so you won't be hearing from me for a long time...
I really need to work on my sejarah and three science subjects.
Until next time!
May your swords stay sharp!


Thursday, August 20, 2009

If you're wondering why i sound so crazy in my latest post, it's cause i think i am getting a bit too solemn...ha, just look at my previous post.......sounds so mature.....which i am not! not yet anyway...
needed to lightened the place up.

Breather!

Ha, so the first week of trial is over! ~yay~
Right now, both armies are having a breather......not sure how they call that in battle language, reprieve? i guess so...
Anyway, the little grey cells in my brain are recuperating now.....I'm glad to say that i managed to do better, i think. At least in my Math and BM, i hope.

Sejarah was a major flop, AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I'm facing this when i go for Sejarah exam.....
Why can't i beat this stupid subject!!????

Boo hoo....
Can't say much about english..........I think it went ok. But I don't like my essays.......so cheesy and melodramatic.

Now I have Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Add Maths and Bible Knowledge to worry about. And Moral!! Trials are SUCH a trial.........................


Trial trial trial
Drives me wild wild wild
Dunno wat to do do do
Wish it will end soon soon soon...

Please pray for my Bible Knowledge especially, Cause this would be the first time I sat for a Bk exam. I never had one ever!!!! so i have no idea wat to expect, or how much to write.I hope i can finish within the time limit. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.


On the bright side, Prefect's Farewell is tomorrow and I'm a guest of honour!! Haha....feels weird not having to plan or perform anymore....

Then it's one week break for me to cram cram cram and the battle is on all over again!!



BRING IT ON!!



FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

Praying for the rest of you who are taking exam.....do your best!
With Christ we can do all things!!

oh! yeah! One more thing....

Someone's lost a blue pen, don't know who,
Now i have it and i dunno wat to do
I didn't mean to take it, it wasn't meant to be
So can the owner please come and see me?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Last Words..

Tomorrow, I retire as Treasurer of SMK Bukit Mewah's Prefectorial Board 08/09.
Wow.
Anyway, I penned these thoughts down when I got sick of studying sejarah, and I might as well post them now....

I'm retiring. A full year of service as treasurer is (finally) coming to an end. And here I am, at the precipice of the end. In a few hours time, I give up my post to the future generation.
I never expected myself to be part of the prefect committee. I believe that many others didn't as well. I admit that I wished for it, but it never crossed my mind that it would actually happen, least of all me being treasurer. Handling money is the worst thing one could ever put me in charge of.
God has been good. Despite my numerous mistakes and miscalculations, my disorganized personality, my lazy procrastinating attitude, He has led me, pulled me through the whole time, and now I can pass on the account with peace knowing that it is intact. It is only by His grace and mercy and unconditional love that such a miracle could happen, that I could carry my responsibilities so well. And not only these responsibilities, but also others as treasurer to cf and vice-president to chess club.
It has been a long, long year; full of challenges and hardships, disappointments and defeats. But I was never alone, God was with me always, and because of Him I too have tasted success and happiness, joy and satisfaction.
To the future AJKs, present prefects, and the countless generation of other prefects who would not read this: Being a prefect is NOT easy. In this school, it never will be. But it is a task that you should undertake with your head held high, for each and every one of you represents our school. You are the essence, the core of what our school is. Sentimental me, I guess. But it's true. Many of us complain and ometimes slack. I do that myself sometimes; but I never, NEVER regretted signing up to be a prefect. Never. And you shouldn't either. Do not let people (i.e. teachers and a certain *ahem*) or situations (i.e. fights, politics, favourtism,etc.) bog you down. You are NOT serving THEM. You are serving our school-SMK BUKIT MEWAH. It is an honour, one that you should never despise or take for granted.
To the Christian prefects, I urge you to let your light shine as you carry out the duties God has given you. You are NOT a prefect by accident. It wasn't because a teacher recommended you, or because the school chose you, or because you volunteered. God place you at such a time and place for a PURPOSE. Hehas something for you in mind. Be optimistic, trust in God, never be diheartened by the troubles and problems surrounding you.
To the future AJKs, ALWAYS BE UNITED!!! All of you need each other, from the Head Prefect right down to the lowest trainee. Never argue among yourselves, stay untied and follow the path that has been laid down by us and the AJKs of old. You must be as brothers and sisters, as comrades in battle. You MUST. there is no other way to success, I assure you that. Be respecful to authority, but remember to always state your own opinions, especially when they are wrong. Always think about your fellow prefects and their welfare. This will be the most ardous journey that you will yet to undertake, and you must be strong and as one. Begin and end well. I trust you all will do your best, and my trust is not something you should take lightly.
Finally, I'd like to thank each and every prefect for helping in some small way in making my job easier. Whether it was paying up on time or following my orders, it was a blessing and an encouragement.
To the Previous AJKs, (Yunying and Then they all), I thank you for your little words of advice, your powerful example, and most importantly, your faith in me. I was an unlikely ajk, I know, but still you supported me all the way. You may not feel that you have done so, but the little things that you have done unconsciouly I will never forget.
To my fellow comrades: Hua Chiam, Jon, Ara, Shaki, Chin Chin, Jamie and Navin- what can I say?? Thank you all so so much. We're really worked wonders together-our camp, the gala, etc etc. I have learnt so much from all of you, and I love you all. I hope that I have given to all of you as much as you gave me. And I apologized for my moments of ignorance, incompetence, procrastination, forgetfulness, carelessness, lack of discretion and all the other mistakes i have made. To Ara and Chin Chin especially, thank you for the times you held me up when I was in doubt, when I lacked faith in the board and in myself. It is through you two especially that God showed me that there is still light and hope even in my darkess hours, and I am forever grateful. I cherish you, and I hope that I have been as good a friend as you were to me, for I have no other way to repay you. May our friendship be forever, and may God light your path and give you faith.
And truly, to God be all glory and power, honour and praise! For it is He who has changed me and guided me, who encourage me and gave me strength and wisdom, who gave me hope and salvation, and made me who I am today. Because of Him, I willingly let the curtain fall, as I take my final bow, with no regrets..


