Sunday, May 30, 2010

haiz haih haih

hey. i can't write. yet.

just busy now...suddenly so many things cropped up! Though i suppose you're wndering why i still hv time to go online...haha.

this is more of a shoutout to gabrielle..........never saw a comment that was one sentence yet with wat...6 lines????


c ya.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


so sorry i can't write abt the NZ trip. I'm sure most of you are wondering what happened and aren't too happy with my extremely "satisfactory" replies of ok, fine or great.

hopefully i can type something out this weekend but currently i've got a lot (i think...a hundred plus) of math questions overdue, and i got pengajian am work, and i want to rewrite my chem and PA notes cuz they're so awful. And i want to study and catch up with what i've missed during the trip because i feel very very stupid now.

I'm really really sorry.

F6 is ok, getting used to it, but still a struggle. Write more later.

Haih. Got to go. How's everyone else?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

little girl's dream, big girl's choice..

Wanted to write the way i felt about things...but it was somehow difficult. So I did the way i knew best-story form. It's a bit messy and..strange, and maybe a bit emotional, but i think it serves the purpose. i think.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. This little girl dreamt dreams, read books, looked at the world around her and thought a very big-girl thought:

“The world seems to be a very sad place. I wish I can change it.”

One Sunday, her teacher taught her about the twelve Disciples, great men who served the King. The teacher told her that these men were all very ordinary people, just like her.

“And do you know what they did?” the teacher asked. When no answer came, he took a miniature globe and turned it upside down. “That’s what they did.”

The little girl’s eyes bulged. “They really did that?”

“Yes, and you can too; if you believe and trust in the King.”

The little girl thought of nothing but that, dreamt of nothing but that, and holding the globe that the teacher gave her, decided that she would do such a thing. When she grew up, she would change the world.

Year after year, she slowly grew stronger and wiser. She learned many lessons, and made many mistakes. She learned that in order to change the world, she must first change herself for the better. So everyday she worked her hardest to be a better person. She learned that to change the world, she must first bring change to the people and places closest to her. She made friends, and met people who helped her grow. She fought of her inner demons, and strived to be all that the King wanted her to be. She succeeded, she failed, she tried again, and kept going. It was difficult, and it was a struggle, but everyday she knew that she was closer to changing the world.

No longer a little girl now, the big girl turned and looked behind at all she had done. Then she turned at looked ahead at all that was still before her. She smiled as she pictured herself going across the seas, helping various unknowns, becoming great and doing great things for her King. She saw herself so clearly as one who would change the world with the talents she had honed. She couldn’t wait to change the world.

But then an evil hag came out and showed her the old globe given to her by the teacher so long ago. “Look at it!” it cackled. The girl looked, and saw that the world was worse than before. She saw that it had become a darker, sadder place. She saw countries torn apart by strife, governments ruled by corrupt men, children dying from diseases. She saw how big and horrible the world was, and though she was a big girl, she felt small and afraid. The darkness of the world laughed at her.

“You’re just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world”

The girl was so unhappy that all she had worked for would be in vain. She sat down and cried bitterly. “How could this happen?” She whispered to the heavens.

“The world’s so big; it could break your heart.
And you just want to help, but not sure where to start.
So you close your eyes and send up a prayer into the dark.”

Then suddenly the King came and comforted her. “All you’ve done in My name, you’ve done well indeed. I’ve seen you grow, I’ve seen you change, and I am proud of you. But I want you to stay here, and not go across the seas, not yet.”

“Is it because I’m not good enough?” The girl asked fearfully.

“Not at all,” the King smiled. “It’s because you will be better here.”

“What then am I supposed to do?” she asked after a pause.

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

The girl thought about her friends and mentors. She thought about how she loved the people who taught her, who build her up to do the great things she had wanted to do. She thought about her old teacher, who planted the seed of inspiration in her. And then she thought, “How much these teachers are needed! How few are there around, who can really build up little girls to become big girls to do great things for the King.”

“But I’d have to give up so much! I can no longer achieve the dreams I dreamed, or do the great things I wanted to do. I can no longer go out and change the world. I have to stay and be…ordinary.”

“And yet, is this ordinary? Building, training young minds to do all the great things that they want to do? Is raising up the next generation of big boys and girls an ordinary thing?”

The girl sat, and thought some more. Then she smiled as tears fell from her face, for she was sad yet happy at the same time.

“So that’s what it is, no? I stay here, and become the one who helps the little people become the big people who change the world. I stay?”

She wiped her eyes and turned questioningly to the King, but He was gone. In His place sat a little boy, crying as if his heart was broken.

“Little boy, why do you cry?”

“Because…I c-can’t do my n-numberrrs….”

The big girl smiled. “I think I can teach you that.”

And so the girl stayed. The road may be harder and darker for her now, and it was an unknown path that she never thought she would take, but take it she would, and she could only hope that she ‘tried to do right’.”

“Oh the smallest thing can make all the difference.
Love is alive, don’t listen to ‘em when they say
You’re just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world.”