The Dysfunctional Pilgrim

It's curtains, baby. Time to set a new stage. Time to leave, but keep the memories, Time to turn a new page. Are you ready? Hold my hand and breathe in. Don't be afraid, don't worry; the Sovereign One will lead us through again. wrote the first paragraph at dna, just added in the rest today. Blessed New Year, everyone.

Was listening to taylor swift's new album and started scribbling this....this...thing. Edited it slightly, but it still doesn't sound right. Just dumping it here to see whether you can do something about it, o great whoever-who-gets-inspired. Yes, I'm afraid that most of my posts here is me dumping my trashy rough scribblings on you. Hardly any of them are really edited properly. What would Pn . Poga say? sigh... Well, here it is. Hopefully it's improve-able and not sh**y as previously commented by someone (and hey i'm REALLY not mad at that someone, just perplexed that she never explained her comment. it's a shame, I'd have loved to know her reasoning.) Two kids The King is dead; long live the king! We’re here to be royalty in fantasy Two kids in a fairyland Here to grow up and conquer. There are ogres and giants Bitter beasts, evil witches and demons. Saddle your noble steed and grab your sword We’ ve a world to defend Your ...

Don’t you ever wonder what Will happen when it ends How can we let go of the Ones who we call friends And I know, it’s only a story, but For so many it’s more than that It’s a world, all on its own where we Want to put on the sorting hat I will miss the train ride in And the pranks pulled by the twins And though it’s no where I have been I’ll keep on smiling from the times I had with them Could there ever be again Another one like this One that’s brought us together and Started its own music movement Soon we will see it closed The final chapter exposed It’s an end of an era And I’m seeing clearer That nothing will ever be the same a song by oliver boyd and the remembralls, yes this is a wrock (wizard rock) band. There's plenty of them around, and some of their lyrics are reli nice, thought some can be a bit...lame (go see my previous fb status-es to find out). didn't you feel like this at the end oh harry potter? or at the end of something? wanna see more wrock bands? this is q...

I've had it. I've tried and tried to write, but i can't, and i understand why now. Of late I've been wondering how much i should post up here for the whole world to see. No, the CIA hasn't called me in or anything, neither has the Mafia, but I'm beginning to question how much of my private life i should make public; and how much of myself should i show. Not that I'm a mystery, mind you, but privacy is a precious thing; and sometimes some things should be kept to themselves. More importantly is the fact that I'm not a good writer. I've been reading Alcott again, and now i understand the difference between "genius and talent", as she says. I won't deny that i may have talent, but genius i lack, and i can't write everything and anything brilliantly. I spent a trying time putting my thoughts together in written form to interest you, and I've come to the conclusion that my head is just not equipped for it. A genius could write anythi...

Four days holiday…with minimum homework and no more exams. Yayness. I guess I can really blog about myself now. I haven’t been doing that, sorry. Yesterday, I did an assessment on my personality. My entire youth group has been going crazy over it; they all know whether they’re a choleric or sanguine and all that. I didn’t take the test then, so I had no idea what my personality is. I know now though. JCG people who read my blog would be so darn excited. Though I believe they’ve guessed my personality right. I’m a combination- melancholic and phlegmatic. Oh wow, I’m a depressed, moody, sensitive nut! I can go be part of the Twilight circus now. (Carolyn-care to join me? LOL) Why am I telling you this? Good question. But this is to show you the potent power of peer pressure. The youth group has been going on about it for months, and I never found it that big a fuss (that’s the phlegmatic attitude for you). And today, I finally got up and took the trouble to do it because everyone has don...

There was a still silence as it was dragged in, its hair bedraggled, its face haggard from the lack of sleep. Everyone stared at it accusingly, but with a smile on their faces. “You are here, my dear one, because you have failed,” the Judge spoke gently, as if to a wayward child, but his smile was thin and hard. “You are here, because you have not done enough. Do you not think so?” “But-but-..” it whispered. “Silence,” he smiled at it again, but there was now a slight narrowing of his eyes. “I see that you do not agree. Very well,” he turned to the crowd. “You may speak against it.” A woman stood up. Her clothes were immaculately clean and well-pressed, her hair neat and in order. Everything about her showed Perfection. “The condemned,” she spoke gently. “It has not been what it should be. It has not been doing what is expected of it. It is expected to listen to me, to do as I ask, and it has not. It is not Perfect.” She sat down again smoothly. “Indeed, it is as you have said.” exclai...