Well, well, that's that. I wanted to say some stuff about CF and even Chess Club, and Debate too, but it's too too long. I bet you all are asleep already. When I die, I will take a long long time to do so if I want to say my last words. Either that, or God must take me away suddenly, so I don't say them at all. Haha.

So I'll write another time. And back to Sejarah.......=(

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Sanggup Berkorban untuk Negara Practical Lesson

'Are you in plkn?' 'Are you?'

That's the question that has been hounding me for some time now. Everybody wants to know. My juniors, my friends, my tuition mates, my family members, etc etc.

And in contrast to my calm and casual reply 'yes', they exclaim in shock, 'WHAT!!' 'Aduh!!'

Erm, hello? I'm the one going, not you.

I was quite calm when I checked and found that I was in. Ever since Arnan 'escaped' PLKN, I was sure that I would get it. Did I want to go? No. But I resigned myself to such a fate a year ago. So this comes as no surprise to me. And I'm not afraid. At least, I think I'm not. As far as I'm concerned, if you can survive three bukit mewah prefect camps, you can survive anything. Especially if you survived last year's camp and managed to survive organizing this year's camp, as I have done. But lately, I'm beginning to feel somewhat disturbed over my destiny.

I've heard snatches of conversations from other 'unfortunate' fellows who were trying to figure out a way to aviod this predicament. 'I have a health problem, looking at me!' 'I've heard of a doctor who will not clear you for plkn if you ask'......etc,etc.

Heck, I even found a question posted on Yahoo asking How to Avoid PLKN. wow.

Which makes me wonder: Is that the right attitude one should have towards PLKN?

Sure, you don't need to tell me the numerous reasons why us youth feel that way. I know and struggle with them myself.

1. Waste of time. Others are applying for scholarships, getting experience by working, taking driving lessons, going college, etcetc; and I will be stuck, for three months, in an extended prefect camp. I would learn some skills and such, but it would still be quite waste of time. I mean, 3 months!!!! I was actually thinking of joining the SU programme they had for after f5s. Now I can't.

2. High mortality rate. Look at it this way: we're not at war, and we only have one or two sessions playing around with firearms. Tons of money are being spent on insuring the comfort and safety of all PLKNers, so why are there still so many young ppl dying? Which country would have such a high casualty of deaths in a training centre? This is something to worry about. I would not like to die at eighteen at a training camp.

3. Terrible food, accomdation, etc. From the testimony of former PLKNers, it is really, really bad. One of my friends said that he had to go vegitarian. There were stories of food poisoning. Remember, I'm going to spend 3 months there.....3 months with bad food and smelly toilets? Three days at prefect camp, fine. 3 months..............................

And so on and so forth. Not to mention that I am also terribly afraid that I can't manage the activities there. I can even touch my toes without bending my knees. Three days of prefect camp is fine, because that's how long my adrenaline drive can last. I've never tried 3 months. Have I mentioned that I'm practically blind without my specs?

So, what does it come down to? Am I willing to spend three months at a camp where I might not make it out alive?

Touch wood, you say. But I do bother about that.

If I want to avoid PLKN, I can. I know I can. Many have done so. But....is that the right thing?

In moral class, we learn the nilai sanggup berkorban untuk negara. The willingness to sacrifice anything we have, including our lives for our nation.

In the Bible, Jesus once said, 'Give to Ceasar (the goverment) what belongs to Ceasar; and give to God what belongs to God'.

