The Dysfunctional Pilgrim

Coney The Redominator - part 2

2012-01-13T12:46:00.002+08:00

Hello, here is the second part =)

If some of you are wondering why this is more nonsensical (and cheesy, *ahem ahem hint hint to a certain someone*) than my other stuff, it's really because it started on a whim, and i've yet to perfect it. Besides, "a little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest of men".

The majority of this part was written by Shaphan, btw.

The sun was high when Coney finally emerged from his cozy little burrow. Carrying only a bindle made from a nearby tree branch and his Avatar printed comforter. He made his way onto the narrow rabbit trail which lead to a vast world of adventure and re-domination of his kin.

It was a bright and lovely morning. With an atmosphere enhanced by chirping of the birds flying round and round, diving in and out of the high trees. Little Coney, enjoying the wonderful view of the rising sun together with the graceful movements of the birds was happily striding along the path when suddenly a bone-chilling screech was heard from atop the trees.

"Gawkk!!" came the strident sound of a falcon aloft the trees. Coney looked up incredulously. Fear crept up his tiny vertebrae. Coney's eyes darted desperately around, looking for some shelter to hide in.

Fortunately, the Gods of Happy Carrot Ground found it an auspicious moment to spare the life of little Coney. The rabbit's eyes caught hold of a hollow in a gargantuan oak tree. Not much, but plenty of room for camouflage. Little Coney dashed towards what was his only hope of survival.

The wings of the falcon fluttered over his head, its shadow formed a dark shade over Coney. He shivered. "What now??" he thought.

THUMP! LUMP! Down came the falcon on to his head like a tennis ball covered in feathers.

“AUGHHHHHHHHH!” screamed Coney.

“ACCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!” screeched the falcon. It sprang up and began advancing menacingly towards Coney.

"Please don't eat me...I taste terrible," whimpered Coney.

"Ah'm ain't a-listening! Ya sure will taste darrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnn gud!"

Despite himself, Coney cocked one of his ears. He had never heard a falcon speak, and more importantly, he had never heard anyone ever speak so terribly.

"You will get stomach-ache," he declared, and fervently hoped so.

Surprisingly, the falcon paused and looked nervous.

"No, shan't shan't get no tummy jigglies. no no.."

"Yes, you will. Your stomach will wobble like jell-o"

The falcon gave a moan and stopped in his tracks. "Dangnabbit my stomachy problems. Cabbages stink my intestines. I hash no...." and here he sniffed audibly. "I hash no proper falcon stomachies. I am no falcon."

"You're not a falcon?" Coney asked hopefully.

The falcon flashed a very falcon-ish glare. "Howsh saysh you my lunch saysh that! I am a FALCON! ACK!"

"But...." he said sadly. "My stomachies aren't meat yum-yum. They dun yum-yum rabbitsh. I am not a falcon....in my stomach"

Coney sat up straight at this perfect sentence.

"That's my mamash stuff to me. I no falon stomachies. I am a....." he paused and squinted. "a....veggie falcy. I no eat rabbitsh. Tries I must, or no falcy frensh I ish. But ish can't!"

The falcon looked like it was going to cry.

Coney, startled at the falcon's conduct, saw an opportunity opening. Could this be what has been destined for me? Coney thought to himself. He wasted no more precious bunny seconds and decided to take advantage of the situation.

"Now now. Don't cry," pleaded Coney, "It’s okay not to be the way you should be."

"Oh yea?" replied the falcon between tears.

"Yea! Like my mummy used to say, thou shalt not judge..." Coney's squeaky voice trailed off as the sweet memories of his late mother came back to him. He had great time with her, up till her demise during their visit to Coney Island. It was a traumatic experience for him.

"Erhm.." Coney cleared his throat, "As I was saying," he continued, "It’s okay to be who you are. After all. We are who we are."

The falcon looked at Coney indifferently.

Coney pressed on hurriedly. "Besides, who says you need to eat rabbits to be a falcon, eh? Maybe you got such a strong stomach, you can only eat......mountain lions! And bears! Big fat juicy bears! I think that's just what you need!"

"Me ishy stomach strongeryish?" questioned the falcon skeptically.

"Yeah! Say, you know what, I think I know where to get you some mountain lion!...why not you tag along?" invited Coney, stunned at his own words. I must have lost my mind, he thought. Oh well, I suppose he can protect me, if he doesn’t eat me first. And he should learn proper grammar.

"Yayness! I foooollow the lunch!"

Oh dear, sighed Coney. I am a fool.

Slowly, he turned his nose west and sniffed.

"I think our journey begins here...."

To be continued.....(if you want it to)

I'm alive!

2011-12-22T11:19:00.003+08:00

There have been rumors circulating that i have been abducted by aliens. I'm here to inform you that those rumors are simply NOT TRUE.

I was NOT abducted. It was an exchange program! I went with three others to be exposed to the cultures of various alien species from several galaxies. Unfortunately out of the three I was the only one who returned unscathed....the others could not handle all the weirdness. I did managed to purchase a lightsaber as a souvenir though.

Also, if you believe the story above, then you are weirder than me.

Ok, back to the mundane things now.

STPM is over, I'm here, alive. Somewhat. It wasn't quick, certainly not easy, and sadly not painless. But it's over.

What's going on now?

A whole lot of concerned people are asking me what's next....which is sweet of them but it's also getting really tiresome. I think I should hang a signboard around my neck or something.

Right now, I am on holiday, and I don't really want to speculate the future. I'm not clueless about it, but neither do I want to just bounce off to it. I think I want some time off to think. But when I'm in a more talkative mood, I'll post something here.

But for those who are just DYING from curiosity, here is my general holiday plans:

1. Christmas dinner

2. Clean room

3. Read

4. Write

5. Back to the piano stool

6. Work

7. Check out universities

8. Exercise

9. Some tv

You see? It's very boring. What else do you think I'd do, go and fly with dragons or something? I might try shopping again, so that would be mildly entertaining. But I doubt it.

Happy holidays, and Blessed Christmas! Maybe if i have the time, I'd post something about it here. =)

In the meantime, be glad or be very afraid....for I am back. Muahahahaha.

Coney the Redominator - part 1

2011-09-17T00:52:00.003+08:00

(This is something Shaphan - a friend of mine- and i came up with. I thought i put it up here to see how you'd enjoy it. Hopefully, we'd be able to crack our brains and continue this.)

Oh...which are his, and which are mine? haha...figure that out yourself!

It was a cold night. Little rain droplets falling slowy giving a slight shower overhead like that of sprinklers in the garden. Besides the brawling of the stray cats in the backyard, nothing would have interupted the serenity and tranquility of the night.

Little Coney was lying cuddled up in the warmth of his Avatar comforter. Wide-eyed, he was aspiring to be many things. A writer. A prodigy pianist. Or something more. Something desired by most of the pathethic entities in the world. World domination.......

..................had already been accomplished by the great Bluepaw, a pure white hare with a blue right paw. The green and blue world known as Earth was theirs; there was no world that the rabbits and their cousins did not dominate. Little Coney sighed and snuggled back into his comforter. Perhaps he can be an Explorer instead of a Conquerer. Maybe there are other worlds out there...

Suddenly, a flash of white light shone into his eyes. Startled, he sprang up, his ears erect, his nose quivering. He saw a figure right outside his burrow. Our brave hero shook of his comforter and ran to face it. Wonder of wonders, it was Bluepaw the Dominator.

Coney lay himself so flat that the tips of his ears touched the ground. ‘G..greeting, my liege”

“No fear, my little Coney,” laughed Bluepaw. “I am not longer thy liege. I have passed to the happy carrot ground”

“You’re a ghost!?” gasped Coney, and trembled despite himself.

“That is for you decide. But I mean thee no harm. I have only a special task for thee.”

“Me?” squeaked Coney.

“Yes, thee! Cease thy pointless questionings. This floating-in-the-air act takes a great amount of strength. I do not have much time. Our world,” she said gravely, “is overrun. Our dominion here on earth is threatened.”

“But I thought we lived in peace and prosperity.”

“No longer. The humans no longer serve us. They have fallen to other creatures: cats and hamsters and parrots and dogs! They no longer pamper us. We are no longer their Pets. Pah! I am disgusted by them. Serving smelly dogs! A disgrace! You must stop this. We must become their Pets once again!”

“What shall I do?”

“Leave thy burrow and go forth into the world. Thou shalt face thy destiny.”

“But what is my destiny?”

“Re-dominate Earth!” So saying this, she vanished. And Little Coney’s destiny was destined: He was now Coney the Re-dominator.

The sun was high when Coney ……(to be continued)

First Impressions

2011-07-25T23:04:00.003+08:00

It was the first day of school. A simple, plain-looking bespectacled girl peered into a classroom full of noisy students. Widening her eyes, she quickly whipped out of sight and leaned against the wall, wincing in trepidation, as if the sight of her peers were not quite to her liking. After a few moments, she nervously entered her new classroom and sat in a far corner, fiddling around with the straps on her bag to avoid looking at the other students in class. She was annoyed at the strangeness of everything, of having to be alone yet again, with no one to talk to. She was also apprehensive about having to make new friends all over again, just after one short year. Not to mention, having to somehow make friends with these people who probably had twice the amount of her IQ.

A few moments later, a hyperactive, bouncy (really, there’s no other word for it) boy in prefect uniform, er, bounced in. With a shock of thick black hair, and cheerful bright eyes, he had the look of someone who could be comfortable even in a hurricane. He surveyed the class eagerly, bellowed a greeting to some of his friends, and er, bounced (again) into an empty seat, directly in front of this girl, who was setting her eyes firmly on her book and deliberately avoiding all curious eyes, including (and especially) this purple blur staring down at her.

“Hello!” he grinned at her, positively delighted.

What kind of fellow addresses a stranger? She raised an eyebrow and stared at him, but made no reply.

“Are you new here?” he asked, flashing his set of gleaming white teeth, which complemented his sparkling eyes.

Her eyebrows were raised even higher; after a pause, she nodded silently.

“Cool!” was his reply, as if that was the best thing he ever heard, but he was beginning to raise his eyebrows too. Silence made him uncomfortable.

“Well erm, what are you reading? Is that a book?” Obviously it is, he thought to himself. What a question.

Obviously it is, she thought as she pressed her lips together. Was he making fun of her? What kind of question is that? Nevertheless, she consented to show him the title. He peered at it for a moment.

“That’s nice. What’s your name? I haven’t seen you before. What class were you from last year?”

She sighed. Here goes everything.

“I’m ____, from 1 Melur last year. Afternoon session.”

Go ahead, she thought dryly. Laugh. Think me an idiot, you brilliant have-Einstein’s-IQ- people.

“Oh!” he exclaimed. No wonder she’s so quiet. He hitched his grin back on his face to welcome her. “Well, hi! I’m ___. Looks like I’ll be sitting in front of you this year. You don’t mind, right?”

Surprised at the lack of any form of disapproval, she frowned heavily at him with suspicion. You’re so tall, isn’t it obvious you’ll be blocking my view? But she managed to shake her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Alright, cool! Er….well, have a great day!” he said as he stared at her oddly. Then he turned away to more friendly people. Stuck up, arrogant snob, he concluded.

She followed him with her eyes as he bounded away. She probably didn’t make a good impression. Ah well, she pressed her spectacles firmly against her nose and turned back to her book. What a talkative, insane boy.

Years later, they look back together and laugh, because they became best of friends.

This is to the talkative, insane, brilliant boy. I’m glad my first impression didn’t stop you.

Many happy returns, God bless =)

Nerds of the World Unite!

2011-07-14T23:45:00.002+08:00

I am an absolute nerd you see,

highly disciplined and never lazy.

Will never forget to study a chapter a day,

Heaven forbid I skip, I'll always find a way.

Ever and anon you'll hear my war cry,

"I am a nerd! A full-fledged nerd am I!"

I am a nerd 'till the day I die,

will get my As, my exam colours fly.

Self motivation, indeed. =.=

Undesired desire

2011-06-13T22:38:00.003+08:00

Don’t leave me don’t go, I say
Even so, I push you away shove you out…hard.
No; out you go, never again, out and
don’t ever come back…ever.

But wait, stop, I clutch you
come back, come back…just awhile more.
Then you can leave, I’ll let you
No I’ll make you…right Now.

Please? I beg. Please?
Let’s have him, oh please once…again.
Let us let him linger a little longer
I want you oh the ache it hurts…so bad.

No. Never.

Yes…please?

You can’t. No. Get out, leave
me alone, just leave now go away…I hate you.
Look at what you’ve done this is your fault, look
what you’ve done what you’re doing…to me!

and yet
come please stay…a little longer.
One last time, stay and wait
Forever and forever…with me.

No no no you don’t! Can’t!
You destroy me it’s killing me…Leave!
“How can I?” you finally laugh a reply
“You made me, I am forever…in your mind.”

note: Just an idea i'm playing around with. I am not schizo. Psycho..maybe. Corny title...unfortunate

Art thou afeared?

2011-06-12T21:21:00.003+08:00

Art thou afeared?
Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again: and then, in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open and show riches
Ready to drop upon me that, when I waked,
I cried to dream again.

~Caliban, The Tempest, Shakespeare

"It's such a sad thought!" - Lionel Logue, The King's Speech

Yes, I've finally watched it. Amazing. =)

Remorseful Sadist

2011-06-02T01:20:00.002+08:00

I had mentioned something about a rat dissection before. Someone did record the whole thing actually, and I do have the video. Unfortunately, my bio teacher made us promise that we would not put it up online until we have finished our STPM, which would be in let me see…171 days time!!???

So you have to bear my description instead. My confession will be concise.

Rat dissection – our initiation to the world of medicine, I suppose. It’s very easy really – we are to dissect a rat (two students to a rat), and just have a good look at the insides. Oh yes, and draw certain organs and systems. But here is the irony – we did not look at our rats to draw. We simply traced out a standard picture taken from the internet. Our rats died in vain….heh.

For some strange reason, bio classes are overpopulated with girls. This in turn causes a problem – too many girls who refuse to touch a rat. Girls who were squeamish fought to have a boy as a partner (oh you lucky males), or a girl who was not so freaked over rodents. Yours truly was the not-so-squeamish, so my partner was very free…she was the one that took the video. Not of me dissecting though, thank goodness.

Executing the rats reminded me of the Holocaust. They were placed in a large glass jar – about ten or so – and cotton soaked in chloroform was dropped in. With the jar being transparent (duh), we had the privilege of witnessing the rats dying. It was not painless and it was certainly not very quick either. We were all much freaked that halfway during the “operation”, they would wake up, so we put in lots of cotton, and we left them there for a long time…piled up on one another, scrabbling, scratching each other, jumping and sliding against the smooth walls, dying…until their fur was soaked in chloroform.

Was that too much for you?

After our teacher demonstrated with a rat (which horror upon horrors, was a PREGNANT rat @.@) , it was our turn.