Dance, lady Dance your sorrows away Smile and laugh Leap and twirl No one shall know your pain. Dance, lady Let the tear fall from your pretty face down your ruby lips Taste the salt and smile. Dance, lady Let the swishing skirts the ringing bells Hide the breaking heart No one shall know your pain. Dance, lady. Dance. (Note: this was spontaneously done...born from an observation and penned by a desire to ...comfort) As usual, no copy and paste. =)

Yeah, it’s been awhile. The makings of a perfect weekend have just begun. First off, I finally got to play around in the kitchen. I made jam-Mulberry jam. What berry? This: Yes, we grow that in our garden. In fact, it’s the only plant that’s really thriving in our place; which is rather ironic because it’s not a local plant. What, we kill out starfruits but the mulberries survive?? Strange world. Anyway, the tradition is, Arnan plants and trims the mulberry plants, I pick the berries and make the jam. The last time I made jam, it ended up in a very very sweet syrup, due to the lack of pectin. According to a recipe I found on the internet, we don’t need pectin, but somehow it just didn’t work out. Why didn’t I use pectin last time? Because we couldn’t find any. No one here seems to sell it. And we were having boxes upon boxes of mulberries in our fridge so….well we had to do something before they all grow rotten. But this time, I have pectin thanks to Uncle Chin Keong who came bac...

My shoes are officially...busted. The strap broke at church today. As you can see, i keep my shoes for a very very very very very long time...notice the uh, peeling of the soles. But i liked them lots cuz they weren't slippery, which is a very good thing for a clutz like me as i can fall down on an even floor. Also, i have such a difficult time finding shoes that i like, so i tend to keep them longer. I don't just pick the latest fashion and all that. It has to fulfill all sorts of criteria. Ask my family and they'd tell you how many shops it'd take to find me a proper shoe. I think i kept them for what, three years? Not bad for an RM10.00 pasar malam quality shoe. Rather good bargain actually. Though of course most ppl don't wear their shoes for this long. I'd miss it..i don't think they sell this style anymore..ha. Randomness abounds. Sorry. Back to homework. Oh, and i prefer my old blogskin. Unfortunately, i can't change it back. Some updating on ...

Frustrating is the word. Right now, I have three stories and of course, the blog posts you have been waiting for bouncing in my head. Yes, bouncing. For the past three weeks, they have been pestering me. “Write me! Write me!” and all that. And I can’t can’t can’t CAN’T write any of them because……….. PENGAJIAN AM ASSIGNMENT. I hate you….*snarls* Ok, no, I don’t. But I just turn the “evil eye” on anything that stops me writing. Which would include Maths, Chemistry and tuition homework. Or maybe I should turn the “evil eye” at myself. Because I’m the one making myself sit down and do homework right? But what do you expect me to do, NOT do my homework? *pauses to contemplate* Impossible. Ah, sweet discipline. Aren’t you all so PROUD of me? Ugh. And so the stories continue to bounce. ARGH. And the “evil eye” continues to glare at every annoying thing in sight. Maybe I should just give up, and my PA teacher would be oh so glad to know that he’s right about me. Oh you don’t know about that? Y...

hey. i can't write. yet. just busy now...suddenly so many things cropped up! Though i suppose you're wndering why i still hv time to go online...haha. this is more of a shoutout to gabrielle..........never saw a comment that was one sentence yet with wat...6 lines???? haha c ya.

so sorry i can't write abt the NZ trip. I'm sure most of you are wondering what happened and aren't too happy with my extremely "satisfactory" replies of ok, fine or great. hopefully i can type something out this weekend but currently i've got a lot (i think...a hundred plus) of math questions overdue, and i got pengajian am work, and i want to rewrite my chem and PA notes cuz they're so awful. And i want to study and catch up with what i've missed during the trip because i feel very very stupid now. I'm really really sorry. F6 is ok, getting used to it, but still a struggle. Write more later. Haih. Got to go. How's everyone else?