Yes, the whole PLKN thing is a farce. The whole thing may be a waste of time. It may cause me to have food poisoning. It will most certainly make me darker, have more pimples, sleep less hours, bring me back to the whole prefect camp torture thing. It may kill me. I might go crazy. I am afraid, to a certain extent, of crazy coaches who hate weaklings, stuck-up girls who refuse to be friends, of vigourous activities which might tire me out.

But I got to do it right? I can't back out. I won't back out either, given a chance. Sanggup berkorban, I am not. Don't start thinking that i'm some sort of saint. I just know that I got to do what I got to do. And I'm not condemning others who want to back out. This is just my standard that i've set for myself, that God has set for me.

Nike. Just do it.

So can I get an A in my moral exam??

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Obituary

I was dreaming this morning..............a weird dream of V (from V for Vendetta, watched it last night) saying something in the most verbose manner, and I was shouting NO NO NO....only was it me? My mouth was open yet it didn't sound like me.......

And then I woke up to hear my mom. Apparently she's the one yelling.

I pulled the covers over my head, snuggled a little deeper into my pillow, and slept.

My mom yells and screams all the time that we all kinda take it for granted. She yells went I fall asleep on the floor, when she drops a pot, when she sees a spot of dirt, when she sees a lizard, when she sees a cockroach, et cetera. And when I way yell, i mean screaming like she saw a dead body. Or a fire. You can't really blame her. As far as I'm concerned, most of the girls who grew up during that time were brought up to be scared of dirt and animals. Sorry mom, but that's how I see it.......(I'm going to die if she sees this)

But enough about my mom's screams. Of course I didn't go back to sleep, even though it was 6.30 in the morning. You can't ignore your mother's screams, regardless of how tired and sleepy you are. Groping for my glasses, I stumbled out of my room.

"Wuzzgoinon?"

"There's a RAT in my room, Hannah!!!"

Ok, now that made me sit up. And so began the Game of Get That Rat!!

After some hesitation, I peep into my mom's room to look for the rat, making her (my mom, not the rat) squeal. And I saw the cutest sight.

The poor mouse (yes, it was a mouse, not a rat) was running and up and down my mom's bed, looking for a way to escape. It was so adorable. Its nose came up in the air in the most endearing way, and I feel in love with it in as much time as it took for me to fall in love David Archuleta when he gave his baby-face beam. Awwwwwww.........I wanna squish you, you furry little trouble maker!! It made waking up early on Saturday morning so worth it.

Unfortunately my mom did not agree. What is it with girls of her generation and mice??

And what is it with boys of her generation and killing mice??

Yes, my dad killed my new-found squishable cutsie-pie. Well, he killed it when he came back from prayer meeting. Which was a very long wait, what with my mom screaming when she saw the poor mouse scampering across the hallway when it manage to squeeze through the bedroom door, and screaming again when she spotted it hiding behind the waste paper basket and doing the classic stand-on-the-stool reaction. Yes. it was a long long wait, cuz my dad really didn't bother about what my mom said. Like I said, we're all immune to my mom's screams.

The wait was long enough for me to invent a story, two stories in fact about that mouse, while waiting for it to move out of its hiding place. I wanted to post it here; both were amusing. One was how this little mouse refused to listen to his mother and decided to explore the house of the gods, the other was it was a young mouse just married and wanted to look for a gourmet meal in the house of the gods to celebrate. The mouse was a bit silly, a bit adventerous, a bit scatter-brained, and one hundred percent cute. And ultimately, it would scamper away, shaken but not stirred, ready for another accidental adventure.

Unfortunately, that was not how it was meant to be.

I managed to pull out the mouse from its hiding place when my dad came back. He wanted to kill it. I didn't. So there i was holding the fighting bundle in my hand, yelling "Don't kill it!!!"

My mom screamed hysterically, or maybe it was my dad, "It's biting you!!"

What was i supposed to do?? Of course I let it go, hoping that it would find the open door and run away.

It didn't. I told you it was scattered brained and silly!!! Didn't it know what open doors are for??

My dad rammed it on the head and it was dead.

Swallowing tears, I asked "Why did you kill it???"

It's a pest, was the answer.

Archie in the form of a mouse, a pest?????

I stupidly answered "And you woke me up for this!"and slammed myself in my room. At that moment, I rather be dreaming of V.

Poor, poor mouse. Stupid, disobedient, silly, scatter-brained, idiotic mouse. Now the mother will be waiting, waiting, for her stupid, disobedient son to never come home. Or maybe it's the more sensible wife who is pregnant with her babies, now a widow.

What's with people and mice?? Must all mice be cute like this:

Why must white and brown mice be the ones that are pampered? What's wrong with gray mice or black mice? Racists!!!

Or whatever you're supposed to call them.

Hmph. I'm sad. I dunno how to end this, cuz I was planning to end it on a happy, hilarious note.....but now the mouse was murdered.