I eagerly fished out a rat by the tail, pinned it to the board, and hacked it open with a scalpel, and bellowed a MUAHAHAHAHAHAA…..

No lah. Of course not. In fact I was having a very hard time picking a rat because I wanted a male, so that I know I’d never dissect a PREGNANT rat. Of course none of us knew how to differentiate between male and female rats, so in the end I chose a thin one that (hopefully) was not pregnant. Then I had a very hard time poking a pin through its paw. You are supposed to do that to all FOUR limbs so that the body does not move. For some strange reason it reminded me of the Crucifixion.

Although I was not squeamish, I am no sadist either. Ok, I admit it, my hand was shaking when I was holding the pin. I think I took five minutes for the first paw…because it just seems so…wretched. Cruel.

But once the first paw was pierced, I got on fine. Snip, snip, snip, pin, pin, pin. We took a good look at everything…and yes, it was NOT pregnant. Yay.

And now for the real horror: what we did after.

Me – ok la, I did a few awful things as well….I pull out the intestines just to see how long they were. They were very very VERY long. I also took a look at its teeth (which needed some Colgate, stat). But that was all. I packed it all in nicely back as well as I could, and then wrapped it very neatly in paper.

The rest of my mates, once they got over their squeamish feelings…well, some chopped of the head, someone pulled out the intestines too…but instead of going “oh wow, very long”…he/she started making it lay out around the rat…just to see how long was in proportion to it. Others weren’t paying attention to our teacher and dissected the head instead and looked at the brains instead of the digestive system.

The worst (best?) was this: He skinned the whole rat. Oh yes he did, and he did it very well for a first timer (or is he a beginner??? Hmm). EVERYTHING came off in a nice fur mat…including the little cute ears. I couldn’t help admiring his handiwork. That would be one cool handphone case. Oh no, did I just say that?

The worst (best?) part: he said “Teacher, can I preserve this and take home??”

=____=||| Bio students no life la.

What happened to the rats in the end? We are to wrap them and toss them into a huge garbage bag. I doubt everyone wrapped theirs though. I think they just threw them in. I, on the other hand, thought we would be able to bury them in the school field. Wouldn’t that be some way of expressing remorse? The field would become a cemetery for rats and at night their spirits would come back and haunt the school (which would freak all the scouts out HAHA!).

So yep. That’s all. We were supposed to do it again to study the respiratory system, but our class was very soft-hearted and told our teacher (who was very soft-hearted as well), that since we have used our first rats to the fullest capacity (we checked out every system the body could possibly have), why waste? So we were off the hook. They felt like saints.

I was thinking that, those rats were probably raised in captivity, were fed on processed food and kept in cramped spaces, to be sold off to us students. Even if we didn’t buy them, they would have been bought by others. What difference did we make? Their suffering shall persist, from generation to generation.

*shrugs*

And that was my report on rat dissection. Videos and pictures would come AFTER I leave school.

Too bad.

Holiday now, and apart from taking a break I hope to clear up some things, write something, read something and study SOMETHING.....IF that happens. It MUST!

Happy hols to those who have them...to those with summer hols...i envy you.....=)

AI results highlight

2011-04-17T15:12:00.004+08:00

Sorry. I had to put this up! AI results show yesterday. Contestants met some famous director (so famous i dunno his name=.=) Talked to them about the importance of music in movies.

This is paraphrased as i can't remember all he said. I hope i got his crazy lyrics right though.

Director: Music makes movies iconic. Some movies are remembered because of the music. Like Chariots of Fire. In fact, it would have been a greater hit if they used the words i wrote for the song...

Then he started la.

(i dare you to sing it out loud...just follow the soundtrack-u all should know the CoF soundtrack right? who doesn't???)

We're running on the seashore

We're running on the sand

We're running in circles

There's sand in our toes

Chorus:

And there goes the Jewish guy in front

and there goes the Christian guy behind

I wonder who's gonna win this time

It's gonna be close

I haven't laughed so hard for so long. I suppose some might find it offensive...and i don't mean it to be, but that was HILARIOUS!

Really, really glad i watched AI. It brightened me day.

So yeah. Work now.

This is my chorus! (made it up while chatting with a friend)

And there goes my math and chemistry

down to the drain along with me

i cannot believe I'm so crazy

well what can i say..

Yesh. I'm weird that way.

The Pill and Other Drugs....

2011-04-16T21:24:00.003+08:00

A new movie is out - Limitless. Something abt this down-and-out dude who looks like a wreck who then decides to take this PILL and *poof!* Super smart, super efficient, super good looking fella replaces the loser. Yeah, you get the picture.

I haven't seen it yet, but it is an interesting story. Not a new one, but intriguing all the same. Who doesn't want a pill to boost our miserable mundane lives once in a while eh? Who doesn't a pill that solves (or so it'd seem) all problems? This isn't a new desire or craze. It's been here for awhile.

I read an article on students who took drugs - not to have a party "high" - but to study. Yep. Drugs provide you a boost and helps you stay energized all night...so you can study all night through and actually feel pretty good the next day.

What would i do if i somehow came across this Pill? Everyone knows the Dark Side to it.

Still....so tempting.

Of course i am NOT promoting drugs. Don't do drugs! But it's an appealing idea, especially now with all my work to cover that either ends up making me feel a) exhausted, or b) stupid.

Who doesn't want to have more brains? Or to be more accurate, the ability to use all of our brain capacity? Imagine the things we can do. That i can do. For one, no more homework piling up. No more trouble studying. No more problems in picking up new things. No more mental "blankness". Superbrain. Superhuman. Perfection.

...............

Like i said, tempting.

Come to think of it, this in a way happened in the garden of Eden too, no? "Eat the fruit and your eyes will be open...become wise...be like God" (this is paraphrased). It's very easy for us who are sitting comfortably on our couches with the Bible on our laps to say "Noooooooooooo Eve!! Don't do it!" But if you think about it, you can see how tempting it is.

Fruit, Pill, whatever. They're all the same, aren't they? It all comes to the same end.

I'm up to my eyeballs with work, but I really don't feel enthusiastic about doing it. In fact, I feel like going far far away to sleep for a long long time. Somewhere around...FOREVER. ><

Life is pressurizing. Everyone wants me to be somebody, to do this, to change that, to improve this, to attend that, blablabla. Ironically, though we all admit that we are imperfect humans, some can't seem to see that i am human too. I'm not perfect. Striving to be, yes, but definitely not there yet.

The idea of the Pill is very very appealing to me. No more mistakes. No more goof-ups and wrong decisions. No more failures.

Man, who DOESN'T want that?

Nothing tastes better than genius.

However, in the end, I better stay away from this dangerous dream. And stick with coffee. Yes, gud ol' three-in-one is the safest bet.

They say it's a mild drug though. Dang.

MUET was........i dunno. Initially i thought it wasn't too bad. Now i think I didn't answer the essay question correctly.....let's not contemplate the reading and listening too eh?

I was supposed to get to my math as soon as i came back, but i think i was so overwhelmed with the amount of "england" that i watched a chinese movie (nt7)...then a Tamil (i kid you not) movie. Thank goodness the Tamil movie was already three quarters done, or i would have wasted more time.

Speaking....guess what? One of the examiner was actually my friend's MOM. =.= And i didn't know!!! And she knew!!! Horror upon horrors.................

I was actually LOOKING at her the whole time during the first part (presentation). She said i was good. I think she was just being nice.

I hope for the best, but i'm afraid i have to be realistic too. Sigh.

I wanna watch Limitless! and Source Code! and...The King's Speech! But i guess i won't be able to.

Just. TOO. Much. To. Do. Just. TOO. darn. lazy.

I shall try to tell u (soon, hopefully) the memorable moment of every f6 bio students life - skinning a rat.

Oops, no, that's what my fren did. I didn't do that. I just took out the entrails.

................................

that didn't help, did it?

Rat dissection report next. IF POSSIBLE. =_=

Stepping Westward

2011-04-05T18:05:00.002+08:00

While my Fellow-traveller and I were walking by the side of Loch Ketterine, one fine evening after sun-set, in our road to a Hut where in the course of our Tour we had been hospitably entertained some weeks before, we met, in one of the loneliest parts of that solitary region, two well-dressed Women, one of whom said to us, by way of greeting, 'What you are stepping westward?'

"What, you are stepping westward?" -- "Yea."
'Twould be a wildish destiny
If we who thus together roam
In a strange land and far from home,
Were in this place the guests of Chance :
Yet who would stop, or fear to advance,
Though home or shelter he had none,
With such a sky to lead him on ?

The dewy ground was dark and cold ;
Behind, all gloomy to behold ;
And stepping westward seemed to be
A kind of heavenly destiny :
I liked the greeting ; 'twas a sound
Of something without place or bound ;
And seemed to give me spiritual right
To travel through that region bright.

The voice was soft, and she who spake
Was walking by her native lake :
The salutation had to me
The very sound of courtesy :
Its power was felt ; and while my eye
Was fixed upon the glowing Sky,
The echo of the voice enwrought
A human sweetness with the thought
Of travelling through the world that lay
Before me in my endless way.

-William Wordsworth

Read this while waiting for my turn for MUET speaking test. Yea, we had quite a bit of time on our hands. Managed to rummage around the school library and find some interesting reads. Now i just need to find a way to borrow them without having to pay 5 ringgit for the card. Yes, RM5. How does that promote reading i have no idea. SBM was RM 0.50, I kid you not. In fact, becuz it was so cheap, my brother and I bought multiple cards...anyway.

Speaking was....||=.=I fumbled during the 2 min presentation. Group discussion wasn't too bad, but i felt i should've talked more.

I have a feeling I would really like Wordsworth. He has such a fitting name in the first place. And I like the way he picked up a simple line and turned it into something profound.

Other (very old) news: Dianne Wynne Jones passed away. Sigh. I love her books, though I never read them all. I like that they were nice and short, the kind that i can finish in a day.

Did you know that she studied under C.S Lewis and Tolkien????? O.o So cool.

Oh, funny stuff during MUET. The night before, I had this weird dream: i was sitting for the test, and the question was something like this (if my memory serves me correctly):

Explain why the scrugifluous membranic hypothermia is the most essential component for the griminological something something .... state your reasons according to the graph below.

The graph has a bunch of squiggly lines criss-crossing one another. I couldn't see what it was, but i knew it was COMPLICATED.

I had a panic attack. Then i woke up and after a minute i realised i haven't sat for the test, and there's no graphs in the test, and there's no such thing as "scrugifluous membranic hypothermia" anyway.

Well. At least my real speaking test wasn't as bad as that.

Battle of the bands

2011-03-31T19:11:00.002+08:00

MUET…man, I don’t know why I’m so obsessed about it. I think it’s because everyone expects me to do well. I want to do well myself….because I think, I hope, with a crazy, insane ferventness, that I can.

*taps fingers nervously*

I really, really want this badly. Not that it’ll define who I am (I know it won’t), but still…this is one triumph I want to taste. I’ve been having so many downs lately, I want this boost. But will it happen?

PLEASE don’t tell me that it will be a breeze; that will just stress me to death!

Other updates? hmm.....it has been quite a ride of late. I'm not sure where to begin. Suffice it to say that i am at a place where i'm clawing, fighting and struggling to be what i am suppose to be. I'm focusing on getting back in order, my life has been quite a whirlwind lately.

Right now though, I'm feeling rather smug. I'm so happy to be a Mewahan that i don't care if that sounds lame!

I saw you guys marching today....aw. i love the marching season. You are really awesome!

I heard some interesting stories at my f6 scul today...and i love my sbm prefects. *shhh...top secret*

I saw Cik Zalilah's FB status....and i laughed out loud during assembly today. ooohh...you dun wanna know why. *smirks*

And i saw that ridiculous, waste-of-money humongous letters spelling out SMK BM glinting in the sun (everyone at sbm would know it) and i just felt....that's my school- ridiculous, impractical, insane, imperfect but just so....right.

After all, it's the insane who dream the impossible. And we have achieved a fair share of the impossible.

Oh wow. What did i just write? WEIRD la me.

Great, now all the Paulians are going to stone me.

Failure! failure!

2011-02-26T19:24:00.004+08:00

"Failure! Failure!" cried David. "Every bar of my music cried, 'Failure'. It shrieked from the violins, blared from the trombones, thundered from the drums. It was written in all the faces -....What of my soul? False to its own music, its own mission, it's own dream. That is what I mean by failure, Vera.......oh how my music mocked me! And you, so fearless, so high above all that has come to pass, how you must despise me, despise me!"

~The Melting Pot, Israel Zangwill

(retold from the play by permission of The Macmillan Company)

Read this short story a long time ago. But the way he described failure...amazing. Everytime I fail in something, these lines start ringing in my ears.

BTW, this story is awesome too. If you can find it, read it.

Sigh.

canyons grand

2011-02-19T22:13:00.004+08:00

Take me somewhere far away

far away, where the nights are long

No it won't be a short stay

I want to hear the eagles call

Where the shinning stars fly like dust

the yawning void of darkness is there

Gone are the people I refuse to trust

no one to please, none to care

Just take me somewhere far away

I need no wisdom, I want no pain

Grief and anger be blown away

Nothing to lose, no more to gain

Just let me lie on the blood red sand

smell the breeze in the dusty air

There's naught left in me to stand

responsibility be hanged, duty be damned.

to the genius on his birthday

2011-02-04T10:54:00.000+08:00

I still remember the day you said you felt “horny”.

I don’t quite remember what you really wanted to say. I think you meant to say that you were inspired? Motivated? Well, “berahi” is a strong motivation. Yes indeed.

It was one of those moments that would go down in history. Oh the awkwardness, oh the humiliation!

Bwahahaha……

Happy birthday to our Resident Genius, Clement Kwan! =)

Thanks for being the conscience of our gang. Thanks for insisting on teaching those who want to copy your work instead of just handing them your book. Thanks for glaring and punching our friends hard when they exclaim an expletive.

Thanks for being supportive over the things we are passionate about. Thanks for bumming with us when we fail and for coaxing us back to life (we must’ve been a real pain sitting beside you).

Thanks for those random moments…shutting my book when I’m studying and calling US nerds when YOU are the one memorizing bio facts (speaking of bio…remember HER?). Thanks for the times we discussed episodes of Criminal Minds and other random, ridiculous topics. Oh and for the AWESOME essays!

Thanks for following your heart and choosing music as a career despite the raised eyebrows and cynical words.

Most of all, thanks for showing me the difference between geniuses and smart alecks. I’ve met a few smart alecks before and I really wish I can drag them to you so that you can give them a piece of your mind, Naruto-style.

Smart alecks are annoying, stuck-up and think that everything is a scientific equation. They may have brains, but they lack wisdom. Severely. They need a good kick in the pants.

Geniuses inspire.

There’s no need for further elaboration.

May you continue to be a blessing and inspiration, Resident Genius!

Can I help you?

2011-01-09T13:43:00.004+08:00

Sitting next to him made her nervous.