Wanted to write the way i felt about things...but it was somehow difficult. So I did the way i knew best-story form. It's a bit messy and..strange, and maybe a bit emotional, but i think it serves the purpose. i think. Once upon a time, there was a little girl. This little girl dreamt dreams, read books, looked at the world around her and thought a very big-girl thought: “The world seems to be a very sad place. I wish I can change it.” One Sunday, her teacher taught her about the twelve Disciples, great men who served the King. The teacher told her that these men were all very ordinary people, just like her. “And do you know what they did?” the teacher asked. When no answer came, he took a miniature globe and turned it upside down. “That’s what they did.” The little girl’s eyes bulged. “They really did that?” “Yes, and you can too; if you believe and trust in the King.” The little girl thought of nothing but that, dreamt of nothing but that, and holding the globe that the teacher g...

I’ve realized that I’m indecisive. Take this as an example: I was invited out for an outing with my friends today. Most people would have given a “yes” or a “no” quite immediately. I took the whole day. Why? My first reaction was a no, for reasons that you’d soon see below. However, I changed my mind around 10p.m. So I asked around and soon transportation wasn’t a problem. So I considered it for a bit longer, and decided I would go. Now, I turned to my parents for permission. For those who don’t understand how my mind works (which makes all of you), I only ask for parental approval AFTER I’ve approved of it myself. For me, I feel that if I don’t want it, why ask? However, this form of decision making isn’t that effective because if my parents should disapprove, I’d be disappointed simply as I’ve already decided on going. And most of the time their immediate reaction to my disappointment is annoyance as they feel that I simply want my way. Which is true of course, but … not quite so tru...

I charged up the stairs as the noise above told me what I already knew: I was late. Chagrin swept over me-didn’t I commit myself to be earlier for this? I reached the meeting area, and scanned the room for an empty seat. Everyone was on their feet-the games had started. I continued surveying the room, trying to find an avenue to blend in. That’s when I saw you. It was only for a second before the sea of other faces swallowed up your face again, but it inexplicably attracted my instant attention. I knew I was going to be rudely staring at you for the rest of the day. And I was right. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. All throughout the meeting, and even when we headed down for refreshments later, I stole as many glances as I could, examining your face, observing and analyzing your every reaction. Who are you? I thought to myself. I was embarrassed and ashamed. This would be the third time something like this has happened. I’m beginning to be such an immature girl, with selfish thoughts a...

i play my song my simple song for the world to hear it's not a symphony it's just a simple melody for the world to hear but can you hear me can you hear me play? do you believe me and this song i play? this is the song of my heart my desire just to lay my life on the alter to bring Him praise to lift up His name so the world may hear of Him alone i wish i can play a better song for the world to hear i wish i can play a perfect song for the world to hear but all my mistakes create something beautiful can you hear me play my simple song? this is the song of my heart my desire just to lay my life on the alter to bring Him praise to lift up His name so the world may hear of Him alone Can you hear me play? can you hear my song? the simple song i've been given by the Maker of all? this is the song of my heart my desire just to lay my life on the alter to bring Him praise to lift up His name so the world may hear of Him alone I just want the world to hear the song Jesus gave me. -...

My JPA interview's tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect. And my blog is getting a bit crappy i think. I'm blogging this post on Tuesday, April 6th, but it shows a different date. does anyone know how to fix that?

Decided to check out urbandictionary.com for no reason and saw this: air guitar: An ancient art that originated after God wanted to rock out but had no electric guitar on hand. He realised how sweet a thing he had just created so he wanted to pass it down onto man when man had no axe to rock with. This talent was given to man, by God, through Jesus. Jesus showed the world the ineffable art of air guitar during his ressurection. Jesus was radiating with a bright white light because he was rocking so hard. The art of the air guitar was thus written down in the Bible and succesfully passed on to man. The practice of air guitar since it's inception has been shown throughout the history of the world. Jesus is discretely air guitaring in the famous painting The Last Supper in the Galleria Borghese, Rome. On and on has this holy tradition gone. It is kept alive by generations of rockers young and old. If you are listening to a really sweet guitar solo and you have no real guitar to emulat...

Ok, actually it's just one follower la. Went to watch V's speech to Evey, since a friends asked me to. Which is this, for those who don't know what I'm talking about. So below that video was this comment: SolidSnakeRules: Perfect! Powerful Protagonists' Pontification Pertaining to Peacebringing shall be Preserved Permanently Posthaste. People lack Patience; Pioneers Possess this Predisposition Particularly. If I may Peruse and Perhaps Partake in Participation Personally, I Propose Poison as Proper Procedure for Penalizing and Punishing the Perpetrators of Perfunctory Propaganda Portraying a Pathetic Personification of Power Plaguing our once Prolific and Prosperous Population. I am P, and Playtime has Passed. So ingenious! So fun to read stuff like that. No, I'm not going to start writing like that. I will not embarrass myself. Back to applications...I guess. Oh and for those who don't know, I'm not at NS typing this. I got exempted. Yup, the shorn shee...