Rest in peace, mouse. And I hope we'll be able to meet somehow, someday, somewhere, and we can talk, and I can cuddle and squish you, and you can nibble my ear.

Maybe You can arrange that, God?

Extra note: No one except me woke up from my mom's screaming. My younger bro only woke up when the mouse was dead. I told you we were all immune to my mom's screaming! =p
And I have forgiven the murderer, my father. He was just doing his job to the best of his ability. I mean, if he didn't kill the mouse, my mom would be screaming at him the whole day. He may be immune to it, but it does get annoying. Go, dad, and sin no more....

Friday, June 26, 2009

The passing of a legend

Seven something in the morning, i rush into the prefect room to be greeted by these words..

Did you know that Michael Jackson died this morning??

Wow. And it was true.

I still can't believe it.

I'm not an MJ fan. I mean, I'm not a die-hard fan, but it still comes as a shock to me. MJ was a legend in the world of music. You can't compare him to anyone. Michael Jackson is, Michael Jackson. There really is no other way to describe him. I like his songs, esp heal the world, man in the mirror, billie jean, black or white and recently remember the time thanks to Kris Allen. I wasn't crazy over him, but I definitely admire his talent in music. He really shaped the world of pop, of dance, techno and even fashion.

MJ was one of the first names of singers i heard when i was a kid. And his name continued to be mentioned, even until now. So you can say that I kinda grew up with him and his name as common as the rice in my house. So i really can't believe he's gone. His everlasting presence made me feel like he was going to live forever.

I used to feel very sorry for him. Tortured soul-that was how they described him. And it's very true. I remember that a lot of people laughed at him and made fun of him, and the ironic part was those people used to love him before his downward spiral.

As soon as I digested the news, the phrase "vanity of vanities" immediately came into my mind. So true isn't it? Life is so fragile, so brief, like the mist in the morning, that disappears as the sun rises. And everything the world has to offer is ultimately nothing, just a chasing after the wind. MJ was a king, an icon, an idol. But in the end, he was human. A human who desperately needed love.

And so are we all, right? We are all human. We all only have one, brief life on this earth. What are we going to do about it? Chase after the things that will perish? Live in squanderous way? Play more? Invest in what truly counts? It's up to us, isn't it?
So, erm, let's start with the man in the mirror, k? Remember Michael Jackson.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Examm

Piano exam is....ta-da, TOMORROWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Argh...

I don't know whether I can pass, but I need to pass...

So, it's practice. practice, practice.....=_='

Yes, I'm babbling, but I think anyone would be right now too...

I can't think, I'm not writing well, and I'm boring you....so I'll stop. Will write when I can think of something coherent.

Exercise your right

Hey M'sians!! You can now vote for Kris Allen!!!!
Or Adam Lambert, though I hope you don't =p

Anyway, Hitz.fm is having this idol showdown, where we can vote for the best version of No Boundaries-either Kris', or Adam's....

The winning song will be played on the radio, whereas the losing song will be locked away, never to be played again..

Personally, I don't think that's fair, cos Adam's version and Kris' version are so different. Kris' is more of an inspiring tone, while Adam's is very rebel-like, punkish you might say.

I think the Kris' version is better for this song with such kind of lyrics. I find the lyrics very cheesy, by the way...I mean, mountains and hurricanes?! c'mon! They deserve a better song than that!

Anyway, I just want to say, VOTE FOR KRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the only time we can vote for Kris ( or Adam), so we should exercise our right!! Plus, it's free. Just go to the website (hitz.fm) and you'll see it.

VOTE KRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 29, 2009

to please myself

I'm sorry. I just had to do this......

KRIS ALLEN WON AMERICAN IDOL 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Battle's over, war has begun

I'm tired. I'm so, so tired of fighting....my exams.

Now i know what a war is like...nothing but an endless mass of gore and violence and pain and sorrow. Everyday you pull on your armour, and rush to the front lines to fight and defend, till every part of your body aches and you wish you can just lay down and die.

I hate the long exams, they drag on forever and i don't even feel happy when they are over...i just feel like sleeping and never waking up. It doesn't help when the exams were a fiasco too. An ultimately I just wonder what's the point of it all.

I know i did very badly this time around, and I got no one to blame but myself. I'm the type who needs a lot of time to grasp certain knowledge, and I didn't make that time. I was so busy. But I can't use that as an excuse cause Ara and Shaki and Clement ( the mighty mindz) were busy too...and I know they did well no matter what they say. Argh! And now I need to study real hard for my bible knowledge because I have been neglecting it for so long, and my physics is in a horrendous state.

The war has just begun for me really...ther's trial and then the REAL thing. Sigh. Not to mention that i have a piano's examination coming on the 10th of June....I'm not sure how that will work out too.