It didn’t matter that they were both on opposite ends of the bus stop. He has a wild, unkempt look that made her sit at the edge of the seat, alert and aware. She couldn’t help keeping both eyes subtly on him, watching and observing his slumped form. His clothes seemed of good-quality, but were washed out and soaked in rainwater, smeared by mud and torn – because of a brawl in the rain? Or because of a fall?

But it was his face that held her attention. It was etched with some strong emotion, could it be grief, fear, anger, even despair? It was impossible to single out a clear feeling. Perhaps it was a mixture of all of them, for there was agony in his eyes as he stared blankly into the rain. His jaw was clenched, and he looked from the dark sky to his empty hands as if praying for a miracle to fall into them.

She shook her head slightly. Her imagination was getting away from her. Whatever that was in his eyes must be from one drink too many. In everyone’s eyes, he is nothing but a drunken beggar. She smoothed the folds of her crisp, well-ironed black skirt and checked her watch. The rain continued to pour. She went back to her book, but her thoughts were on him. After a while she sighed to herself. Whatever he looked like, he was wet and miserable. That was undeniable. Would he get sick? Can he afford medicine? Would he be ok? She grimaced. You are not his mother! She chided. Mind your own business!

A car stopped in front of her, distracting her from her conflicting thoughts. She rose up as the window of the car rolled down. Out of the corner of her, she noticed the man shifting his gaze towards her.

“Thanks so much for your umbrella! Did you wait long? You wouldn’t believe how many of us at the office didn’t bring umbrellas.”

“No problem,” she smiled, groaning inwardly was she wondered whether the cheap umbrella survived more than half an hour of the pounding rain.

“See you Monday.”

The window rolled up and she raised a hand as it disappeared into the rain. She glanced down at her umbrella and winced when she saw at the cracked handle. Rolling her eyes, she turned back to gather her things and found the man with his face in his hands, a soft moan from his lips.

She stared at him.

Don’t bother…don’t talk to strangers…mind your own business…he’s up to no good…walk away! Her brain screamed at her the advice she heard her whole life.

You believe too much in people for your own good. Her mother’s words came sharply into her mind.

And yet…

Sensing her stare, he turned to look up at her. For one long moment, they stared at one another.

Then she took a breath and stepped forward.

He blinked.

She took another breath, held out her umbrella and asked him the question.

_______________________________________________________

Bright sunlight hit her face, waking her. She groaned and turned over. She hurt everywhere. She sat up on the bed and stretched. Ow! She thought to herself as she heard her bones protest. Her eyes widened at the mess strewn on the floor – her shoes flung far from each other, her work clothes lay crumpled in a corner. She put her hand up to her hair and moaned when she felt the hair pins she forgot to pull out. This was going to be a painful morning.

She hugged around her arms around her knees, stared at the window and remembered all that had happened. Tears fell as she saw the thin faces of his daughters, pinched and worn by hunger. Her heart ached when she remembered the look on his wife’s face. She couldn’t hold back her sobs when she realized how blessed she was.

She looked up again with a smile spreading across her face. Her feet were blistered by running around town the whole of yesterday, but it was worth every minute. The joy that came after made every minute of the tiring day precious.

He found a job, finally. The smile on their faces was the miracle that she knew he needed. His family didn’t need to wonder how and when the next meal would come anymore. He didn’t have to beg any longer. He didn’t have to feel worthless, a failure. The anguish that was in his eyes had disappeared.

She slid off the bed onto her knees, a prayer of thanksgiving in her heart. Thank You, Lord.

Thank You, for urging me to take the chance. For opening my mouth. For asking the question:

Can I help you?

~was thinking about the commonwealth essay competition...and also remembering a man's face i saw during christmas. This is rather predictable though. Hopefully it's not too long or tedious for you to read =)

it felt like a month.....

2011-01-07T23:21:00.002+08:00

but it was only a week.

and this is just the beginning.

potatoes and telmarines. =.=

Curtains

2010-12-31T18:32:00.003+08:00

It's curtains, baby.

Time to set a new stage.

Time to leave, but keep the memories,

Time to turn a new page.

Are you ready?

Hold my hand and breathe in.

Don't be afraid, don't worry;

the Sovereign One will lead us through again.

wrote the first paragraph at dna, just added in the rest today. Blessed New Year, everyone.

~blah~

2010-12-07T00:20:00.004+08:00

Was listening to taylor swift's new album and started scribbling this....this...thing. Edited it slightly, but it still doesn't sound right.

Just dumping it here to see whether you can do something about it, o great whoever-who-gets-inspired. Yes, I'm afraid that most of my posts here is me dumping my trashy rough scribblings on you. Hardly any of them are really edited properly. What would Pn. Poga say? sigh...

Well, here it is. Hopefully it's improve-able and not sh**y as previously commented by someone

(and hey i'm REALLY not mad at that someone, just perplexed that she never explained her comment. it's a shame, I'd have loved to know her reasoning.)

Two kids

The King is dead; long live the king!

We’re here to be royalty in fantasy

Two kids in a fairyland

Here to grow up and conquer.

There are ogres and giants

Bitter beasts, evil witches and demons.

Saddle your noble steed and grab your sword

We’ve a world to defend

Your crown is too big for you

But put it on, march ahead of your troops

I’m right here with you

Let us protect and govern and rule.

Laugh at fear and win with a song

Fantasy won’t bring us down

We learn best when we are in

our fairy world.

Two kids in this fairyland,

Here to grow up and conquer.

We’ll soon know how to live and overcome

the Real World.

End of an Era

2010-12-02T23:21:00.002+08:00

Don’t you ever wonder what
Will happen when it ends
How can we let go of the
Ones who we call friends
And I know, it’s only a story, but
For so many it’s more than that
It’s a world, all on its own where we
Want to put on the sorting hat

I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins
And though it’s no where I have been
I’ll keep on smiling from the times I had with them

Could there ever be again
Another one like this
One that’s brought us together and
Started its own music movement

Soon we will see it closed
The final chapter exposed
It’s an end of an era
And I’m seeing clearer
That nothing will ever be the same

a song by oliver boyd and the remembralls, yes this is a wrock (wizard rock) band. There's plenty of them around, and some of their lyrics are reli nice, thought some can be a bit...lame (go see my previous fb status-es to find out).

didn't you feel like this at the end oh harry potter? or at the end of something?

wanna see more wrock bands? this is quite a good site. http://realwizardrock.com

and this is what it is

2010-11-17T12:40:00.003+08:00

I've had it. I've tried and tried to write, but i can't, and i understand why now.

Of late I've been wondering how much i should post up here for the whole world to see. No, the CIA hasn't called me in or anything, neither has the Mafia, but I'm beginning to question how much of my private life i should make public; and how much of myself should i show. Not that I'm a mystery, mind you, but privacy is a precious thing; and sometimes some things should be kept to themselves.

More importantly is the fact that I'm not a good writer. I've been reading Alcott again, and now i understand the difference between "genius and talent", as she says. I won't deny that i may have talent, but genius i lack, and i can't write everything and anything brilliantly. I spent a trying time putting my thoughts together in written form to interest you, and I've come to the conclusion that my head is just not equipped for it. A genius could write anything well, and I'm not one. I can't write deep, philosophical stuff, and it's pointless to look like a fool when anyone else can do a better job than me.

It's rather a blow to my pride and hopes, for writing has always been a joy and i always thought that someday the pen would be my life, but it is a good lesson; and perhaps this was what i was supposed to be taught, aside from biology and mathematics. I can't be a genius; writing non-fiction doesn't suit me, so i won't be a Socrates or Plato. My stories aren't the "stuff of Shakespeare", or anywhere near Dickens and other literary heroes, so i lay my "pen of ambition" down forever.

I won't stop writing; i love it too much, and this blog won't die; for i love to hear your words of wisdom about me. But i won't go around trying to stuff my scribblings with bombastic words, neither would i try to post something about philosophy and deep thinking when I'd make a joke out of it. Simple stories suit me best, I make more sense of myself amongst fantasy and am comfortable there. If you learn something from it, so much the better, but i dare say it was your own deep thinking mind at work.

This is highly amusing and sad to me, for I've always prayed for a cure of my self-ambition and pride, and now I've got it. How can i be ambitious when i know I'm no good? It's a good step to humility, though it isn't pleasant, but by and by i suppose it will be.

This isn't the only lesson I've learnt this year, but I'm off to bury my head in mathematics, it'd be much more useful than crapping here. Another time perhaps. Sorry if this post sounds a bit hurried, but i guess i just like it all out of my system quickly, and well, i don't know what else to say; i'm feeling a bit embarrassed and stupid, actually.

All the best to SPM and STPM students! You'll get through all right, i know.

Rindu ke?

2010-11-04T22:15:00.001+08:00

Four days holiday…with minimum homework and no more exams. Yayness.

I guess I can really blog about myself now. I haven’t been doing that, sorry.

Yesterday, I did an assessment on my personality. My entire youth group has been going crazy over it; they all know whether they’re a choleric or sanguine and all that. I didn’t take the test then, so I had no idea what my personality is. I know now though. JCG people who read my blog would be so darn excited. Though I believe they’ve guessed my personality right.

I’m a combination- melancholic and phlegmatic.

Oh wow, I’m a depressed, moody, sensitive nut! I can go be part of the Twilight circus now. (Carolyn-care to join me? LOL)

Why am I telling you this? Good question. But this is to show you the potent power of peer pressure. The youth group has been going on about it for months, and I never found it that big a fuss (that’s the phlegmatic attitude for you). And today, I finally got up and took the trouble to do it because everyone has done it. Well, if they all decide to jump off the cliff someday, I suppose I would move my phlegmatic butt months later to do the same (and is this the pessimist part?).

An educational experience though. I think I enjoyed knowing it. I wonder what happens in the future-would my personality change again? Only time would tell.

About lower six life. I’ve been writing bits and pieces of it when I was free. I suppose, the only way to actually put it all together for myself is to promise you that I’ll post it here. Phlegmatic-ness. You must understand…ha-ha. Ok, I can’t use that lame excuse. I don’t want to be a lazy bum, so I’ll make sure my brains continue to work by combining and summarizing all I’ve written.

I hope I don’t procrastinate, that is both the melancholic and phlegmatic weakness (I’m pushing this too far, no?).

BTW, I really like to thank all of you who have commented on my work here. There’s a reason why I post them up – it is to know what you think about it, how you reacted to it. How did it make you feel? So I love it when you reply. I’ll admit this to you – sometimes I’ve no idea what I’m writing. By you sharing your thoughts, I look at it again in a new light, and I enjoy learning from you. I’d appreciate it more when you tell me why you thought that way. Especially if you hate it – because that means I need improvement. I think I show greater enthusiasm when you disagree, for you will give me a completely different perspective.

Go ahead, love me or hate me. I will be your student.

Happy Deepavali to all who celebrate it…and who doesn’t celebrate the festival of lights? We all need the one true Light of the World.

Shoutout to Priya- I miss your lightsaber!!! Come back soon? And how’s Henry? Or Darcy? =) Also to my adopted salmon mother- the filial adopted daughter (who used to be a salmon too, for the wrong reasons) awaits. I miss you too.

Adieu…

The Failure

2010-10-03T18:43:00.002+08:00

There was a still silence as it was dragged in, its hair bedraggled, its face haggard from the lack of sleep. Everyone stared at it accusingly, but with a smile on their faces.

“You are here, my dear one, because you have failed,” the Judge spoke gently, as if to a wayward child, but his smile was thin and hard. “You are here, because you have not done enough. Do you not think so?”

“But-but-..” it whispered.

“Silence,” he smiled at it again, but there was now a slight narrowing of his eyes. “I see that you do not agree. Very well,” he turned to the crowd. “You may speak against it.”

A woman stood up. Her clothes were immaculately clean and well-pressed, her hair neat and in order. Everything about her showed Perfection.

“The condemned,” she spoke gently. “It has not been what it should be. It has not been doing what is expected of it. It is expected to listen to me, to do as I ask, and it has not. It is not Perfect.” She sat down again smoothly.

“Indeed, it is as you have said.” exclaimed another man, who was as Perfect as Perfection. “Excuse my interruption, my honour, but it has not met up to what I’ve come to expect it to be. It is not what I desire it to be. It has not been in absolute Perfection. It has not lived up to the demands of our nation. I’m afraid it has committed treason.”

“So I see.” The Judge nodded calmly. “It has truly gone out of line. Nevertheless, we will hear more.” He nodded once more.

“It has not done what has been required of it.” Yet another lady said as she stood. “We are who we are, for we do what we should do. It has not done so. It has failed in its responsibilities that I’ve given it. It has not been a success. It has not been what it has been desired to be. My requirement is to speak of it this way – it is not part of our Perfection.”

The Judge nodded again, and many nodded along with him, their heads in perfect unison. They turned to the pathetic creature again.

“You have failed. You have been expected of things, and you have not fulfilled them. You have broken the law-you have not done what is required of you. You have not been what we are. You are therefore, a traitor. You are not Perfect.” The Judge announced with solemn dignity.

“You have now two choices- be Perfect, or cease to be.”

“That is your sentence. That is what is required of you. Decide, and fulfill your requirement. With this, you shall prove to be Perfect.”

It gave a low cry, and stood.

“What is it that you want from ME? I gave you the best I have. You-you-you-” it pointed an arm out at those who had spoken, their perfect faces flinched and glared, “You all want something from me. You all want me to be someone else, to be Perfect. Can’t I be myself? Can’t I be given the chance to be who I am?”

The people stared in shock. The silence was deafening, accusing. No one knew what to say. No one, except it.

“I am falsely accused! You who sit there, absolute Perfection, are nothing more but a clone! You are nothing, you are only what is required of you. You are not yourself. What about the expectations you have towards yourself? Have you fulfilled that? I can see you haven’t! You are Failures too then, for you have failed yourself. Selfish, selfish ones! You only want your expectations to be met. What of my expectations? What of my requirements towards you?”

“You are in no position to speak of your expectations, Failure,” spat the Judge, his face an angry mask, exactly like the sea of faces surrounding the condemned. “We have our requirements to fulfill, and we have done so perfectly. YOU have failed. Your expectations do not matter.”

“Oh, and will it matter?” laughed the Failure hysterically. “It will never matter, even if I become Perfect. Hypocrites, that’s what you are. You expect of others, but you are not perfect yourselves. You sit here, staring at me as if I’m an alien, but I tell you, WE-ARE-THE-SAME. That frightens you, doesn’t it?” it laughed again, then groaned as a stone grazed its ear.

“You FAILURE! There are many more of these vermin around!” screamed the man who threw it from the crowd, his face twisted into a monster’s. “There are Failures, Failures everywhere! This liar is one of them! How dare it speak against us! How dare it judge us, it who has Failed! We must fulfill our requirements, to ensure that we have no Failures, like this worm!”

