The Dysfunctional Pilgrim

Butterflies in my stomach for various reasons... Life's like that, isn't it? A riddle, a maze Unpredictable. The things I've gone through still seem alien, a stranger like a foreigner i wade through experiences in life, that i've gone thru so many times before. I'm scared, but i don't show it Confused, but still clear there's things in life that are still certain still true, still real. I'm in a whole new territory terrified? you betcha but i still smile even with the butterflies in my stomach... I'm nervous about dNA. And about life from now on. Haiz.

So SPM's over. Checking all my other friend's blogs, it's mostly lots of screamings and shouts of joy. And I too am happy too. But I dunno. I just don't really feel like screaming. After yelling a bit and high-fiving Clement, it was like, ok. Nothing left to do. I'm really, really glad it's done with though. And I'm soooo thankful for God's grace throughout the long long exam...everything came out quite...ok. Surprisingly. Now I have to speed-read 2 books for dNA!!!! ahhhhhhhhhh......haiz. But I really will enjoy myself this time..can't wait. So yeah you won't be seeing me for 10 days...sigh. But I'll be back. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!SPM OVER!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHA...

BK is officially SAVED!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA Ok la sorry but it is really good news to all christian students out there. With the maximum number of spm subjects extended to 12, science stream students can take accounts, BK n Chinese too if they want to. So I really REALLY encourage all christian students to take this subjects. Is it easy? Well, no subject is easy. But Bible Knowledge (in case you dunno wat BK is) is easier than most as it is basically reading and rereading the two books Acts and Luke. And answering questions. I'd love it Bukit Mewah Christian students. especially those in f3 n f4 take up BK as an SPM subject. This is the one chance we have to stand up and say "Yes I am serious as a christian, that's why i take BK". This is one of the many ways we can make a statement throughout the country that there are students out there who believe in Jesus Christ our Saviour. I think that's why i took BK i think, eventhough i was the only one in my school this year....

Lets' destress......and melt, esp the girls haha.. Guy Sebastian's Perfection was written for his wife for their wedding methinks....so sweet...aww.. *Perfection* - Guy Sebastian Peter can you gather the angels all around I need everyone to get this down. . . This will not be easy coz what I'm asking for Is something we have never tried before (chorus) Let's make a girl, But not just any girl, She needs to be Perfect, Perfect. . . Add some Beautiful . . . Throw in some Divine She needs to define *Perfection* Don't forget the sugar..... Make it so she's sweet From her head to her feet . . . *Perfection* Go and get Picasso, he can paint her eyes Michelangelo can paint her smile . . . And when we're finally finished I want nothing less Than for all of us to stand here. . . Breathless (chorus) Let's make a girl, But not just any girl, She needs to be Perfect, Perfect. . . Add some Beautiful . . . Throw in some Divine She needs to define *Perfection* Don'...

Right now, if I picture my self, it's like my army is preparing for war. I can smell the hot acrid smell of metal as arrowheads are forged, the smoke that rises from the blacksmith fires, horses in the stable, dusty parchments as maps are taken out and strategies debated. And there's the clanking of swords and armor, the rattle of spears, the neighing of restless horses, commands and orders shouted across the fort, men's quiet discussions about the coming battle..... War. We're off to war. And there's no turning back. The ultimate question that resounds in my mind now is: have I done enough?? 21 more days and counting.......

i don't.............understand why are you hurt? what have i done? what have i said? please tell me i know you're hurt and i know i'm at fault but how? how? i don't know how i did it..... confused, upset cut to the core... why has my sunny world turned gray? i'm heartbroken trying my best to be God's best to love, to hope, to keep the smile on my face but pain....oh the pain.. tell me why do i cry these tears for you? what have i done? for i, i don't know.. never felt this sore... will i be scarred for life? one thing i'm sure of i'll never heal until i know..

I got a bit emo during trials..........i drew these..........Don't ask me why..... they're aren't that good, but i must say i'm rather impressed......i usually suck at drawing.. Don't ask me why i drew that I lost my mind i think....... I like this one though.....modified it with picasa this is in black and white!! The not so Golden Snitch....haha The cuter version................i think. Anyway, trials wasn't such a fiasco after all, praise God!! I think i did really bad in sejarah and physics again....but hopefully my chemistry and biology would be able to improve..... I also was the source of curiosity and amusement for the teachers when i sat for BK.... I think they really didn't know wat to make of me...haha. But the BK paper had one incomplete question!! Hiyoh.... and naturally none of the teachers in my school knows what to do or what the other part of the question is........hmph. I don't really now wat to do...Can those marks be a bonus??=p Anywa...