There's always a silver lining....
Mine is that I definitely have a closer relationship with God now....not that I'm a saint or anything ( not even close), but I definitely learnt to trust God more. The most pathethic part though is I trust Him because mostly I have no choice!!! Hahaha....I hope for the day where I will trust Him immediately for everything, and surrender a hundred percent of my life without any doubts to Him.

Some miracles did happen during exam...like sejarah2. I had no idea what to focus on, so I was practically killing myself by trying to study everything. Then on the morning of the exam day itself, My friend told me what the teacher told her would come out, so I spent that morning slogging away for it. And I went in with only that knowledge I acquired in the morning, and prayed like crazy. And amazingly, it wasn't so bad...I was so thankful for that.

Hm...another one would be my physics 2, where I wanted to study all night but ended up sleeping until 6 am, meaning that i did not study a single thing except f5 chapter 2. I panicked. Then I decided to just let God handle it...no point getting frustrated or depressed...and there wasn't much of a choice was there? Next thing I knew a good friend of mine sms-ed me, at 6.45 in the morning...can u believe it? He told me that we can do all things in Christ and that he will pray for me. That was the biggest encouragement I ever had it had to be a Godsend. To my dear friend, thank you so much. That was an answer to a prayer, really. Physics paper that day....was still a fiasco, but not as bad as I thought it would be. At least I hope so.

So, mid-year over. The funniest thing was immediately after exam I had to go for two ajk meetings, plan the cf camp and prepare for my piano exam.....welcome back, hectic schedule!! Haha...but everyone else I know is really busy too...so I shouldn't complain. In fact, I'm glad I'm not doing anything for teacher's day!! Poor Shaki....he's really gonna kill himself if they don't let up on him...it really isn't fair.

I wrote this during physics 2...

I'm clinging on the last strands of hope
I'm fighting a losing battle
I'm defending a defeated land.
But I hold my head up high
Even as I stand alone
I smile to myself and my eyes shine
For at least I HAVE TRIED!!

Yes, well....gala post next (very much delayed).

Oh and another silver lining during my exams was KRIS ALLEN WON!!!!!!!!!

YESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally someone I support won! i'm so happy....and he's so cool....and his wife is so cute...and he is so talented...oh dear, I'm gushing. But I'm really really happy. And I think Adam Lambert is awesome too...and Danny Gokey, it's just a shame that he really didn't prove his point like the other two....But i'm happy for all three of them...they really deserved to get so far.

Kris won! Yeah!

Friday, May 1, 2009

delay

yes, I'm suppose to talk about gala.

Unfortunately, I have a terrible, formidable enemy which is the midyear exams...sigh.

So I would be involved in a war for about three weeks....and it's a slim chance I would win this one...

Which means I won't be around to write about how gala rocked until it's over so i'm here to say sorry for the delay.

Now is you'd excuse me, I need to prepare my troops and weaponry.

May your swords stay sharp!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The twist of the knife

I still had post-gala euphoria (which totally ROCKED, tell u more nxt time), when I found it. It was math period, and I was, in a way, the teacher's assistant in handing up the math exercise papers...that was all we did nowadays, cause she finished the entire syllabus last year. So I was rushing to give back all the papers she had marked and hand up the papers to her so that I can go back and do my OWN work which had been neglected for goodness knows how long.

I opened the drawer, reached in to check if I had forgotten any papers and it just slipped into my hand. A perfect fit. Manila cards, neatly cut to fit the palm of my hand, in colours of yellow and pink.

Debate cards. Debate. KGV.

Rats.

I let out a humongous sigh, the pain of it all came rushing back. I guess I haven't gotten over it. I thought I had. But the twisting pain was still there, breaking my heart. The recovery is taking longer than I thought. Why? I mean, we lost last year too, but I didn't feel this bad. In fact, I never felt this bad before.

I'm beginning to wonder whether I would ever heal.

Now I really want to go back to finish my homework. And studying has never looked so inviting.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Surrender

I suppose you know we lost in debates....

What am I suppose to say? We were the winners and everyone knew it. And I mean everyone.

So why do these things happen? Whatever happen to fairness and equality?

I suppose you could say that this is life, this is how it has always been. I should accept it, right? But I can't. I just can't.

I am depressed. I really love debating. Not just because it is an English language activity; I love what it is, the very core. The sights the air around the debate hall, the electricity when debating. I love the eloquence and the play of words, the twist of the language to beautiful and intricate knots. I love every single minute of debates; the discussions, the practices, the competitions. Debates is my first love. Why else would I pick it over drama and public speaking? Why else would I throw my entire self into it? And to know that we lost our chance of winning, for the first and last time, because of discrimination and injustice, the very things that should not be present in a debate, just breaks my heart.

