I'm tired. I'm so, so tired of fighting....my exams.
Now i know what a war is like...nothing but an endless mass of gore and violence and pain and sorrow. Everyday you pull on your armour, and rush to the front lines to fight and defend, till every part of your body aches and you wish you can just lay down and die.
I hate the long exams, they drag on forever and i don't even feel happy when they are over...i just feel like sleeping and never waking up. It doesn't help when the exams were a fiasco too. An ultimately I just wonder what's the point of it all.
I know i did very badly this time around, and I got no one to blame but myself. I'm the type who needs a lot of time to grasp certain knowledge, and I didn't make that time. I was so busy. But I can't use that as an excuse cause Ara and Shaki and Clement ( the mighty mindz) were busy too...and I know they did well no matter what they say. Argh! And now I need to study real hard for my bible knowledge because I have been neglecting it for so long, and my physics is in a horrendous state.
The war has just begun for me really...ther's trial and then the REAL thing. Sigh. Not to mention that i have a piano's examination coming on the 10th of June....I'm not sure how that will work out too.
There's always a silver lining....
Mine is that I definitely have a closer relationship with God now....not that I'm a saint or anything ( not even close), but I definitely learnt to trust God more. The most pathethic part though is I trust Him because mostly I have no choice!!! Hahaha....I hope for the day where I will trust Him immediately for everything, and surrender a hundred percent of my life without any doubts to Him.
Some miracles did happen during exam...like sejarah2. I had no idea what to focus on, so I was practically killing myself by trying to study everything. Then on the morning of the exam day itself, My friend told me what the teacher told her would come out, so I spent that morning slogging away for it. And I went in with only that knowledge I acquired in the morning, and prayed like crazy. And amazingly, it wasn't so bad...I was so thankful for that.
Hm...another one would be my physics 2, where I wanted to study all night but ended up sleeping until 6 am, meaning that i did not study a single thing except f5 chapter 2. I panicked. Then I decided to just let God handle it...no point getting frustrated or depressed...and there wasn't much of a choice was there? Next thing I knew a good friend of mine sms-ed me, at 6.45 in the morning...can u believe it? He told me that we can do all things in Christ and that he will pray for me. That was the biggest encouragement I ever had it had to be a Godsend. To my dear friend, thank you so much. That was an answer to a prayer, really. Physics paper that day....was still a fiasco, but not as bad as I thought it would be. At least I hope so.
So, mid-year over. The funniest thing was immediately after exam I had to go for two ajk meetings, plan the cf camp and prepare for my piano exam.....welcome back, hectic schedule!! Haha...but everyone else I know is really busy too...so I shouldn't complain. In fact, I'm glad I'm not doing anything for teacher's day!! Poor Shaki....he's really gonna kill himself if they don't let up on him...it really isn't fair.
I wrote this during physics 2...
I'm clinging on the last strands of hope
I'm fighting a losing battle
I'm defending a defeated land.
But I hold my head up high
Even as I stand alone
I smile to myself and my eyes shine
For at least I HAVE TRIED!!
Yes, well....gala post next (very much delayed).
Oh and another silver lining during my exams was KRIS ALLEN WON!!!!!!!!!
Finally someone I support won! i'm so happy....and he's so cool....and his wife is so cute...and he is so talented...oh dear, I'm gushing. But I'm really really happy. And I think Adam Lambert is awesome too...and Danny Gokey, it's just a shame that he really didn't prove his point like the other two....But i'm happy for all three of them...they really deserved to get so far.
Kris won! Yeah!