Random announcement 1: Just had an on-the-phone conversation with a friend of mine..apparently he thought I was applying for law. Law. Me. Plearrrrrrghh. Since when did LAW and me ever work?? Oh and he thinks I complicate things. For example, when I assure him that he's not dumb, I'd go: "You are nowhere near dumb. Your character is anything but dumb. You can never be linked or described with the word dumb or any of its synonyms." Something along those lines la. But that's complicated meh? I'm just defending my statement. And trying to make conversation. It's better than saying "You're not dumb!" a bazillion times anyway. I wonder why smart people around me tell me that they're dumb. It makes me feel stupid ok! If you who are a genius think you're dumb, what does that make me? Super Dumb? Pish. Random announcement 2: I passed my driving. Hah. Who knew. To all who prayed for me, thanks a lot. You have no idea how much I needed it (th...

Reading is fun. Ok, so you know that I know that. No wait, you know that for me that's an understatement. I meant, reading with a dictionary on one side and my f5 vocab book (yes i still keep that book) with a pen on the other is a lot more..... satisfying? Edifying? Whatever. It's colossal fun. Yes I'm insane. Don't look at me like that. I know. but...seriously..try it.

Yesterday I was writing a bit and i realized I couldn't spell unbelievable. I did spell it right but...I wasn't confident. Then i forgot how to spell bizarre. AHHH!!! I need to read the dictionary again. And write more. Going back to study soon so must get brain back into shape. Suddenly I feel unworthy of my results...how can i forget how to spell simple English words??? And my BM is so hot either. Uh oh. ....i think i need to study la...or look through.

Beyond expectations. Beyond boundaries. Simply unbelievable. Thank God....that really just can't cover it. I'm amazed at His grace. ...living a dream...

It was the peak of summer. The heat was oppressive, as if you were swallowing hot water with every breath. The sun threw its bright, hot rays down to the earth mercilessly. There wasn't a single whisper of breeze to bring relief from the scorching heat. The forest was dry and a tense silence was in the air. The trees stood straight and rigid. Not a single leaf fluttered. Not a single blade of grass stirred. Not a single creature dared to leave its home. The only creature that had the courage to defy the unrelenting weather was the eagle soaring in the sky. He was the king of the forest. At the edge of the forest stood a house. It was quaint and neat, with white paint on the walls and a small bed of flowers decorating the porch. It was a symbol of civilisation. _____________________________________________________________________ Two boys scuttled to the backyard of the house, glancing over their shoulders with a mixture of fear and excitement. The house wasn't their home; ...

I want to write something..I had a line..an idea... *cracks knuckles* *thinks* *trying to recall* ... ... ... ... ... *nothing* *bangs head on table and moans* Be prepared for disappointment... My crazy fantasies and cold realism are at war.

The gods are selfish, he declared. and I understood. you can try so very hard to appease them but who knows when they are satisfied? They wreck fire and burning sulphur their wrath shakes the earth their wars destroys the universe who can stand against them? we have no power, no will, no right. Some did try They failed; but we must applaud them. for unlike other frightened mortals, They did what They could. Perhaps some have succeeded. But they passed away remembered no more by Time. And the gods live on Creating and wrecking. The gods are selfish and we are nothing. haha...got inspired by what Luke said in the movie Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. It sounds lame though. What you think?

I’m bored. I’m so bored that I actually want to go shopping, which is something I hate doing because I’m picky (I went to five different shops before I finally found my recent pair of shoes) and it’s annoying. In fact, the last time I went shopping was to get my prefect farewell dress. And it was my aunt who dragged me there, not my own girlie senses. But now I WANT to shop. And not for books (I don’t have that kind of money anyway). I mean girlie shop. Like going to Jusco just to buy three pairs of dangling earrings for RM 10 that would either a) get lost, b) get tangled in my hair and annoy me to death or c) get snatched away by some desperate half-crazed snatch thief. I’m so bored that I actually walked to STM and back just to see how long it would take. Just so you know, it took 40 minutes there and back. So I still would take the shortest time to get to DNA even if I walked. Though I wouldn’t of course. Who wants to do that with a huge bag anyway? But it would be amusing…. “Hi, ...