“Tell me, my fellow Failure,” it said coldly. “My people whom were once like you, before your ‘requirements’ were to rule us, who stood here as I have, did they not expect something from YOU? Have you met that requirement? It is only because of your new Laws, that you can stand there and judge me. Your Laws are a lie to yourselves. The requirement that you have set for yourselves are only to oppress. You have failed OUR requirements. You have not met OUR desires. We desire nothing, nothing but to be ourselves. Why should we live in your cold ‘Perfection’? You have robbed it of what it should be, Failure.”

The crowd howled at it in rage and fury, the noise breaking like a tidal wave. Their faces turned into the dark, their perfect features marred by their anger. They screamed at it, shook their fists at it. The hate on their face was clear for all to see. They rushed forward and struck it. They clamored over it as hungry dogs over a dry bone. And as they attacked it, it seemed though their faces were as haggard as its eyes, their hair and eyes as wild as it was. There seemed to be no difference.

They finally drew back from the condemned, their faces slowly returning to their normal Perfection, composed, triumphant.

The Judge rose from his seat. He looked at the still, bloody mess before him. Then he spoke, perfectly.

“The Failure has been condemned. It shall be heard of no more. It has never existed, it has never lived. Our Perfection remains.”

But they did not know that it, the Failure, lives on, in every one of their faces. Their Perfection had been taken away, by their on hand.

…honestly, I do not know what I mean here. Go figure. Then let me know. =)

The dancing lady

2010-08-21T23:48:00.002+08:00

Dance, lady

Dance your sorrows away

Smile and laugh

Leap and twirl

No one shall know your pain.

Dance, lady

Let the tear fall

from your pretty face

down your ruby lips

Taste the salt and smile.

Dance, lady

Let the swishing skirts

the ringing bells

Hide the breaking heart

No one shall know your pain.

Dance, lady. Dance.

(Note: this was spontaneously done...born from an observation and penned by a desire to ...comfort) As usual, no copy and paste. =)

Sweet! Sweet!

2010-07-23T23:02:00.009+08:00

Yeah, it’s been awhile.

The makings of a perfect weekend have just begun. First off, I finally got to play around in the kitchen. I made jam-Mulberry jam. What berry?

This:

Yes, we grow that in our garden. In fact, it’s the only plant that’s really thriving in our place; which is rather ironic because it’s not a local plant. What, we kill out starfruits but the mulberries survive?? Strange world.

Anyway, the tradition is, Arnan plants and trims the mulberry plants, I pick the berries and make the jam. The last time I made jam, it ended up in a very very sweet syrup, due to the lack of pectin. According to a recipe I found on the internet, we don’t need pectin, but somehow it just didn’t work out. Why didn’t I use pectin last time? Because we couldn’t find any. No one here seems to sell it. And we were having boxes upon boxes of mulberries in our fridge so….well we had to do something before they all grow rotten.

But this time, I have pectin thanks to Uncle Chin Keong who came back from Canada. So everything was just so much easier.

First, I had to defrost the berries (cause we have been stocking them up in the freezer)

Then, grind (well, I blended la). It ended up looking like human liver mushed up, all blood-red and well, mushy. Modern cannibalism, anyone?

For cannibal babies: cooked missionary!(a twist on a joke I heard…please, no offense!)

Making jam requires lot of sugar (seven cups!!)…I mean, patience. You need to stir, and stir, and stir, and…stir some more.

Rolling boil, this. Hot sangat…….*sweats*

The end product looked like blood……..uh oh. Vampire season here….not a good time to talk about blood. =P

The whole jam making was based on guess work, so hopefully I guessed right. There was one part of the instruction that rather baffled me, which was to seal the bottles with paraffin wax. I suppose it’s to keep air out, but where do I get paraffin wax?? Should I use masking tape? My mom pooh-ed the idea. “Your uncle didn’t do anything of a sort.” And apparently, Canadians are always right. *shrugs* Managed to make......er,four to five jars. I forgot.

Have to wait for a few days to let the jam set, so I’d only know whether I did it right later on. Hopefully…..=)

The best part: Licking the pot.

Yes, the WHOLE pot.O.o Went on a slight sugar high after that. I tend to go a bit wild when I have too much sugar. No, I’m not hyperactive…but my thoughts go a bit crazy. Which is probably helpful as I need to produce a script out from nothing (sigh) in two days.

Mulberry jam is the best thing ever! It makes me feel so…up! So gleeful. Wheeeeeeeee! And with a splash of peculiar. A splash? Nevermind.

If I were Prime Minister, I’d issue a decree that every household must have a jar of mulberry jam. It’d increase productivity and satisfaction, I tell you.

So sorry that I can’t give you all some…but the mulberry plants outside are blooming like crazy again…and I have loads of pectin now, so I think another jam making session will be coming soon. Anyone wants to join me? =)

Oh, the rest of the lovely weekend is this: probably going to watch Inception with my S’ban friends tomorrow morning, going to SJ for family dinner at night, and maybe on Sunday meet up with d’na folk. At the moment, all this is rather tentative (‘cept the dinner), but so what? It’s good to be optimistic (wow, this jam is really having an effect on me). Friends, family, jam…mmmm…what more could one ask for? A…book? Hey, I have a new book to read too. Haha.. Writing that script would probably be rather enjoyable too. Yum.

Thank God for fantastic weekends. And mulberry jam, of course.

RIP shoes...this is real random.

2010-06-13T13:00:00.003+08:00

My shoes are officially...busted. The strap broke at church today.

As you can see, i keep my shoes for a very very very very very long time...notice the uh, peeling of the soles. But i liked them lots cuz they weren't slippery, which is a very good thing for a clutz like me as i can fall down on an even floor. Also, i have such a difficult time finding shoes that i like, so i tend to keep them longer. I don't just pick the latest fashion and all that. It has to fulfill all sorts of criteria. Ask my family and they'd tell you how many shops it'd take to find me a proper shoe.

I think i kept them for what, three years? Not bad for an RM10.00 pasar malam quality shoe. Rather good bargain actually. Though of course most ppl don't wear their shoes for this long.

I'd miss it..i don't think they sell this style anymore..ha.

Randomness abounds. Sorry. Back to homework.

Oh, and i prefer my old blogskin. Unfortunately, i can't change it back. Some updating on Blogger and such. ah well. this isn't too bad.

this isn't my fault!!

2010-06-12T12:41:00.002+08:00

Frustrating is the word.

Right now, I have three stories and of course, the blog posts you have been waiting for bouncing in my head. Yes, bouncing. For the past three weeks, they have been pestering me. “Write me! Write me!” and all that. And I can’t can’t can’t CAN’T write any of them because………..

PENGAJIAN AM ASSIGNMENT.

I hate you….*snarls*

Ok, no, I don’t. But I just turn the “evil eye” on anything that stops me writing. Which would include Maths, Chemistry and tuition homework.

Or maybe I should turn the “evil eye” at myself. Because I’m the one making myself sit down and do homework right?

But what do you expect me to do, NOT do my homework?

*pauses to contemplate*

Impossible. Ah, sweet discipline. Aren’t you all so PROUD of me? Ugh.

And so the stories continue to bounce. ARGH. And the “evil eye” continues to glare at every annoying thing in sight.

Maybe I should just give up, and my PA teacher would be oh so glad to know that he’s right about me. Oh you don’t know about that? You don’t want to know.

Ah, back to my assignment.

d'NA re-u ..tomorrow! =)…ah no….can’t do homework then…three days gone! Haih…I’m DOOMED.

*evil eye-s the computer screen* *sighs and types*

Keganasan antarabangsa merupakan penggunaan cara zalim Hannah Koh untuk memusnahkan projek Pengajian Am yang perlu dihantarkan selepas cuti sekolah.

My BM sucks. Er…for those who are guessing…my topic for my assignment is terrorism. Yep. Ironic, considering my birthday is well, very terrorist-like. Ha.

Yes, I am going to do my assignment NOW. Fare thee well….

*sniffs*

Do you realize, that I can’t READ either?? AUGH. ><

Ok, ok, I’m really going now….

*Slowly steps out of cyberspace (gosh, I’m so melodramatic)*

haiz haih haih

2010-05-30T22:04:00.001+08:00

hey. i can't write. yet.

just busy now...suddenly so many things cropped up! Though i suppose you're wndering why i still hv time to go online...haha.

this is more of a shoutout to gabrielle..........never saw a comment that was one sentence yet with wat...6 lines????

haha

c ya.

busy

2010-05-27T18:08:00.002+08:00

so sorry i can't write abt the NZ trip. I'm sure most of you are wondering what happened and aren't too happy with my extremely "satisfactory" replies of ok, fine or great.

hopefully i can type something out this weekend but currently i've got a lot (i think...a hundred plus) of math questions overdue, and i got pengajian am work, and i want to rewrite my chem and PA notes cuz they're so awful. And i want to study and catch up with what i've missed during the trip because i feel very very stupid now.

I'm really really sorry.

F6 is ok, getting used to it, but still a struggle. Write more later.

Haih. Got to go. How's everyone else?

little girl's dream, big girl's choice..

2010-05-06T20:45:00.003+08:00

Wanted to write the way i felt about things...but it was somehow difficult. So I did the way i knew best-story form. It's a bit messy and..strange, and maybe a bit emotional, but i think it serves the purpose. i think.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. This little girl dreamt dreams, read books, looked at the world around her and thought a very big-girl thought:

“The world seems to be a very sad place. I wish I can change it.”

One Sunday, her teacher taught her about the twelve Disciples, great men who served the King. The teacher told her that these men were all very ordinary people, just like her.

“And do you know what they did?” the teacher asked. When no answer came, he took a miniature globe and turned it upside down. “That’s what they did.”

The little girl’s eyes bulged. “They really did that?”

“Yes, and you can too; if you believe and trust in the King.”

The little girl thought of nothing but that, dreamt of nothing but that, and holding the globe that the teacher gave her, decided that she would do such a thing. When she grew up, she would change the world.

Year after year, she slowly grew stronger and wiser. She learned many lessons, and made many mistakes. She learned that in order to change the world, she must first change herself for the better. So everyday she worked her hardest to be a better person. She learned that to change the world, she must first bring change to the people and places closest to her. She made friends, and met people who helped her grow. She fought of her inner demons, and strived to be all that the King wanted her to be. She succeeded, she failed, she tried again, and kept going. It was difficult, and it was a struggle, but everyday she knew that she was closer to changing the world.

No longer a little girl now, the big girl turned and looked behind at all she had done. Then she turned at looked ahead at all that was still before her. She smiled as she pictured herself going across the seas, helping various unknowns, becoming great and doing great things for her King. She saw herself so clearly as one who would change the world with the talents she had honed. She couldn’t wait to change the world.

But then an evil hag came out and showed her the old globe given to her by the teacher so long ago. “Look at it!” it cackled. The girl looked, and saw that the world was worse than before. She saw that it had become a darker, sadder place. She saw countries torn apart by strife, governments ruled by corrupt men, children dying from diseases. She saw how big and horrible the world was, and though she was a big girl, she felt small and afraid. The darkness of the world laughed at her.

“You’re just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world”

The girl was so unhappy that all she had worked for would be in vain. She sat down and cried bitterly. “How could this happen?” She whispered to the heavens.

“The world’s so big; it could break your heart.
And you just want to help, but not sure where to start.
So you close your eyes and send up a prayer into the dark.”

Then suddenly the King came and comforted her. “All you’ve done in My name, you’ve done well indeed. I’ve seen you grow, I’ve seen you change, and I am proud of you. But I want you to stay here, and not go across the seas, not yet.”

“Is it because I’m not good enough?” The girl asked fearfully.

“Not at all,” the King smiled. “It’s because you will be better here.”

“What then am I supposed to do?” she asked after a pause.

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

The girl thought about her friends and mentors. She thought about how she loved the people who taught her, who build her up to do the great things she had wanted to do. She thought about her old teacher, who planted the seed of inspiration in her. And then she thought, “How much these teachers are needed! How few are there around, who can really build up little girls to become big girls to do great things for the King.”

“But I’d have to give up so much! I can no longer achieve the dreams I dreamed, or do the great things I wanted to do. I can no longer go out and change the world. I have to stay and be…ordinary.”

“And yet, is this ordinary? Building, training young minds to do all the great things that they want to do? Is raising up the next generation of big boys and girls an ordinary thing?”

The girl sat, and thought some more. Then she smiled as tears fell from her face, for she was sad yet happy at the same time.

“So that’s what it is, no? I stay here, and become the one who helps the little people become the big people who change the world. I stay?”

She wiped her eyes and turned questioningly to the King, but He was gone. In His place sat a little boy, crying as if his heart was broken.

“Little boy, why do you cry?”

“Because…I c-can’t do my n-numberrrs….”

The big girl smiled. “I think I can teach you that.”

And so the girl stayed. The road may be harder and darker for her now, and it was an unknown path that she never thought she would take, but take it she would, and she could only hope that she ‘tried to do right’.”

“Oh the smallest thing can make all the difference.
Love is alive, don’t listen to ‘em when they say
You’re just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world.”

Indecisive, or cautious?

2010-04-28T23:30:00.006+08:00

I’ve realized that I’m indecisive.

Take this as an example: I was invited out for an outing with my friends today. Most people would have given a “yes” or a “no” quite immediately. I took the whole day. Why?

My first reaction was a no, for reasons that you’d soon see below. However, I changed my mind around 10p.m. So I asked around and soon transportation wasn’t a problem. So I considered it for a bit longer, and decided I would go. Now, I turned to my parents for permission.

For those who don’t understand how my mind works (which makes all of you), I only ask for parental approval AFTER I’ve approved of it myself. For me, I feel that if I don’t want it, why ask? However, this form of decision making isn’t that effective because if my parents should disapprove, I’d be disappointed simply as I’ve already decided on going. And most of the time their immediate reaction to my disappointment is annoyance as they feel that I simply want my way. Which is true of course, but … not quite so true either as I’d felt that I’ve made a careful decision. It’s complicated.

Anyway, my parents were reluctant to approve. Scratch that. They disapproved. Scratch that again. It wasn’t parents, it was parent- my mom. My dad doesn’t really mind. But they disapprove everything the first time they hear it so…well. But in the end she approved, only because my face would be “a mile long” the next day if they didn’t. Which led me to feel annoyed because I’m not that petty. Which then led me to want to not go to prove to her that I can go around without that “a mile long” face. Which then led me to think who am I really thinking of when I make these decisions-myself? My friends? My family?

And thus here I am, at around 1 in the morning, trying to decide on whether I should go on a simple outing with friends. I made a list on why I should go for the outing:

1. It’s been awhile since I’ve been with my friends, and it’s going to be increasingly more difficult to get together next time.
2. This is different from the normal activities that I’m usually tied to (help mom, go PBS, go online, cook, sleep). I’m getting a bit tired of the mediocrity.
3. It is getting noisy in the house. I’m beginning to lose it.
4. Unlike the normal outings, we’re not going to watch a movie or such. So, not much money is going to be spent/wasted.
5. I can have the rare opportunity to buy books from MPH, and also a few gifts for birthdays that are coming. Ooh, and Mother’s day is coming up isn’t it?
6. I’m not doing the things that I want to do, so there’s really no point in staying at home saying that I would do them when I don’t. I might just be so panicky/inspired when I come back that I may actually start doing them.
7. I already have parental approval (albeit reluctantly).