If you're wondering why i sound so crazy in my latest post, it's cause i think i am getting a bit too solemn...ha, just look at my previous post.......sounds so mature.....which i am not! not yet anyway... needed to lightened the place up.

Ha, so the first week of trial is over! ~yay~ Right now, both armies are having a breather......not sure how they call that in battle language, reprieve? i guess so... Anyway, the little grey cells in my brain are recuperating now.....I'm glad to say that i managed to do better, i think. At least in my Math and BM, i hope. Sejarah was a major flop, AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm facing this when i go for Sejarah exam..... Why can't i beat this stupid subject!!???? Boo hoo.... Can't say much about english..........I think it went ok. But I don't like my essays.......so cheesy and melodramatic. Now I have Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Add Maths and Bible Knowledge to worry about. And Moral!! Trials are SUCH a trial......................... Trial trial trial Drives me wild wild wild Dunno wat to do do do Wish it will end soon soon soon... Please pray for my Bible Knowledge especially, Cause this would be the first time I sat for a Bk exam. I never had one ever!!!! so i...

Tomorrow, I retire as Treasurer of SMK Bukit Mewah's Prefectorial Board 08/09. Wow. Anyway, I penned these thoughts down when I got sick of studying sejarah , and I might as well post them now.... I'm retiring. A full year of service as treasurer is (finally) coming to an end. And here I am, at the precipice of the end. In a few hours time, I give up my post to the future generation. I never expected myself to be part of the prefect committee. I believe that many others didn't as well. I admit that I wished for it, but it never crossed my mind that it would actually happen, least of all me being treasurer. Handling money is the worst thing one could ever put me in charge of. God has been good. Despite my numerous mistakes and miscalculations, my disorganized personality, my lazy procrastinating attitude, He has led me, pulled me through the whole time, and now I can pass on the account with peace knowing that it is intact. It is only by His grace and mercy and unconditi...

'Are you in plkn?' 'Are you?' That's the question that has been hounding me for some time now. Everybody wants to know. My juniors, my friends, my tuition mates, my family members, etc etc. And in contrast to my calm and casual reply 'yes', they exclaim in shock, 'WHAT!!' 'Aduh!!' Erm, hello? I'm the one going, not you. I was quite calm when I checked and found that I was in. Ever since Arnan 'escaped' PLKN, I was sure that I would get it. Did I want to go? No. But I resigned myself to such a fate a year ago. So this comes as no surprise to me. And I'm not afraid. At least, I think I'm not. As far as I'm concerned, if you can survive three bukit mewah prefect camps, you can survive anything. Especially if you survived last year's camp and managed to survive organizing this year's camp, as I have done. But lately, I'm beginning to feel somewhat disturbed over my destiny. I've heard snatches of conversati...

I was dreaming this morning..............a weird dream of V (from V for Vendetta, watched it last night) saying something in the most verbose manner, and I was shouting NO NO NO....only was it me? My mouth was open yet it didn't sound like me....... And then I woke up to hear my mom. Apparently she's the one yelling. I pulled the covers over my head, snuggled a little deeper into my pillow, and slept. My mom yells and screams all the time that we all kinda take it for granted. She yells went I fall asleep on the floor, when she drops a pot, when she sees a spot of dirt, when she sees a lizard, when she sees a cockroach, et cetera. And when I way yell, i mean screaming like she saw a dead body. Or a fire. You can't really blame her. As far as I'm concerned, most of the girls who grew up during that time were brought up to be scared of dirt and animals. Sorry mom, but that's how I see it.......(I'm going to die if she sees this) But enough about my mom's screa...

Seven something in the morning, i rush into the prefect room to be greeted by these words.. Did you know that Michael Jackson died this morning?? Wow. And it was true. I still can't believe it. I'm not an MJ fan. I mean, I'm not a die-hard fan, but it still comes as a shock to me. MJ was a legend in the world of music. You can't compare him to anyone. Michael Jackson is, Michael Jackson. There really is no other way to describe him. I like his songs, esp heal the world , man in the mirror, billie jean, black or white and recently remember the time thanks to Kris Allen. I wasn't crazy over him, but I definitely admire his talent in music. He really shaped the world of pop, of dance, techno and even fashion. MJ was one of the first names of singers i heard when i was a kid. And his name continued to be mentioned, even until now. So you can say that I kinda grew up with him and his name as common as the rice in my house. So i really can't believe he's gone. H...

Piano exam is....ta-da, TOMORROWWWW!!!!!!!!!! Argh... I don't know whether I can pass, but I need to pass... So, it's practice. practice, practice.....=_=' Yes, I'm babbling, but I think anyone would be right now too... I can't think, I'm not writing well, and I'm boring you....so I'll stop. Will write when I can think of something coherent.