January's over???? *blinks sleepily* Sigh. I can't believe it. I guess not being in school has caused me to lose the habit of keeping up with the days. Haha. I have a list of books to read.......41 books to be exact. O.o And those are just the books in my house. I haven't counted those in the church library....and the ones i want to borrow...and maybe the school library again....> I need to dig out all the stories in my head that I've neglected. Sigh. That would take some time. And a lot of discipline. Maybe if someone kept bugging me...? Priya, my Jedi friend is BACK!!!!! Yay!! =) uh....the Jedi thing is a long story...private joke..and a bad one. Nvmd. That's the update la. Just being at home...helping out my mom...nothing much. Nothing exciting. I'm sorry if that's boring to you. It kinda is to me too. Sigh. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLEMENT THE GENIUS!!!!!=) Big boy di...........may you continue to grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men, And yo...

...one of the few stories I wrote that made me feel soooooo happy...though i need to work on the dialogue...too cheesy..enjoy.=) The cafeteria was loud and noisy, choked with bodies and heat. It was then I realized how large and overpopulated this school was, and how alone and foreign I was in that world. At a corner stood Cedric, standing as he ate. I gave him a shy smile. Cedric was the only one who tried to make friends with me, who knew that I exist. We met in the strangest way, but it was perhaps the best way to realize how similar we were. We were victims of bullying, and we shared the same pain. Cedric hesitated, and then slowly maneuvered his way to me. But even as he did so, Kevin stuck out his leg. They call Kevin a “jock”, though I never understood that term. Fries, milk, and all the other food on Cedric’s tray flew in slow motion as he fell to the floor, as I watched with a sense of dread. Not again, I prayed to all the gods I knew. Please, not again. Jeers and laughter fil...

Hey just reviewed my latest post and realized that there are a few corrections and add-ons I forgot to make.....haha Firstly, I think I gave the image that I had a terrible 2009. Rest assured that it was the opposite. It was the best year ever. I'm so blessed that God used me to go beyond my boundaries. I've drawn closer to many friends, I've learnt a lot along the way, and I've changed for the better (hopefully). It was just complicated as well....too complex to explain though. Haiz. Suffice it to say that I forgot quite often about abiding in God and thus faced the consequences for it as well as the miracles that followed when I finally turned back to Him. So really, I'm okay. Secondly, I finally found the word I wanted to find to describe my reflection thingy. It's not that I only figured the whole thing out at the end of the year. I learnt all this as I went along 2009. It was just a moment of concluding , so that I won't forget (hopefully) what I've...

Hey guys! I guess you'd realize by now that I'm officially back on the blogging wagon (which would be to the utter dismay of my parents). Yeah well, I guess all of you might just want to hear what's going on in my life than just the stories and poems and those short cheerful updates I've been posting to appease you. But it's been a lot; and some things I'd rather keep it between myself and God. However, you do want an update about ME. And I do owe you that much, especially to those who faithfully check on this little pilgrim's progress in life. Well. Where to begin. Hm. I've just been looking back at all my posts and I realized how much I have changed since last year. There's no better way to see how much you've changed by looking at how you do what you loved...in my case, it's writing. I think I like the change. I'm not so reckless, so unpredictable. I think I'm beginning to control myself better, think through things more. I'm a...

This is a small part of a story I'm beginning to write; you could say that it'd be a project. I did this because I wanted to finally let it out from my head, and also because of the encouragement of a close friend. I think you'll see why I was reluctant to write this down. But I hope you will not assume that I'm becoming violent or emo or whatever. =) And no this was not because of Criminal Minds either. Please tell me what you think. I looked back to the two of my friends on the remaining horse. We had what we wanted, but we needed to get out, now, unless we wanted to pay with our lives. The gate of the castle ground was closing swiftly. I turned again to see the vast army of trained Trackers charging at us. I knew that we would never make it out of the city alive with them at our heels. They needed to be destroyed. And only I could do it. Swinging around to look at my comrades, I yelled, “Run!!” “What???” I couldn’t wait for them to see reason. T...