To be fair, I did another list on why I shouldn’t go:

1. It actually has not been awhile since I’ve seen my friends. I saw quite a number of them during gala, and the last time we had the usual movie outing was in March. And it isn’t impossible to get together sometime in September or December or something.
2. Although it is a break from the norm, it may still be a waste of time as compared to helping mom, going PBS, going online, cook and sleep.
3. It is noisy in the house. I should try to help mom tolerate it.
4. We’re going to go Jusco, so either way money is going to be spent/wasted.
5. Buy books? When I don’t even have an allowance? Am I crazy? (ok, that was a rhetorical question)
6. I’m not doing the things that I want to do, which is EXACTLY why I should stay home and get them done, instead of blowing away another day!
7. The obtained parental approval was RELUCTANT.

It is during these frustrating hours that I just wish I didn’t join the debate team. I’m rebutting myself!

“Ok, close your eyes and pretend your parents and friends don’t exist. Which would you choose? Go or don’t go?”
“I can’t do that! My friends do exist! My parents do exist! I can’t just wipe them off! Besides, my FRIENDS invited me.”

“Fine, what would Jesus do?”

“….I don’t think He had such a petty dilemma.”

Yes, I need to get a life.

Finally, I decided to not go based on these points: “Must I go for everything my friends invite me to?” and “I do have things that I want done, even if I don’t get them done, at least I’ve once again, pathetically tried to get them done.” So I sent the host of the event an apology note to say I won’t be coming.

Then, I found that since this was such a frustrating situation, it would be somehow fun for me to post this for your entertainment.

But now, after writing this whole thing out, I’ve changed my mind yet again, based on these points: “I don’t go for everything my friends invite me to, just those that I find sensible (well, ok, not exactly sensible..we’re not the sensible type) and convenient (transport provided, no fuss involved, etc.) and “They’re friends! I helping in the chores everyday, I don’t think I should feel guilty when I take a day off to let loose” and “Again, I’m not getting what I want done anyway”. More importantly, I’ve just realized-Mothers’ Day IS next week.

Hence, the motion that this house believes that Hannah should go for her friends’ outing tomorrow is approved.

Observe, that this was just a simple decision. Now, think about the times I had to decide whether to do arts or science stream, or signing up to be a prefect (as I recall, I took a year to decide since the offer at Form 1), or deciding to go into education. Don’t you think I make life difficult for myself?

I admit, I think too much. Unfortunately, I think about the petty things more that what’s really important. But I would ponder on this some other time. Now, I need to sleep. And message the organizer once AGAIN to tell him I’m going.

Later the next morning, I decided not to go for the picnic, BUT to join them at jusco after helping out at PBS. Which pleased my mom, my friends and myself (I went on a shopping spree for books! ^^). So perhaps, this isn’t being fickle-minded, but being extremely careful and thoughtful?

Yeah right. I kid myself.

Anyway, you now have a long post about my funny life, instead of stories eh? Enjoy. I think.

Perfect Strangers

2010-04-14T15:23:00.003+08:00

I charged up the stairs as the noise above told me what I already knew: I was late. Chagrin swept over me-didn’t I commit myself to be earlier for this?

I reached the meeting area, and scanned the room for an empty seat. Everyone was on their feet-the games had started. I continued surveying the room, trying to find an avenue to blend in.

That’s when I saw you.

It was only for a second before the sea of other faces swallowed up your face again, but it inexplicably attracted my instant attention. I knew I was going to be rudely staring at you for the rest of the day. And I was right. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. All throughout the meeting, and even when we headed down for refreshments later, I stole as many glances as I could, examining your face, observing and analyzing your every reaction.

Who are you? I thought to myself. I was embarrassed and ashamed. This would be the third time something like this has happened. I’m beginning to be such an immature girl, with selfish thoughts and ridiculous hopes. However at the same time I was hopelessly curious about this new being that caught my attention so effortlessly. What draws me to you? Is it your smile? Your laugh? The way you fill up the room and make conversations with strangers with absolute ease? At any rate, you have succeeded in intriguing me with your personality. More importantly, I am filled with the overwhelming presumption that I should know you. That I have met you somewhere, talked to you before. You are unbearably familiar. Why?

I smile to myself as I recall the other times when I was hopelessly caught up with perfect strangers just like you. Strangers, who for some reason, catch my eye before I even know their name. I hear you introduce yourself to other enthusiastic girls, who unlike me, know how to deal with a catch when they see one. But in my eyes you are not just a catch. This is more than just teenage hormones. At least I think so. I don’t think the other young girls feel the same pull I have for you. This more of feeling...like you are a kindred spirit, like there's something only both of us would understand.

Samuel, you reply. That’s a nice strong name. But it eliminates any notion that I’ve met you before. Then again, people change, right? So Samuel what? What’s your name? Who are you, really?

Then I think to myself, shouldn’t I ask? Why not? I’ve been staring like a stalker at you for the past two hours, have you noticed me yet? Have you realized what a freak I am? Or are you completely oblivious at how you have transformed the entire afternoon for me? I don’t blame you. Compared to the other people you’ve met, I’m certain I’m just plain...well, plain to you. And yet, still, I plot in my mind. Maybe I could just step in line with the rest of the other hopeful girls, wait for my turn to introduce myself. Maybe I’ll ask for a phone number I would never call, an email address that I would never use. But that wouldn’t be right. I wanted more than just an introduction; I wanted a conversation with you. I wanted to know everything about you. Sadly, I don’t have the guts. I’m less than these other hopefuls around me, because immature as they are, at least the have the courage to step up and face you, be it for the wrong motives. I, however, am a pathetic coward.

So I sit, and I plan without action, and stare, wishing you would stare back, dreading that you would. I sit and wonder what you’re thinking, when your friend slaps your back, when this girl giggles at her good fortune of being right in front of you. I sit and watch, taking as much of you in as I can.

All too soon, it is time for you to go. I step outside, away from the noise, trying to rearrange my incoherent thoughts. And suddenly, you’re here right next to me, talking to your friend, asking which car you’re going back in. Here you are, giving me one last chance to know your name, and more perhaps.

My one last chance to do something, to act towards this instinct that I have for you, to change this ending that is so similar to the few that I’ve had.

I reach out my hand, and stretch it slowly, slowly towards you. I pause, and take in a breath.

And then I let you go. You turn away, leaving a gust of breeze in your wake.

I follow you with my eyes as you drive away, disappearing out of my life forever. I smile to myself sadly.

Many girls have told me about their numerous occasions of being attracted to random, so called “hot” (what a teenage word!) boys. I, on the other hand, have only had this twice so far in my life. Whether it is a blessing or a curse, I do not know. All I know is, it is better for me and for you to let it go. To let you go. Because, for some reason, I know I’m not ready. Not ready for you, or for anyone else just yet. It would be terribly selfish of me to hurt you just to get instant gratification. It would be wrong for me to act on a whim and so have the risk of letting you down, and hating myself in the process.

I could easily convince myself that all I want is to know you, but I know how little control and prudence I would have as time goes by, as my romantic imaginations get the better of me. No, it is better this way, to have a clean slate, to not complicate things, to avoid playing with temptation. Is it me being ridiculous and rejecting love at first sight? I don’t think so. Firstly because I don’t think this is love at all, and secondly what I want most is to keep people I care about (whether I know them or not) safe. And where this would head is definitely not safe. Is it my conscience? I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that it’s me being wise. That I’d not regret this decision. And I don’t think I do.

Still, this would be one of those big what-ifs I have in my life. But, because I care about you, would I have it any other way?

You are a perfect stranger. I think it's best to leave it that way.

Hear my song

2010-04-11T14:10:00.004+08:00

i play my song
my simple song
for the world to hear

it's not a symphony
it's just a simple melody
for the world to hear

but can you hear me
can you hear me play?
do you believe me
and this song i play?

this is the song of my heart
my desire
just to lay my life
on the alter
to bring Him praise
to lift up His name
so the world may hear
of Him alone

i wish i can play
a better song
for the world to hear

i wish i can play
a perfect song
for the world to hear

but all my mistakes
create something beautiful
can you hear me play
my simple song?

this is the song of my heart
my desire
just to lay my life
on the alter
to bring Him praise
to lift up His name
so the world may hear
of Him alone

Can you hear me play?
can you hear my song?
the simple song i've been given
by the Maker of all?

this is the song of my heart
my desire
just to lay my life
on the alter
to bring Him praise
to lift up His name
so the world may hear
of Him alone

I just want the world
to hear
the song Jesus gave me.

-let me be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear, Lord..-

Uh oh.

2010-04-06T14:44:00.000+08:00

My JPA interview's tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect.

And my blog is getting a bit crappy i think. I'm blogging this post on Tuesday, April 6th, but it shows a different date.

does anyone know how to fix that?

Holy Guitars...

2010-04-05T00:02:00.000+08:00

Decided to check out urbandictionary.com for no reason and saw this:

air guitar:

An ancient art that originated after God wanted to rock out but had no electric guitar on hand. He realised how sweet a thing he had just created so he wanted to pass it down onto man when man had no axe to rock with. This talent was given to man, by God, through Jesus. Jesus showed the world the ineffable art of air guitar during his ressurection. Jesus was radiating with a bright white light because he was rocking so hard.

The art of the air guitar was thus written down in the Bible and succesfully passed on to man. The practice of air guitar since it's inception has been shown throughout the history of the world. Jesus is discretely air guitaring in the famous painting The Last Supper in the Galleria Borghese, Rome.

On and on has this holy tradition gone. It is kept alive by generations of rockers young and old. If you are listening to a really sweet guitar solo and you have no real guitar to emulate the action of rocking, pick up your hands, put them in position, and rock and roll all night.

Remember...rock on.

Adam was listening to Communication Breakdown by Led Zeppelin and it was nearing the kickass guitar solo. But he had no guitar. So he took matters into his own hands. He played air guitar and never stopped rocking.

What the-? XD

And this one's interesting too...

WWJT:

What Would Jesus Text

Text Messaging Etiquette - Do not pass text messages that ruin other people's reputation. Stop and think " WWJT"

~Now that's nice. WWJT indeed. One wonders...

V for Vendetta's followers

2010-04-01T18:43:00.000+08:00

Ok, actually it's just one follower la.

Went to watch V's speech to Evey, since a friends asked me to. Which is this, for those who don't know what I'm talking about.

So below that video was this comment:
SolidSnakeRules: Perfect! Powerful Protagonists' Pontification Pertaining to Peacebringing shall be Preserved Permanently Posthaste. People lack Patience; Pioneers Possess this Predisposition Particularly. If I may Peruse and Perhaps Partake in Participation Personally, I Propose Poison as Proper Procedure for Penalizing and Punishing the Perpetrators of Perfunctory Propaganda Portraying a Pathetic Personification of Power Plaguing our once Prolific and Prosperous Population. I am P, and Playtime has Passed.

So ingenious! So fun to read stuff like that.

No, I'm not going to start writing like that. I will not embarrass myself.

Back to applications...I guess.

Oh and for those who don't know, I'm not at NS typing this. I got exempted. Yup, the shorn sheep is still around. ><

Good day, all.

phoeey

2010-03-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

Random announcement 1:

Just had an on-the-phone conversation with a friend of mine..apparently he thought I was applying for law.

Law. Me. Plearrrrrrghh.

Since when did LAW and me ever work??

Oh and he thinks I complicate things. For example, when I assure him that he's not dumb, I'd go:

"You are nowhere near dumb. Your character is anything but dumb. You can never be linked or described with the word dumb or any of its synonyms."

Something along those lines la. But that's complicated meh? I'm just defending my statement. And trying to make conversation. It's better than saying "You're not dumb!" a bazillion times anyway. I wonder why smart people around me tell me that they're dumb. It makes me feel stupid ok! If you who are a genius think you're dumb, what does that make me? Super Dumb? Pish.

Random announcement 2:

I passed my driving. Hah. Who knew.

To all who prayed for me, thanks a lot. You have no idea how much I needed it (then again maybe you do).

So I officially have a licence to kill. Heh.

Random announcement 3:

American Idol isn't so fun anymore. There's no fantastic magic like David Arch and Cook or Kris or even Adam. I'm not watching it with as much devotion as before...which makes me feel guilty. Guilty, because I was once a fan, and guilty that I had so much devotion in the first place.

Ah, what the heck. I'd probably still watch.

Now, to those who still think I'm doing law or journalism or politics or marine biology or plastic surgery or sanitary engineering, i should tell you this:

Not happening la. I'm applying for courses with teaching in mind.

Next major event: NS!!

Yeah, I decided to go after all. Whoopee.

I've been deployed to Hutan Rekreasi Ayer Keroh, Melaka.

So I'll be disappearing soon. Do pray that I'll do alright.

Oh and I need to cut my hair. Should I chop it all off ala primary school?

Apparently, I look like a lawyer like that.

Oh, bla-ha-ha as Grover would say (Percy Jackson and the Olympians).

Cheerio.

Oh and if you're wondering what's sanitary engineering, according to my genius friend who thinks he's dumb ( or at least that's what i deduced), it simply means that you're a rubbish collector. Cool, no?

Passing Time

2010-03-16T18:02:00.000+08:00

Reading is fun.

Ok, so you know that I know that. No wait, you know that for me that's an understatement.

I meant, reading with a dictionary on one side and my f5 vocab book (yes i still keep that book) with a pen on the other is a lot more..... satisfying? Edifying? Whatever. It's colossal fun.

Yes I'm insane. Don't look at me like that. I know.

but...seriously..try it.

brain damage alert!

2010-03-13T16:37:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I was writing a bit and i realized I couldn't spell unbelievable. I did spell it right but...I wasn't confident.

Then i forgot how to spell bizarre. AHHH!!!

I need to read the dictionary again. And write more. Going back to study soon so must get brain back into shape.

Suddenly I feel unworthy of my results...how can i forget how to spell simple English words???

And my BM is so hot either. Uh oh.

....i think i need to study la...or look through.

beyond.....

2010-03-11T17:20:00.000+08:00

Beyond expectations.

Beyond boundaries.

Simply unbelievable.

Thank God....that really just can't cover it. I'm amazed at His grace.

...living a dream...

The Match

2010-02-24T14:44:00.000+08:00

It was the peak of summer. The heat was oppressive, as if you were swallowing hot water with every breath. The sun threw its bright, hot rays down to the earth mercilessly. There wasn't a single whisper of breeze to bring relief from the scorching heat.

