Saturday, July 18, 2015

Letting the tap flow

I'm not putting off blogging because I have nothing to write. If anything, it is because I have too much to write, and too little time or inspiration to edit. 

My dilemma is that I constantly feel like I need to produce the best, most heartfelt post, every single time. For example, those three sentences I just wrote? I've edited it three times in less than five minutes. I may edit it more as I type along. 

I have 6 posts stored away as drafts, unfinished, or finished, but not "perfect". It's making me rather pissed off at myself. I mean, if there is one place for me to produce crappy work, it should be in the toilet and here, you know? And yet my own inner critic is holding me back, afraid of making any mistakes. 

I'm annoyed, because I shouldn't be afraid of making mistakes, as long as I learn from them. That's what I tell myself, my juniors, my students. And here I am, being a coward, not wanting to write, because I don't have the right words, the right plot, the right timing, situation, topic, etc etc. 

Screw that, I tell myself. It's high time to take my own advice. 

I've been trying to read up tips on writing, on doing things, and the only advice I get is to do it. Do it, suck at it, learn from what made it suck, and do it again. Let the clogged tap flow and let all the muck and sewage out, and eventually, we might hit clean water. 

So, I'm locking away my screaming inner critic. That voice in my head that tells me everything I do will never be good enough. I'm putting her in house arrest (or brain arrest). And I'm just going to crap. Every post that comes out now, will be a draft. It will never be in the perfect standard that I imagine it would be, because that standard, that place, is imaginary, and I'm never going to achieve it. 

But if I take the first few steps to get on writing, maybe I'll find something. 

I've edited this post 4 times now. I'm a chronic editor. Hence the need for this new mission. 

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