Hey M'sians!! You can now vote for Kris Allen!!!! Or Adam Lambert, though I hope you don't =p Anyway, Hitz.fm is having this idol showdown, where we can vote for the best version of No Boundaries-either Kris', or Adam's.... The winning song will be played on the radio, whereas the losing song will be locked away, never to be played again.. Personally, I don't think that's fair, cos Adam's version and Kris' version are so different. Kris' is more of an inspiring tone, while Adam's is very rebel-like, punkish you might say. I think the Kris' version is better for this song with such kind of lyrics. I find the lyrics very cheesy, by the way...I mean, mountains and hurricanes?! c'mon! They deserve a better song than that! Anyway, I just want to say, VOTE FOR KRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the only time we can vote for Kris ( or Adam), so we should exercise our right!! Plus, it's free. Just go to the website (hitz.fm) and you'll se...

I'm sorry. I just had to do this...... KRIS ALLEN WON AMERICAN IDOL 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm tired. I'm so, so tired of fighting....my exams. Now i know what a war is like...nothing but an endless mass of gore and violence and pain and sorrow. Everyday you pull on your armour, and rush to the front lines to fight and defend, till every part of your body aches and you wish you can just lay down and die. I hate the long exams, they drag on forever and i don't even feel happy when they are over...i just feel like sleeping and never waking up. It doesn't help when the exams were a fiasco too. An ultimately I just wonder what's the point of it all. I know i did very badly this time around, and I got no one to blame but myself. I'm the type who needs a lot of time to grasp certain knowledge, and I didn't make that time. I was so busy. But I can't use that as an excuse cause Ara and Shaki and Clement ( the mighty mindz ) were busy too...and I know they did well no matter what they say. Argh ! And now I need to study real hard for my bible knowledg...

yes, I'm suppose to talk about gala. Unfortunately, I have a terrible, formidable enemy which is the midyear exams...sigh. So I would be involved in a war for about three weeks....and it's a slim chance I would win this one... Which means I won't be around to write about how gala rocked until it's over so i'm here to say sorry for the delay. Now is you'd excuse me, I need to prepare my troops and weaponry. May your swords stay sharp!

I still had post-gala euphoria (which totally ROCKED, tell u more nxt time), when I found it . It was math period, and I was, in a way, the teacher's assistant in handing up the math exercise papers...that was all we did nowadays, cause she finished the entire syllabus last year. So I was rushing to give back all the papers she had marked and hand up the papers to her so that I can go back and do my OWN work which had been neglected for goodness knows how long. I opened the drawer, reached in to check if I had forgotten any papers and it just slipped into my hand. A perfect fit. Manila cards, neatly cut to fit the palm of my hand, in colours of yellow and pink. Debate cards. Debate. KGV. Rats. I let out a humongous sigh, the pain of it all came rushing back. I guess I haven't gotten over it. I thought I had. But the twisting pain was still there, breaking my heart. The recovery is taking longer than I thought. Why? I mean, we lost last year too, but I didn't feel this bad. ...

I suppose you know we lost in debates.... What am I suppose to say? We were the winners and everyone knew it. And I mean everyone . So why do these things happen? Whatever happen to fairness and equality? I suppose you could say that this is life, this is how it has always been. I should accept it, right? But I can't. I just can't. I am depressed. I really love debating. Not just because it is an English language activity; I love what it is, the very core. The sights the air around the debate hall, the electricity when debating. I love the eloquence and the play of words, the twist of the language to beautiful and intricate knots. I love every single minute of debates; the discussions, the practices, the competitions. Debates is my first love. Why else would I pick it over drama and public speaking? Why else would I throw my entire self into it? And to know that we lost our chance of winning, for the first and last time, because of discrimination and injustice, the very thing...

Haha, I promised you guys by the end of that week, didn't I? So sorry... Anyway, I wonder what I should update on, because prefect camp is like so over, and prefect gala hasn't started...Interschool CF is so over, and the camp hasn't started...sort of like in between things now. I think I should say a few things about prefect camp. I think it's the best prefect camp EVER!!!!! Namely because we the AJKS organized it, but trust me, it was no joke...we had more stress before the camp than during the camp. I feel that it's the best prefect camp so far because every activity had its purpose. A very clear purpose, I mean. And I'm glad we made it clear to the prefects wgat the purpose was. I'm sure previous camps had their purposes as well, but because they didn't make it so clear, it kind of felt like a meaningless torture camp. Sorry to any of the ex-AJKS reading this, but that's how I felt. Ouch. Anyway, the biggest bummer was me losing my voice, and al...