The forest was dry and a tense silence was in the air. The trees stood straight and rigid. Not a single leaf fluttered. Not a single blade of grass stirred. Not a single creature dared to leave its home. The only creature that had the courage to defy the unrelenting weather was the eagle soaring in the sky. He was the king of the forest.

At the edge of the forest stood a house. It was quaint and neat, with white paint on the walls and a small bed of flowers decorating the porch. It was a symbol of civilisation.

_____________________________________________________________________

Two boys scuttled to the backyard of the house, glancing over their shoulders with a mixture of fear and excitement. The house wasn't their home; they never had one. They were street urchins.

The older one was clutching a box of matches, their newest play thing. They had stolen it from a grocery store.

Together they squatted in the dirt, and began to strike one match after another. The flash of light and the wisps of smoke increased their excitement. They felt like wizards, playing with the dangerous, the mysterious; producing fire with the snap of the finger. They giggled, oblivious to their surroundings, and how the forest seemed to be leaning towards them, edging closer........
_____________________________________________________________________

Old Dan was the only living creature in the house. He sat on an old stuffed armchair. His arms were folded across his chest, his eyes half closed, lost in his memories.

The inside of the house was as simple and neat as the outside. The walls were white and bare, save for a few faded photographs and his display of badges. He was a soldier once, who earned his fair share of badges and scars. He hid them both as well as he could, but Sophie found them. The scars she had wept over, the badges she framed and hung them over the mantelpiece. He had argued with her over that. After all, what's the point of rewarding a man for surviving?

“It's ridiculous,” he had added with a growl, “glorifying the worst and most inhumane acts in the world…that's what those badges are.”

“Then let them be a reminder to you about that.”

“Besides,” she had added as she turned around to face him with a smile. “A woman wants to show off her man.”

He didn't reply, but had let her decorate the wall with the badges.

He gave a quiet sigh. Sophie died three years ago. Ever since then, he had never been the same. The painful, hollow ache inside him had never lessened. Sometimes he'd catch himself standing in the kitchen, the bedroom, anywhere; just remembering the little, normal things in that part of the house. Sometimes, he thought he could actually see her. And then the vision would fall apart and fade away, reminding him of the emptiness in his soul.

Even his physical self had been affected. He could no longer march briskly; instead he shuffled with weary feet. His usual morning trek through the forest was reduced to just trudging up and down the stairs to grease the old joints.

He knew he was going soon. Sophie told him as he held her hand and watched her breathe her last. That he will soon have eternal summers with her. He wanted to go with her then. But she asked him to wait. “Patience rewards twice. Once, while waiting; and once again when waiting is no longer needed.”

He felt like a man waiting for the train to arrive. Now, despite the pain in his heart, he was content to sit and wait, lost in memories.

Sounds of giggling floated in. He pricked his ears. Those were not from his memories. Opening his eyes, he heaved himself off the armchair and headed out to the backyard.

_____________________________________________________________________

“Let me have a turn, Ben. It's my turn!” The younger boy whined.

The older one complied. The younger boy grabbed the matchbox, took out a match, and struck it. He gave a whoop as the flame leapt up and slowly climbed down to the end of the stick. They watch, entranced by the magic.

“Hey!”

A gruff, old voice jolted the boys out from their trance. They gave a yelp, threw down the match into the pile of burnt matches, and ran for their lives without a backward glance.

____________________________________________________________________

Old Dan leaned against the door, his eyes following the ragged boys who were running like the wind. He chided himself. He knew what Sophie would have done. She would have taken the boys in, given them a bath and her famous, double chocolate-chip and nut cookies.

Him? He would just say “hey!”. He shook his head. He took a step forward. What were they doing out there? He felt like investigating, but the heat made him turn back to the house instead.

Inside, he surveyed his surroundings. The books on the shelves, the tablecloth at the perfect angle, the exact placing of the table lamp. He never had been a neat freak himself, but something compelled him to keep everything in the exact way Sophie had wanted. It was as if Sophie's presence would be there if it was so. Even now, if he allowed himself, he would be able to hear her humming and smell her cookies baking.

His eyes focused on an old tattered box on a shelf. The box was old and worn, and the things were unimportant to any other person. But it was almost everything in his life. A carefully folded old wedding dress, a photo album, Sophie's diaries and their love letters. It was all Dan's life with Sophie. It was the only thing he would take with him if he needed to run.

If he wanted to run.

He knew that it was during this time of the year that a forest fire was most likely; when his house will be most at risk. He could tell from the dryness in the air, the stillness of the wood. He knew his house wouldn't be able to stand the heat. He knew he would die if he stayed in a burning house.

He sat down slowly. He didn’t know if he wanted to live.

____________________________________________________________________

The flame seemed to have died when the match fell into the pile. The forest heaved a sigh of relief. Then the flame burst forth again. It burned, and the pile of matches lit up. A sudden breeze swept by. The gentle fire danced in the breeze and caught onto the dry grass on the forest floor. The dance began to grow wild, and tongues of flame leapt to the dance, embracing the branches of a tree.

The gentle fire became a reckless rage. The sleeping dragon awoke. It ran wild with a vengeance, licking the dry trees, setting them alight. Its growl turned into a fearsome roar. Its hunger could not be satisfied; the more it ate, the stronger and the hungrier it grew. It charged and devoured everything it saw.

The house suddenly drew the attention of this beast, and it charged at it. The white paint of the house turned black, succumbing to the intense heat. The flower bed disappeared into the flames. Smoke poured out from the dragon's nostrils; thick and black and foul. It rose slowly to the air.
The eagle circled in the sky; it looked down to see his kingdom destroyed.

____________________________________________________________________

Old Dan smelt the smoke, and then felt the intense heat. Even before he could think, his army-trained instincts drove him to immediate action.

He jumped up, ignoring the painful stab in his knee. The smell of smoke made him cough and retch. He grabbed the box without thinking and rushed out of the front door.

He hadn’t taken more than ten paces when a fresh breeze filled his lungs and he heard a voice that made his heart stop.

“Dear, tea-time!”

Sophie!

_______________________________________________________________________

“Ben! Ben! Do you see that smoke?”

The older boy was stooping and panting hard from his escape when he heard his younger friend gasp out that line.

He whirled around, and his heart turned cold when he saw the thick, black smoke.

“Wasn't that where we came from just now?” panted his friend.

Ben had no answer.

After an infinity of silence, by some unspoken agreement, they ran away from the smoke.

The box of matches laid on the road, forgotten.

____________________________________________________________________

The local fire station did not receive the call they had been waiting for the whole summer. Instead, they saw the smoke first.

Immediately the organized chaos began. The sliding down the poles, the tense silence as the men pulled on their uniforms, the wailing of the sirens. That was what they had been training for, and now they hoped they weren't too late.

One of the younger fire-fighters thought aloud. “Isn't Old Dan’s house up there in the forest?”
_____________________________________________________________________

Old Dan spun around, his heart paused, his throat constricted. He stared at the burning house with tears in his eyes, searching for the source of that voice.

“Dan? Tea-time! I've made your favourite cookies!”

He took a step towards the house, and another. The box slipped from his numb fingers. He was sweating, and it wasn't because of the heat. His body screamed out a warning, but his heart told him to go on. He took another two steps.

Sophie?

Was this really it? Was this the time he had been waiting for? He paused, and shook his head to clear it. Was this yet another hallucination, a figment of his imagination? Was it just a thread of his memories? He needed to know.

“Dan! I'm not going to tell you again!” The voice held a hint of impatience, but it was full of love and longing.

A smile broke forth from his tense features. He squared his shoulders, and marched back into the burning house.

The acrid smell of smoke turned into the tempting aroma of freshly-baked cookies, the heat was only the warmth of Sophie's arms around him, her body close to his.

The beginning of their eternal summer had begun.

Wrote it for commonwealth last year. I'm not quite sure what to think of it.

Writer's block

2010-02-22T11:25:00.000+08:00

I want to write something..I had a line..an idea...

*cracks knuckles*

*thinks*

*trying to recall*

...

*nothing*

*bangs head on table and moans*

Be prepared for disappointment...

My crazy fantasies and cold realism are at war.

gods

2010-02-16T23:27:00.000+08:00

The gods are selfish, he declared.

and I understood.

you can try so very hard

to appease them

but who knows when they are

satisfied?

They wreck fire and burning sulphur

their wrath shakes the earth

their wars destroys the universe

who can stand against them?

we have no power, no will, no right.

Some did try

They failed;

but we must applaud them.

for unlike other frightened mortals,

They did what They could.

Perhaps some

have succeeded.

But they passed away

remembered no more by Time.

And the gods live on

Creating and wrecking.

The gods are selfish

and we are nothing.

haha...got inspired by what Luke said in the movie Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. It sounds lame though. What you think?

Boredom + heat = ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

2010-02-11T12:16:00.000+08:00

I’m bored.

I’m so bored that I actually want to go shopping, which is something I hate doing because I’m picky (I went to five different shops before I finally found my recent pair of shoes) and it’s annoying. In fact, the last time I went shopping was to get my prefect farewell dress. And it was my aunt who dragged me there, not my own girlie senses. But now I WANT to shop. And not for books (I don’t have that kind of money anyway). I mean girlie shop. Like going to Jusco just to buy three pairs of dangling earrings for RM 10 that would either a) get lost, b) get tangled in my hair and annoy me to death or c) get snatched away by some desperate half-crazed snatch thief.

I’m so bored that I actually walked to STM and back just to see how long it would take. Just so you know, it took 40 minutes there and back. So I still would take the shortest time to get to DNA even if I walked. Though I wouldn’t of course. Who wants to do that with a huge bag anyway? But it would be amusing….

“Hi, this is Yoke Ling. I’m just wondering how’re you’re going to get to DNA since you did not ask for help in transport?”
“I’m walking.”
“Are you sure???”
“Oh yea it’d just take 20 minutes.”

I’m so bored that I’ve begun to take three trips to do something that could be done in just one. For example, instead of pouring a cup of water, walking to the study room to switch on the modem then only heading to the hall to turn on the computer, I take the cup of water to the comp, then switch on the modem, then go back to switch on the comp, then back again to the modem to plug in the connecting wire.

I’m so bored that instead of just shoving the whole cookie into my mouth, I bite it off slowly and contemplate why some crumbs fall off and others don’t, and why certain chocolate chips can be bitten into two while others just come right out whole. Is it physics or chemistry? Or is it simply destiny? Does God determine which crumb falls off?

I’m so bored that right now I’m thinking of various creative ways to complete this sentence “I’m so bored that…” You know, like the top ten ways to complete that sentence ala Phases.

I. Am. So. Bored.

It’s one thing to be bored. It’s another thing entirely when life is boring and HOT. Like sweltering hot. Like “my kingdom for a ice cold glass of coke” hot. At least, if it’s cool and raining outside, I can curl up with a book and a nice hot cup of coffee. When it’s hot, I do not want to curl up anywhere or with anything. Reading makes my head ache, the hall is too hot to be using the computer, and it’s too hot to bake cookies. Even trying to write something out is awful. I keep starting with “the heat was so intense that…..” and completely blur out after that. It’s too darn hot to do anything.

I hate this time of the year. Sure, sure, CNY is coming and so are all the fancy food, but the heat always takes away some of the pleasantness of such pleasures. And it does not help that I have nothing to do apart from reading. And there are only so much of books you can take. How odd of me to say that.

If I were in school now, it wouldn’t be so unpleasant. I wouldn’t be bored, and there would be no time to think about the heat. I certainly wouldn’t be thinking about crumbs and chocolate chips. I’d just shove the accursed thing into my mouth. I dislike boredom and heat. Put the two together and you have just presented torture to me.

It doesn’t help that my MP3 decided to die. And it was not because of overuse!! I gave it the month long break it deserved. Two months long, actually, since I didn’t use during SPM. Now I can’t even distract myself with Michael Buble, or try out some heavy metal for the fun of it. And without it, I can’t think of any song to try out on the piano. I was trying out Buble for awhile. Now I can’t.

The inability to drive also limits my activities. If I could drive, I could take myself to Jusco to buy Starbucks coffee for the heck of it and stare at shoppers. Or I could drive to various boutiques in town that offer a 70% discount because of the lack of customers and put them out of their misery. Or I could go buy a new MP3. But I can’t. So I’m stuck at home, watching Pandaman (which is actually quite ok…but it could just be the boredom talking) and slowly getting addicted to facebook.

I’m not entirely vegetating though. I’m helping my mom a fair bit, going to PBS as well. I’m still looking around and contemplating on getting a job. I’m doing stuff. But I’m still bored. There’s nothing to plan, nothing to organize, no one to scold (kidding). There’s nothing to study!!! Ok, I was kidding about that too. I think. I just might pull out Bio for fun.

But I am bored. And lonely too maybe. There’s no one to go Jusco with or hang out because they’re all

a) At college (kiasu people!)
b) working
c) NS
d) In some other state visiting some other people. Or they live in other states.

The irony is that I never felt the urge to go Jusco or hang out or lepak or whatever last time. I’ve finally become a teenager…. five years late. ><

Sorry about the kiasu remark. You’re not, I know. I just feel stupid. Then again I don’t think stupid is the right word.

If this keeps up, I shall become as emo as the dude who wrote Ecclesiastes!

I am bored. Hence this self-indulgent post. Enjoy. And if something doesn’t come up, this self-indulgent crap shall continue.

As time goes by

2010-02-04T21:16:00.000+08:00

January's over???? *blinks sleepily*

Sigh. I can't believe it. I guess not being in school has caused me to lose the habit of keeping up with the days. Haha.

I have a list of books to read.......41 books to be exact. O.o And those are just the books in my house. I haven't counted those in the church library....and the ones i want to borrow...and maybe the school library again....><

I need to dig out all the stories in my head that I've neglected. Sigh. That would take some time. And a lot of discipline. Maybe if someone kept bugging me...?

Priya, my Jedi friend is BACK!!!!! Yay!! =)
uh....the Jedi thing is a long story...private joke..and a bad one. Nvmd.

That's the update la. Just being at home...helping out my mom...nothing much. Nothing exciting.

I'm sorry if that's boring to you. It kinda is to me too. Sigh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLEMENT THE GENIUS!!!!!=)
Big boy di...........may you continue to grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men,
And your present from me is...with me. I'll try to pass it to you ASAP. haha.

I'm hoping February would be more interesting. =)

Friends

2010-01-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

...one of the few stories I wrote that made me feel soooooo happy...though i need to work on the dialogue...too cheesy..enjoy.=)

The cafeteria was loud and noisy, choked with bodies and heat. It was then I realized how large and overpopulated this school was, and how alone and foreign I was in that world.

At a corner stood Cedric, standing as he ate. I gave him a shy smile. Cedric was the only one who tried to make friends with me, who knew that I exist. We met in the strangest way, but it was perhaps the best way to realize how similar we were. We were victims of bullying, and we shared the same pain.