To a point, it hurts too that I didn't speak at all. I never had the chance to speak for my school, for my debate team. It is sad for me because this is my last year, and I had been waiting for this one moment. I'm not a good speaker, but I do love to speak. Mind you, I'm not blaming or condemning anyone. I understand my teacher's decision on picking someone else over me, after all they were in debates longer than I was. In fact, I'm happy with her decision because they are much, much better than I could ever be. It just kind of a sad moment for me because I never had a chance, and I never will again. And again, to know that we lost, hurts more than anything. I never thought I could feel so unhappy over a defeat. But I suppose it's because it wasn't suppose to be a defeat in the first place.

I'm still depressed. In fact I find it difficult to get over it. I might never be able to. But right now I don't feel the pain so much because I'm so busy, and to a point I actually embrace that business. I don't want to face the pain and sorrow. I'm also finding it hard to forgive. let go and forget. How am I suppose to forgive something like this? How am I suppose to surrender this? I know it is better for me if I do so. In many ways, I have given up and surrendered. But I still feel the pain. Why? Isn't it suppose to go away when I give it up to God? Shouldn't God take over and take away all the pain? I struggle to be not angry over what has happened. I struggle to forgive those who have caused this pain to me. For example, when I try to listen to debate again, when I recall the things that they said, I get so angry, I stop thinking rationally. Instead of pointing out what went wrong, I look at everything else.

But now I understand. Surrendering is a process, I can't expect my emotions to disappear just like that, or my memory o be wiped out. This IS life. It is full of experiences and phases of emotions. However, when I surrender to God, when I release and let go, I'm trusting God and not myself to get me through this. And maybe now, I'm still angry, I'm still sad and hurt, but I also have the peace of God with me to help me when I am depressed about it. One day, I will be able to listen to the debate again, and not get upset.....maybe....YEARS later?? And one day, I'll truly be able to say I forgive them.....possibly years later too.

Haha, getting very theological, right? But God is everywhere, even in things like these.

Congratulations to SMK BUKIT MEWAH'S debate team, we're the TRUE WINNERS, whatever they say. You guys were really really AWESOME!! Love all of you for making debates such a great experience for me. Kudos to Ara, Melissa and Praveen, the three speakers. I love you all, and none of you screwed anything. A million thanks to Clement, who joined our team last minute. You're such a great debater; how did we survive without you?? Thanks also to Pn Poga for giving us all the help and assistance and surpport and encouragement and food and goodness knows what else. Thanks to Siva Raj (ex-debater) for all the help you gave us, you really set the foundation for our final debate....we couldn't have done it without you. Thanks to Pradeep, Shaki, Chee Jong, Carolyn, Ugen and the rest of our pals who came to surpport us on that day...deeply apprieciate it. Poor Shaki missed his badminon competition for this. I would like to apologize to my team if I said or did anything wrong, and also for not doing as much as I should have. I really tried my best, and I hope that it helped to a certain extent.

That's the end of debates 09. Future debaters, GO FORTH AND CONQUER!!!

And I need to say this, it isn't my line, but I love it anyway...
*ahem*
Siva Raj once said and I quote (and adapted):

"Tiger tiger, burning bright,
In the forest of the night,
My dear oppostion, you are putting up a poor fight,
Not to mention, you are SO NOT right!!"

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Now, to bed!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

a very late update

Haha, I promised you guys by the end of that week, didn't I? So sorry...

Anyway, I wonder what I should update on, because prefect camp is like so over, and prefect gala hasn't started...Interschool CF is so over, and the camp hasn't started...sort of like in between things now.

I think I should say a few things about prefect camp. I think it's the best prefect camp EVER!!!!! Namely because we the AJKS organized it, but trust me, it was no joke...we had more stress before the camp than during the camp. I feel that it's the best prefect camp so far because every activity had its purpose. A very clear purpose, I mean. And I'm glad we made it clear to the prefects wgat the purpose was. I'm sure previous camps had their purposes as well, but because they didn't make it so clear, it kind of felt like a meaningless torture camp. Sorry to any of the ex-AJKS reading this, but that's how I felt. Ouch.

Anyway, the biggest bummer was me losing my voice, and also the fact that some prefects decided not to come last minute. That was very painful for me. All of us did so much planning and preparation, I nearly failed my exam, and this is what they do? Come on.

Anyways, I want to thank a whole lot of ppl. Erm, the list isn't in order or anything so don't feel slighted, ok?
Shaki, nearly killed himself with his pile of work,
Hua Chiam, never respected a leader more,
Ara, your consideration for others put me to shame,
ChinChin, hah! I'm speechless...
Kee Wen, for getting the place, and for the donation
Yu-chen, for tucking me in...
Chee Jong, never seen a more intense worker
Bernard, Carmen, Mugi, Yuven, Belinda, Carol, erm erm erm......walau, never knew there were so many to thank....THANK YOU ALL SOOOO MUCH...really appreciate it.

Ok, My writing skills are horrible, this is a very lame post.....so I'm stopping now. Thanks again to all who have worked hard for the camp...you guys ROCK!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

sorry

hi, bye.