hi, bye. Yes, that's how busy I am nowadays, very sorry to all who are so eagerly (funnily enough) following my blog. I want to wite on a lot of things, and I promise that by this week I'll put a post up, but right now I really can't. It's funny apologizing when in the first place this blog is for myself but now I can see that it's for others too. So once again I'm on my knees craving your pardon on my slowness to update and hoping that you will make my dreams come true by forgiving me and giving me one thing I need right now : time.

this is just to say that I've deleted the followers feature not because I hate the followers, far from that. I just find it a bit show offy ....me being me proud self, see? And I trust that you guys are reading my blog...you guys comment so much on the cbox , I can scroll down now, and I have to keep scrolling and scrolling , haha . Love it that you guys love my entries, it really encouraging. Would you read my articles in the newspapers or magazine should I ever become a journalist or an article writer or whatever? haha , like that's ever gonna happen...

I'm utterly bamboozled, puffled and, well, shocked. Bamboozled is a word, or should be one, in my opinion. After all, them englishy people put the word "googled" in..... Puffled is a combination of puzzled and baffled...at least that's how I feel it should add up. Back to the bamboozling news, well, it was that I went for a chess competition. Daerah level, mind you. Yes, it is shocking because I had never went for one in my life (even though I had plenty of chances last year and the year before). The next puffling news is that I didn't lose all the matches as I predicted. I won three, lost three. That is shocking because I only know how to move them pieces, no tactics, no strategies, nada . The only inspiration I get is through Narnia books (they do discuss battle strategies sometimes), and the Lord of the Rings movies. Well, and recently the Redwall books, the ones that made me go 'yes, sah !' and such? Know them? nevermind .... Another shocking new...

Guess I will be making a lot of short notes from now on....like little red flags on the map to show you where I am. Let's make this interesting, shall we? Commader: Progress report! The Lady Knight (or the bumbling idiot, take your pick): Evenin' sah! Soldier currently forgin' off an attack from them Homework pests, sah! No sight of reinforcements, and 'fraid I'm commin' down with a stinkin' annoyin' flu, sah! Commander: Anything else, young 'un? TLK/BI: More bad news, sah! The soldiers are being somewha' confused, sah! Some of ' em don't really know what's happening concerning the mission Prefect Camp, meself included, sah! Also, scounts ahead have found that a charge of debate is cummin' 'round , sah, and it looks bad, sah! Commander: Think you can handle it, young 'un? TLK/BI: Will do me best, sah, always do. But the chances of survivn' this are as thin as a rake, sah. Lord SPM still has the upper hand, and the bl...

For the sake of some pestering people, i will leave a short note to say that i will not be leaving a short note...which in turn makes me realize that i have just left a short note even though i said i won't.... Yes, crap. I know. Fine. I'll update. But the next time someone asks me to update, I'm cancelling this blog. I mean it. School is taking its toll on me.....I'm dying to read a good book in one sitting and visit the library everyday but I can't. I can't borrow books either, which promptly crushes my dream of wanting to read all the books in the library before SPM ....last I checked, I had about, say, ten thousand over?? Well, it looks that way. So now, whenever I have the time, I run in just to have the air of books around me, that smell of stories that tug at my heart, begging to be read. Of course, it's painful to say no and walk out, but it would be a lot worse if I didn't go in at all. At least I know that I could grab one of them if I wanted, ...

We were both young when I first saw you I close my eyes And the flashback starts I'm standing there On a balcony of summer air See the lights,  See the party, the ball gowns I see you make your way through the crowd You say hello Little did I know That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles And my daddy said stay away from Juliet And I was crying on the staircase Begging you please don't go, and I said: Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story baby just say yes So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet cause we're dead if they know So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter And my daddy said stay away from Juliet But you were everything to me I was begging you please don't go and I said: Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting all there's left to do i...

This is just to say that I will not be blogging much unless the opportunity arises. This is because I have entered the land of School.....and this year, Lord SPM has absolute domination and the torment  of Homework has increased, not to mention the usual petty enemies known as Tests and Examinations (aka pests and abhor-ations ). So, me, the Student and fellow Warrior, has to gird up and put on me armour to do battle with these vicious fiends and monsters, until the reign of the evil SPM is destroyed................yes LAME I know!! But it feels that way. Of course, I have the usual workload of prefects work, CF (which isn't really work cuz I love it soo much), debates (which is an increasing pressure), Piano (me got exam!!!!!), chess (which has increased, drat), renjer (which will increase, double drat) and maybe drama ( argh !) Not to mention the usual avalanche of essay writing competitions which I will NOT join this year....have enuf on my plate for now. Oh, and tuitio...