Cedric hesitated, and then slowly maneuvered his way to me. But even as he did so, Kevin stuck out his leg. They call Kevin a “jock”, though I never understood that term.

Fries, milk, and all the other food on Cedric’s tray flew in slow motion as he fell to the floor, as I watched with a sense of dread. Not again, I prayed to all the gods I knew. Please, not again. Jeers and laughter filled the room as I stood up, unsure of what to do.

“Like that, kid?” Kevin sneered as he kicked Cedric down into the mess on the floor.

Anger surged through my veins. Without realizing it, I marched across the room. “You…..stop!” I cried, wishing I could know more of this strange English language to call him some choice names.

I felt a painful grip on my arm as a boy’s face drew close to mine, reeking of tobacco and yesterday’s dinner. I struggled to find a word. “Free me…now!” I finally said, hoping that my voice wouldn’t sound as foolish as I felt.

His girlfriend leered at me over his shoulder, “They really make a pair, don’t they? One can hardly string two words together, the other can barely walk.” My face burned even as I tried to comprehend the words she spoke.

Across the cafeteria, Kevin and some other boys had grabbed hold of Cedric. “Let’s get them together, shall we? Maybe they’ll kiss!” Everybody laughed.

Kiss? I shook my head in bewilderment as I was dragged closer to Cedric, who was struggling to no avail. Everyone started pursing their lips and making sucking noises, jeering and chanting words too fast for me to grasp. But I now understood what was going to happen.

“No!” I screamed, trying to twist myself free, but the result was only a harder, tighter grip on my arm. I swung my free arm in a powerful punch, hitting my captor square in the jaw. His hand released me as he jerked a few paces back.

The laughter faded. My captor regained his balance and shoved me hard to the floor. Stars fielded my vision as I felt my head collide with a bench. I tasted blood in my mouth. My ears ceased to function and for a moment there was a sudden silence.

A warm liquid was seeping into my jeans. I opened my eyes and a mirage of colors flew by. Blinking slowly, I lifted my hand to my face. It was drenched in blood. Terror froze my heart. Was it my blood? Was I dying?

Suddenly, Cedric’s face loomed over me, eyes full of concern. He pulled at my arm and carried me to a chair.

“Are you alright?” he asked. I took a few deep breaths and nodded dumbly. That’s when I saw what he held in his hands. A gun. My vision cleared rapidly and I turned to stare back at him, a growing horror rising from within me. Did he…..?

His sweaty cold hand reached up to my face. “Wait here…I’ll be right back.” He turned and ran out of the cafeteria

I scanned what remained of the cafeteria. Overturned tables, trampled food and blood were everywhere. My ears began to work again and like a radio with the volume turned full blast, terrified screams, haunting moans and gunshots suddenly shattered the silence.

The lumps on the floor, I realized, were bodies. Dead bodies. My captor lay in a pool of blood; I could no longer see his face. It was his blood that drenched my clothes. Slowly I stood up and saw Kevin and the other boy who had held Cedric, also dead. A few others I could no longer recognize lay on the floor as well, soaked in their own blood.

Nausea rose in my throat as I turned away, heaving gasps of shock. My mind was screaming the Chinese phrase “Save life! Save life!”, but I could see that there was no one I could save in this place.My mind reeling, I tried to make sense of the unthinkable. Did Cedric do this? Why? I couldn’t understand. I wanted to run away, far away from this place, but I remained rooted to where I was. Cedric told me to wait. He would explain this. He was the only one I could trust. Maybe it wasn’t him at all, I thought to myself. And so I sat and waited.

How long I waited, I would never know. But finally he returned, the gun still in his hand, drenched in sweat.

I stumbled back a few paces, slipping in the blood. Was he going to kill me? Have I foolishly waited for my death?

“You…kill me?” I finally asked, barely able to breathe.

He looked shocked at what I had said.

“Why? You’re my friend, I wouldn’t do that.” He answered. “You’re the only one who had ever cared for me in this hellhole. Remember the first time we met? You were the only one who stood up to Kevin and his bullies for me. I’m never going to let you go.”

Slowly, I tried to make sense of his words, but only one registered with me. Friend. It had been a long time since I have heard that English word. But I remembered what it meant.

“We’re…friends?” I asked, tears flooding my eyes.

“Yes,” he whispered and took my hand as sorrow suddenly overcame us both.

Amidst the screams, the police sirens, the blood and the dead bodies, two friends sat down and cried.

2010-01-20T20:58:00.000+08:00

Hey just reviewed my latest post and realized that there are a few corrections and add-ons I forgot to make.....haha

Firstly, I think I gave the image that I had a terrible 2009. Rest assured that it was the opposite. It was the best year ever. I'm so blessed that God used me to go beyond my boundaries. I've drawn closer to many friends, I've learnt a lot along the way, and I've changed for the better (hopefully). It was just complicated as well....too complex to explain though. Haiz. Suffice it to say that I forgot quite often about abiding in God and thus faced the consequences for it as well as the miracles that followed when I finally turned back to Him. So really, I'm okay.

Secondly, I finally found the word I wanted to find to describe my reflection thingy. It's not that I only figured the whole thing out at the end of the year. I learnt all this as I went along 2009. It was just a moment of concluding, so that I won't forget (hopefully) what I've learnt and experienced. Do you kinda get the picture now? =/

Oh and now I know why I used that Aslan to Prince Caspian quote. It's because of the line that comes after it. "Be content with that". God has made me to be here at this place for His purpose. So to Him, because of His Son Jesus, I am made worthy. Make sense?

Ahh...nevermind. If you don't, just think of it as me ranting and mumbling some nonsense. I don't mind; just wanted to explain myself to you all.

Reflections....for your benefit

2010-01-20T17:55:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! I guess you'd realize by now that I'm officially back on the blogging wagon (which would be to the utter dismay of my parents).

Yeah well, I guess all of you might just want to hear what's going on in my life than just the stories and poems and those short cheerful updates I've been posting to appease you. But it's been a lot; and some things I'd rather keep it between myself and God.

However, you do want an update about ME. And I do owe you that much, especially to those who faithfully check on this little pilgrim's progress in life.

Well. Where to begin. Hm.

I've just been looking back at all my posts and I realized how much I have changed since last year. There's no better way to see how much you've changed by looking at how you do what you loved...in my case, it's writing. I think I like the change. I'm not so reckless, so unpredictable. I think I'm beginning to control myself better, think through things more. I'm actually writing drafts, notes, the framework before penning down a story. I never did that before.

Suffice it to say that God has been molding me throughout last year, despite the mistakes I've made. 2009 was a challenging year for me, and I think that it has made a permanent mark on my character, my standards and my outlook of life. I've grown to be more responsible, more mature and less....stupid =). 2009 taught me a lot about words and actions, decisions and consequences. I think I can safely say that dNA helped in that as well; what with the ultimate question (how then shall we live?) in my mind and the constant encouragement from godly friends (BTW, thanks a lot)

I've also made terrible choices along the way. Choices that led to disaster in my personal life, in my relationship with certain friends, and especially in my relationship with God. I think it was because of the sudden burdens that were trust towards me. Suddenly, I was responsible for many many people. My words could be commands, my actions a powerful example that will not only define who I am but also the people I represent. It was a scary thought. I believe it made push myself to higher levels of maturity, but it also......well I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but the closest I could get was that I lost myself in all those responsibilities instead of relying on God's strength and purpose. At night, I scrutinised every word I said, every action I took; checking to see whether I've failed in my responsibilities, berating myself bitterly when I did instead of placing it in God's hands and letting Him handle it. In time, I forgot what I was truly busy for; WHO I was truly busy for.

Yeah it was a battle last year, battling myself, my need to feel that I'm worthy. And I always fell short. Because I am NOT worthy. At all. It's God who made us worthy, without Him we are nothing. I am a child from Adam, and that, as Aslan in the Chronicles of Narnia said to Prince Caspian, "that is enough to raise the head of the lowest beggar, and to lower the head of the highest ruler" ........now why did I use that quote? I don't know. ==

That's the short story. The main thing I've learnt through the whole of last year (it didn't happen at the end of the year, it was more of an ongoing thing....argh! difficult to explain, again) was that I desperately needed God, for I'm nothing without Him. And despite relying on my strength, He had listened to all my half-hearted prayers, and when I truly cried in despair, He held me up. I think I'm beginning to see that God's love....is beyond anything and somehow it's constantly growing. As Aslan again once said, "As you grow bigger, so do I" (well it was something along those lines). I comprehend that I will never begin to comprehend the vastness of God's love.

If you're wondering what I was doing during the whole of December until now, I was actively reviewing my life in 2009; because of the drastic changes I felt in myself. I was on a sabbatical of sorts - just reviewing and reflecting on my life, praying and talking to God, getting my private world in order (still am...probably will take my whole life too..LOL), wondering about the future. For those who had the chance to intercept it (especially dNA-ers, since dNA was the beginning of my 'sabbatical'), thanks for the words of encouragement and allowing me to go moody(I think I was staring a bit too much for comfort right??) and also for picking up the phone to message or answering my calls late at night or allowing me to visit you just to rant. I also apologize if my reflective state has hurt anyone (there're no mountains or caves to go to you see, and my family would freak if I did anyways) and also for the time before the holidays when I was really feeling down....it was purely unintentional. So sorry for not being more cheerful.

Oh and I'm still reflecting, though it has toned down a bit. Now I'm just thinking about the next step.

And my mom wants me to cook so I can't write a nice elegant ending for this....kinda saved me as I do NOT know how to end this. I guess I just hope that the little I've revealed here would help those who were hurt by me last year to understand what I was going through...and also...well hopefully you'd have learnt something from this ranting. Hm.

Cutlets for dinner. =)

Unveiling

2010-01-19T16:56:00.000+08:00

This is a small part of a story I'm beginning to write; you could say that it'd be a project. I did this because I wanted to finally let it out from my head, and also because of the encouragement of a close friend. I think you'll see why I was reluctant to write this down. But I hope you will not assume that I'm becoming violent or emo or whatever. =) And no this was not because of Criminal Minds either. Please tell me what you think.

I looked back to the two of my friends on the remaining horse. We had what we wanted, but we needed to get out, now, unless we wanted to pay with our lives. The gate of the castle ground was closing swiftly. I turned again to see the vast army of trained Trackers charging at us. I knew that we would never make it out of the city alive with them at our heels. They needed to be destroyed.

And only I could do it.

Swinging around to look at my comrades, I yelled, “Run!!”

“What???”

I couldn’t wait for them to see reason. They had to leave, before I kill them. I smacked the horse’s rump as hard as I could. It, at least got the message. They could do nothing but hold on to the charger as it fled through the gates. They were safe, for now.

I felt the bile rise in my throat as I allowed the monster in me take control. I could feel the swell of evil savage joy in my blood as I let down my walls of self-control. I hated myself, but there was no choice. It was this or death.

So I became the beast I was born to be.

Slowly I swindled around gracefully to meet them; my prey. Arrows flew in all directions, and I’m sure that some of them reached their target, but they were nothing to me. This was too easy; it was almost boring. But I haven’t had such fun in such a long time that this, no matter how pathetic, would do.

I analyzed them with a smile on my face. There was a metallic ringing in my ears, a pounding in my veins. I could almost feel the splatter of their blood on my face, see their guts rip apart. I grinned. Too easy.

I laughed when the first of the fools reached me as I grab his chest and tore his heart out. I laughed as the screams began.

The Struggle

2010-01-06T18:47:00.000+08:00

A big question on my mind now.........

Should I go NS? I know I already said I would, but something has made me begin to think twice now.

It's my foot infection. And it's bad. Whenever I wet my feet, they itch then swell and pus and all the disgusting stuff you do not need to know. They are hypotonic, or is it hypertonic? I still mix those two up...haiz.

Anyway. >< They don't take too kindly to water, dirty or not. Which would be a problem as in NS I'm sure I'll get wet. I'd definitely get sweaty. And yes my feet don't like sweat either. Wear my shoes and walk around for too long will make them itch. Even bathing makes them itch...argh. So annoying!

Rats. I totally forgot about that. I guess I don't like to think about it. But I should remember cuz it always happens at prefect camp..only it's only for three days. This is three months...that's very different.

What am I to do? Go for it regardless? Don't go? I do have a valid reason. My feet can get awful in a span of three months. But should I try despite it? Is this some sort of challenge by God? Am I being nuts? I probably won't go. It is that bad. I suppose I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do. After all I said abt NS, this is how it turns out?

What do you think? Cuz I'm not so sure now...

Ressurected!

2010-01-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

Yes, my blog is in a deplorable state. I humbly apologize.

The thing is, I've been doing a lot of thinking this whole month. Just...taking a break from the world, I guess. It's difficult to explain; and i'm sorry if my 'reflective' state has bothered anyone...it was purely unintentional.

I do have a few post that I do want to put up, and I would in time. For now I need to get my head together, and thus I ask for patience.

Until then, my best wishes to all of you for the new year.

=) i'm ok. don't worry.

Butterflies

2009-12-09T21:49:00.000+08:00

Butterflies in my stomach for various reasons...
Life's like that, isn't it?
A riddle, a maze
Unpredictable.

The things I've gone through
still seem alien, a stranger
like a foreigner i wade through
experiences in life, that i've gone thru
so many times before.

I'm scared, but i don't show it
Confused, but still clear
there's things in life that are still certain
still true, still real.

I'm in a whole new territory
terrified? you betcha
but i still smile
even with the butterflies in my stomach...

I'm nervous about dNA. And about life from now on. Haiz.

Erm........shud i scream???

2009-12-08T21:28:00.000+08:00

So SPM's over.

Checking all my other friend's blogs, it's mostly lots of screamings and shouts of joy. And I too am happy too. But I dunno. I just don't really feel like screaming. After yelling a bit and high-fiving Clement, it was like, ok. Nothing left to do.

I'm really, really glad it's done with though. And I'm soooo thankful for God's grace throughout the long long exam...everything came out quite...ok. Surprisingly.

Now I have to speed-read 2 books for dNA!!!! ahhhhhhhhhh......haiz.
But I really will enjoy myself this time..can't wait.

So yeah you won't be seeing me for 10 days...sigh. But I'll be back.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!SPM OVER!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHA...

BK saved!

2009-12-06T19:16:00.000+08:00

BK is officially SAVED!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Ok la sorry but it is really good news to all christian students out there. With the maximum number of spm subjects extended to 12, science stream students can take accounts, BK n Chinese too if they want to.

So I really REALLY encourage all christian students to take this subjects. Is it easy? Well, no subject is easy. But Bible Knowledge (in case you dunno wat BK is) is easier than most as it is basically reading and rereading the two books Acts and Luke. And answering questions.

I'd love it Bukit Mewah Christian students. especially those in f3 n f4 take up BK as an SPM subject. This is the one chance we have to stand up and say "Yes I am serious as a christian, that's why i take BK". This is one of the many ways we can make a statement throughout the country that there are students out there who believe in Jesus Christ our Saviour.