Yes, that's how busy I am nowadays, very sorry to all who are so eagerly (funnily enough) following my blog.

I want to wite on a lot of things, and I promise that by this week I'll put a post up, but right now I really can't. It's funny apologizing when in the first place this blog is for myself but now I can see that it's for others too.

So once again I'm on my knees craving your pardon on my slowness to update and hoping that you will make my dreams come true by forgiving me and giving me one thing I need right now : time.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

a short note-again

this is just to say that I've deleted the followers feature not because I hate the followers, far from that. I just find it a bit show offy....me being me proud self, see? And I trust that you guys are reading my blog...you guys comment so much on the cbox, I can scroll down now, and I have to keep scrolling and scrolling, haha.

Love it that you guys love my entries, it really encouraging. Would you read my articles in the newspapers or magazine should I ever become a journalist or an article writer or whatever? haha, like that's ever gonna happen...

The Shocking News

I'm utterly bamboozled, puffled and, well, shocked. Bamboozled is a word, or should be one, in my opinion. After all, them englishy people put the word "googled" in.....
Puffled is a combination of puzzled and baffled...at least that's how I feel it should add up.

Back to the bamboozling news, well, it was that I went for a chess competition. Daerah level, mind you. Yes, it is shocking because I had never went for one in my life (even though I had plenty of chances last year and the year before).

The next puffling news is that I didn't lose all the matches as I predicted. I won three, lost three. That is shocking because I only know how to move them pieces, no tactics, no strategies, nada. The only inspiration I get is through Narnia books (they do discuss battle strategies sometimes), and the Lord of the Rings movies. Well, and recently the Redwall books, the ones that made me go 'yes, sah!' and such? Know them? nevermind....

Another shocking news is that I ranked the 16th out of the 40 girls in me category ( I think I gave away enough information for a stalker to come after me now...oh dear). I though that I wouldn't be even on that honourable list.

But the biggest, most ginormous news(gigantic+enormous), the perfect whopper, the sizzling stunner, the bamboozling befuddlement, the humongous hullabaloo, the unspeakable joy, the dumbfounded moment, the wizard wog-snappit, the cannibalistic effect, the jack-out-the-box surprise, the straight-into-your-gut news, the......ok, ok, just indulging myself there....I don't really know what wog-snappit means....

THE SHOCKING NEWS-MY TEAM GOT SECOND PLACE.

*AWED SILENCE, IN CAPITAL LETTERS
*

Ok, so you're wondering what's the big deal. Well, in our school's chess-playing history, we're never really successful, especially the girls. The highest we got is third place (for girls). So this is PECAH REKOD, OK?

Sorry for the capital letters, I'm just so STUNNED.

Thanks to all those in my team, YOU WERE WHAT MADE THIS HAPPEN, not me, the bumbling idiot. Though I have to say I'm pretty impressed with some of the moves I made on that day. I did the classic, king-stuck-in-the-corner-checkmate once (do you even call it that?). I thought that I could never do that, never in my life. I'm so bad at chess. In fact, I was so bad that the first person that I battled with had to tell me that I checkmated her. I was surprised...till the point that I let out a loud 'HUH' for the entire hall to hear. In 15 minutes I checkmated her? No way!

But still, it was really mostly because of my team that we all did so well, so really, I'm UTTERLY, TERRIBLY, DOWN-ON-MY-KNEES-GRATEFUL for making my first and last experience of a chess tournament a memorable one.

Also, HEARTIEST CONGRATULATIONS to the under 18 boys, got third place, and their competitors were much, much better. Salutation to Dinesh in his last game, that was jaw-dropping, supercool style, man! Kudos to Yuven too, you were SPECTACULAR! First place and representing us in NEGERI level, wow!!

ps. bamboozled is a word in the dictionary after all. yay!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A short note

Guess I will be making a lot of short notes from now on....like little red flags on the map to show you where I am. Let's make this interesting, shall we?

Commader: Progress report!

The Lady Knight (or the bumbling idiot, take your pick): Evenin' sah! Soldier currently forgin' off an attack from them Homework pests, sah! No sight of reinforcements, and 'fraid I'm commin' down with a stinkin' annoyin' flu, sah!

Commander: Anything else, young 'un?

TLK/BI: More bad news, sah! The soldiers are being somewha' confused, sah! Some of ' em don't really know what's happening concerning the mission Prefect Camp, meself included, sah! Also, scounts ahead have found that a charge of debate is cummin' 'round , sah, and it looks bad, sah!

Commander: Think you can handle it, young 'un?

TLK/BI: Will do me best, sah, always do. But the chances of survivn' this are as thin as a rake, sah. Lord SPM still has the upper hand, and the blasted examinations are attacking fro' the other end, sah. We're surrounded, sah.

Commander: No time to jaw then, young 'un. Get back to position, pray hard, and swing them sharp sword harder! We will not give in to them confounded vermin and evil beasts! Down an' at 'em!

TLK/BI: Yes, sah! They'll taste our cold steel, and we won't let 'em go home, no sah!

Friday, February 13, 2009

confundations and blasterations!

For the sake of some pestering people, i will leave a short note to say that i will not be leaving a short note...which in turn makes me realize that i have just left a short note even though i said i won't....

Yes, crap. I know. Fine. I'll update. But the next time someone asks me to update, I'm cancelling this blog. I mean it.

School is taking its toll on me.....I'm dying to read a good book in one sitting and visit the library everyday but I can't. I can't borrow books either, which promptly crushes my dream of wanting to read all the books in the library before SPM....last I checked, I had about, say, ten thousand over?? Well, it looks that way. So now, whenever I have the time, I run in just to have the air of books around me, that smell of stories that tug at my heart, begging to be read. Of course, it's painful to say no and walk out, but it would be a lot worse if I didn't go in at all. At least I know that I could grab one of them if I wanted, get what I mean? No, you don't. Sigh.

What else? Interschool CF is next week...I'm not as involved as I suspected.Chess competition is next week, and I'm more involved that I suspected. Prefect duties....I have to say that I feel like I'm not doing much....the boys are...feel so sorry for them but they don't seem to want my help so what can I do? Or maybe they do want my help, and I didn't notice. Well then ,sorry!

Teachers are getting on my nerves......2 of them especially. I know I'm not suppose to hate people, and frankly I don't exactly hate them. I just find them excruciatingly annoying and they just epitomize everything that boils me blood....though I can make allowance for one due to insanity, I suppose. Ok, ok, sorry, I shouldn't talk like that....not very good of me.

Well, since my father is yelling at me to get offline, I will hereby use it as a perfect excuse to end my update as I have nothing else to say.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Love Story....Taylor Swift's, not mine

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony of summer air

See the lights, 
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they know
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real, 
Don't be afraid
We'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes, oh, 

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town and I said:

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said:

Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, 

Oh, oh, 

Cause we were both young when I first saw you

-love story, Taylor Swift.

There's something about this song that really erm....I dunno, hit doesn't really seem to be the right word. Strike? Touch? Identified? Left? Ah well, it did something to me. It is a sweet song, maybe not exactly erm...meaningful (it's actually bordering on vanities of vanities methinks). A lot of guys might be tango-ing in the toilet (barf) when the song is played, but it is a very, romantic, sweet-with-extra-sugar song. Probably bad for your health if you take too much of it, but in small doses.....mmmmmmm.

I think every girl (even one as mad and insane as me) would have a secret longing for a Romeo and a perfect love story. I think about love stories, imagine them in my head quite often. I don't write them out, though....Maybe it's because I'm too embarrassed about it. Or maybe certain people will start thinking I'm getting lovesick over somebody, which I am NOT. 

I think I'll end my post here. This is just to say that I like this song, NOT that I want a Romeo. Not now. So people who think funny out there (you know who you are), DO NOT write my love story!

ps. Do you guys want the video here? or you couldn't care less?


Sunday, January 4, 2009

School!!!! Bye bye.........

This is just to say that I will not be blogging much unless the opportunity arises. This is because I have entered the land of School.....and this year, Lord SPM has absolute domination and the torment of Homework has increased, not to mention the usual petty enemies known as Tests and Examinations (aka pests and abhor-ations). So, me, the Student and fellow Warrior, has to gird up and put on me armour to do battle with these vicious fiends and monsters, until the reign of the evil SPM is destroyed................yes LAME I know!! But it feels that way.

Of course, I have the usual workload of prefects work, CF (which isn't really work cuz I love it soo much), debates (which is an increasing pressure), Piano (me got exam!!!!!), chess (which has increased, drat), renjer (which will increase, double drat) and maybe drama (argh!) Not to mention the usual avalanche of essay writing competitions which I will NOT join this year....have enuf on my plate for now. Oh, and tuition......how could I forget??

Haha, pretty depressing, is it not? But never fear, because with God's help I will overcome!! (yes even in things this lame....) What I do know is, I have to straightened out my priorities....and most unfortunately, this blog ain't at the top. Ach, you won't miss me, right?? Y'all be busy too.

I won't be online much either, so friends at a distance esp dna'ers,  boo hoo (at least for me.....mebbe you are celebrating, hehe). I won't be writing a lot in this blog, either, as aforementioned above......mebbe only once in 2 months? I'll try my best to get some post on....but it won't be easy, so I have no promises...

Anyway, to my fellow comrades in school (esp to hose in f5), together we shall conquer!! To the rest of my readers, and frens at a distance, have a good time in school and live for the Lord Jesus Christ, and may you be a blessing....

Happy School Days! Cheerio!