I think that's why i took BK i think, eventhough i was the only one in my school this year. I could really see the candidates surrounding me (taking Islam) noticing me. Even the examiners were taking an interest in it. It was as if I really was a witness to them abt Christ. I would hv felt better if I didn't do soooo badly. T.T I mixed up a lot of things. But I hope i did ok. I think i will. I pray I will.

So OI! All you CF ppl ah, Please consider BK. I'm willing to give you my textbooks too if you don't hv money to buy them. And i'm willing to help you whenever you need it. BK really opened my eyes to God's Word, and as I was forced to read and read and read it again and again, I can remember stories of God's grace and goodness, and in a way it encourages me throughout my life. I can assure you that BK is a subject that will prepare you for LIFE. So please, please take the subject and be a witness to the country.

2009-11-11T11:07:00.000+08:00

Lets' destress......and melt, esp the girls haha..
Guy Sebastian's Perfection was written for his wife for their wedding methinks....so sweet...aww..
*Perfection* - Guy Sebastian

Peter can you gather the angels all around
I need everyone to get this down. . .
This will not be easy coz what I'm asking for
Is something we have never tried before

(chorus)
Let's make a girl,
But not just any girl,
She needs to be Perfect, Perfect. . .
Add some Beautiful . . . Throw in some Divine
She needs to define *Perfection*
Don't forget the sugar..... Make it so she's sweet
From her head to her feet . . . *Perfection*

Go and get Picasso, he can paint her eyes
Michelangelo can paint her smile . . .
And when we're finally finished I want nothing less
Than for all of us to stand here. . . Breathless

(chorus)
Let's make a girl,
But not just any girl,
She needs to be Perfect, Perfect. . .
Add some Beautiful . . . Throw in some Divine
She needs to define *Perfection*
Don't forget the sugar..... Make it so she's sweet
From her head to her feet . . . *Perfection*

All the Angels said "Can we keep her . . .She's so beautiful"
But God said "Someone down there needs her
. . . and he can't live without her, without her"

She's so beautiful . . .She's flawlessly Divine
And yes she defines . . . *Perfection*
Please don't change a thing
It's obvious to me....that what I see is... *Perfection*

When she's 21 she'll change somebody's life
When she's 28 she'll be his wife.

This is the song..

Beautiful kan?? Haiz...love it so much...His collaboration with Jordin Sparks for 'The Art Of Love' also very 'chun' wei...
I'm a Guy Sebastian fan!!!Officially..haha.
But need to study now...ONE MORE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!@.@

gearing up

2009-10-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

Right now, if I picture my self, it's like my army is preparing for war. I can smell the hot acrid smell of metal as arrowheads are forged, the smoke that rises from the blacksmith fires, horses in the stable, dusty parchments as maps are taken out and strategies debated.

And there's the clanking of swords and armor, the rattle of spears, the neighing of restless horses, commands and orders shouted across the fort, men's quiet discussions about the coming battle.....

War. We're off to war.

And there's no turning back.

The ultimate question that resounds in my mind now is: have I done enough??

21 more days and counting.......

to not know...

2009-10-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

i don't.............understand
why are you hurt?
what have i done?
what have i said?

please tell me
i know you're hurt
and i know i'm at fault
but how? how?
i don't know how i did it.....

confused, upset
cut to the core...
why has my sunny world turned gray?
i'm heartbroken

trying my best
to be God's best
to love, to hope,
to keep the smile on my face
but pain....oh the pain..

tell me
why do i cry these tears
for you?
what have i done?
for i, i don't know..

never felt this sore...
will i be scarred for life?
one thing i'm sure of
i'll never heal until i know..

Emo @ Trials

2009-09-10T12:32:00.000+08:00

I got a bit emo during trials..........i drew these..........Don't ask me why..... they're aren't that good, but i must say i'm rather impressed......i usually suck at drawing..

Don't ask me why i drew that I lost my mind i think.......I like this one though.....modified it with picasa

this is in black and white!!

The not so Golden Snitch....haha

The cuter version................i think.

Anyway, trials wasn't such a fiasco after all, praise God!!
I think i did really bad in sejarah and physics again....but hopefully my chemistry and biology would be able to improve.....

I also was the source of curiosity and amusement for the teachers when i sat for BK....
I think they really didn't know wat to make of me...haha.
But the BK paper had one incomplete question!! Hiyoh....
and naturally none of the teachers in my school knows what to do or what the other part of the question is........hmph. I don't really now wat to do...Can those marks be a bonus??=p

Anyway, SPM is in two months, so you won't be hearing from me for a long time...
I really need to work on my sejarah and three science subjects.
Until next time!
May your swords stay sharp!

2009-08-20T16:42:00.001+08:00

If you're wondering why i sound so crazy in my latest post, it's cause i think i am getting a bit too solemn...ha, just look at my previous post.......sounds so mature.....which i am not! not yet anyway...
needed to lightened the place up.

Breather!

2009-08-20T15:53:00.000+08:00

Ha, so the first week of trial is over! ~yay~
Right now, both armies are having a breather......not sure how they call that in battle language, reprieve? i guess so...
Anyway, the little grey cells in my brain are recuperating now.....I'm glad to say that i managed to do better, i think. At least in my Math and BM, i hope.

Sejarah was a major flop, AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I'm facing this when i go for Sejarah exam.....

Why can't i beat this stupid subject!!????

Boo hoo....

Can't say much about english..........I think it went ok. But I don't like my essays.......so cheesy and melodramatic.

Now I have Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Add Maths and Bible Knowledge to worry about. And Moral!! Trials are SUCH a trial.........................

Trial trial trial
Drives me wild wild wild
Dunno wat to do do do
Wish it will end soon soon soon...

Please pray for my Bible Knowledge especially, Cause this would be the first time I sat for a Bk exam. I never had one ever!!!! so i have no idea wat to expect, or how much to write.I hope i can finish within the time limit. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

On the bright side, Prefect's Farewell is tomorrow and I'm a guest of honour!! Haha....feels weird not having to plan or perform anymore....

Then it's one week break for me to cram cram cram and the battle is on all over again!!

BRING IT ON!!

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

Praying for the rest of you who are taking exam.....do your best!
With Christ we can do all things!!

oh! yeah! One more thing....

Someone's lost a blue pen, don't know who,
Now i have it and i dunno wat to do
I didn't mean to take it, it wasn't meant to be
So can the owner please come and see me?

Last Words..

2009-08-09T17:41:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, I retire as Treasurer of SMK Bukit Mewah's Prefectorial Board 08/09.
Wow.
Anyway, I penned these thoughts down when I got sick of studying sejarah, and I might as well post them now....

I'm retiring. A full year of service as treasurer is (finally) coming to an end. And here I am, at the precipice of the end. In a few hours time, I give up my post to the future generation.
I never expected myself to be part of the prefect committee. I believe that many others didn't as well. I admit that I wished for it, but it never crossed my mind that it would actually happen, least of all me being treasurer. Handling money is the worst thing one could ever put me in charge of.
God has been good. Despite my numerous mistakes and miscalculations, my disorganized personality, my lazy procrastinating attitude, He has led me, pulled me through the whole time, and now I can pass on the account with peace knowing that it is intact. It is only by His grace and mercy and unconditional love that such a miracle could happen, that I could carry my responsibilities so well. And not only these responsibilities, but also others as treasurer to cf and vice-president to chess club.
It has been a long, long year; full of challenges and hardships, disappointments and defeats. But I was never alone, God was with me always, and because of Him I too have tasted success and happiness, joy and satisfaction.
To the future AJKs, present prefects, and the countless generation of other prefects who would not read this: Being a prefect is NOT easy. In this school, it never will be. But it is a task that you should undertake with your head held high, for each and every one of you represents our school. You are the essence, the core of what our school is. Sentimental me, I guess. But it's true. Many of us complain and ometimes slack. I do that myself sometimes; but I never, NEVER regretted signing up to be a prefect. Never. And you shouldn't either. Do not let people (i.e. teachers and a certain *ahem*) or situations (i.e. fights, politics, favourtism,etc.) bog you down. You are NOT serving THEM. You are serving our school-SMK BUKIT MEWAH. It is an honour, one that you should never despise or take for granted.
To the Christian prefects, I urge you to let your light shine as you carry out the duties God has given you. You are NOT a prefect by accident. It wasn't because a teacher recommended you, or because the school chose you, or because you volunteered. God place you at such a time and place for a PURPOSE. Hehas something for you in mind. Be optimistic, trust in God, never be diheartened by the troubles and problems surrounding you.
To the future AJKs, ALWAYS BE UNITED!!! All of you need each other, from the Head Prefect right down to the lowest trainee. Never argue among yourselves, stay untied and follow the path that has been laid down by us and the AJKs of old. You must be as brothers and sisters, as comrades in battle. You MUST. there is no other way to success, I assure you that. Be respecful to authority, but remember to always state your own opinions, especially when they are wrong. Always think about your fellow prefects and their welfare. This will be the most ardous journey that you will yet to undertake, and you must be strong and as one. Begin and end well. I trust you all will do your best, and my trust is not something you should take lightly.
Finally, I'd like to thank each and every prefect for helping in some small way in making my job easier. Whether it was paying up on time or following my orders, it was a blessing and an encouragement.
To the Previous AJKs, (Yunying and Then they all), I thank you for your little words of advice, your powerful example, and most importantly, your faith in me. I was an unlikely ajk, I know, but still you supported me all the way. You may not feel that you have done so, but the little things that you have done unconsciouly I will never forget.
To my fellow comrades: Hua Chiam, Jon, Ara, Shaki, Chin Chin, Jamie and Navin- what can I say?? Thank you all so so much. We're really worked wonders together-our camp, the gala, etc etc. I have learnt so much from all of you, and I love you all. I hope that I have given to all of you as much as you gave me. And I apologized for my moments of ignorance, incompetence, procrastination, forgetfulness, carelessness, lack of discretion and all the other mistakes i have made. To Ara and Chin Chin especially, thank you for the times you held me up when I was in doubt, when I lacked faith in the board and in myself. It is through you two especially that God showed me that there is still light and hope even in my darkess hours, and I am forever grateful. I cherish you, and I hope that I have been as good a friend as you were to me, for I have no other way to repay you. May our friendship be forever, and may God light your path and give you faith.
And truly, to God be all glory and power, honour and praise! For it is He who has changed me and guided me, who encourage me and gave me strength and wisdom, who gave me hope and salvation, and made me who I am today. Because of Him, I willingly let the curtain fall, as I take my final bow, with no regrets..

Well, well, that's that. I wanted to say some stuff about CF and even Chess Club, and Debate too, but it's too too long. I bet you all are asleep already. When I die, I will take a long long time to do so if I want to say my last words. Either that, or God must take me away suddenly, so I don't say them at all. Haha.

So I'll write another time. And back to Sejarah.......=(

Sanggup Berkorban untuk Negara Practical Lesson

2009-07-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

'Are you in plkn?' 'Are you?'

That's the question that has been hounding me for some time now. Everybody wants to know. My juniors, my friends, my tuition mates, my family members, etc etc.

And in contrast to my calm and casual reply 'yes', they exclaim in shock, 'WHAT!!' 'Aduh!!'

Erm, hello? I'm the one going, not you.

I was quite calm when I checked and found that I was in. Ever since Arnan 'escaped' PLKN, I was sure that I would get it. Did I want to go? No. But I resigned myself to such a fate a year ago. So this comes as no surprise to me. And I'm not afraid. At least, I think I'm not. As far as I'm concerned, if you can survive three bukit mewah prefect camps, you can survive anything. Especially if you survived last year's camp and managed to survive organizing this year's camp, as I have done. But lately, I'm beginning to feel somewhat disturbed over my destiny.

I've heard snatches of conversations from other 'unfortunate' fellows who were trying to figure out a way to aviod this predicament. 'I have a health problem, looking at me!' 'I've heard of a doctor who will not clear you for plkn if you ask'......etc,etc.

Heck, I even found a question posted on Yahoo asking How to Avoid PLKN. wow.

Which makes me wonder: Is that the right attitude one should have towards PLKN?

Sure, you don't need to tell me the numerous reasons why us youth feel that way. I know and struggle with them myself.

1. Waste of time. Others are applying for scholarships, getting experience by working, taking driving lessons, going college, etcetc; and I will be stuck, for three months, in an extended prefect camp. I would learn some skills and such, but it would still be quite waste of time. I mean, 3 months!!!! I was actually thinking of joining the SU programme they had for after f5s. Now I can't.

2. High mortality rate. Look at it this way: we're not at war, and we only have one or two sessions playing around with firearms. Tons of money are being spent on insuring the comfort and safety of all PLKNers, so why are there still so many young ppl dying? Which country would have such a high casualty of deaths in a training centre? This is something to worry about. I would not like to die at eighteen at a training camp.

3. Terrible food, accomdation, etc. From the testimony of former PLKNers, it is really, really bad. One of my friends said that he had to go vegitarian. There were stories of food poisoning. Remember, I'm going to spend 3 months there.....3 months with bad food and smelly toilets? Three days at prefect camp, fine. 3 months..............................

And so on and so forth. Not to mention that I am also terribly afraid that I can't manage the activities there. I can even touch my toes without bending my knees. Three days of prefect camp is fine, because that's how long my adrenaline drive can last. I've never tried 3 months. Have I mentioned that I'm practically blind without my specs?

So, what does it come down to? Am I willing to spend three months at a camp where I might not make it out alive?

Touch wood, you say. But I do bother about that.

If I want to avoid PLKN, I can. I know I can. Many have done so. But....is that the right thing?

In moral class, we learn the nilai sanggup berkorban untuk negara. The willingness to sacrifice anything we have, including our lives for our nation.

In the Bible, Jesus once said, 'Give to Ceasar (the goverment) what belongs to Ceasar; and give to God what belongs to God'.

Yes, the whole PLKN thing is a farce. The whole thing may be a waste of time. It may cause me to have food poisoning. It will most certainly make me darker, have more pimples, sleep less hours, bring me back to the whole prefect camp torture thing. It may kill me. I might go crazy. I am afraid, to a certain extent, of crazy coaches who hate weaklings, stuck-up girls who refuse to be friends, of vigourous activities which might tire me out.

But I got to do it right? I can't back out. I won't back out either, given a chance. Sanggup berkorban, I am not. Don't start thinking that i'm some sort of saint. I just know that I got to do what I got to do. And I'm not condemning others who want to back out. This is just my standard that i've set for myself, that God has set for me.

Nike. Just do it.

So can I get an A in my moral exam??

Obituary

2009-07-04T15:38:00.000+08:00

I was dreaming this morning..............a weird dream of V (from V for Vendetta, watched it last night) saying something in the most verbose manner, and I was shouting NO NO NO....only was it me? My mouth was open yet it didn't sound like me.......

And then I woke up to hear my mom. Apparently she's the one yelling.

I pulled the covers over my head, snuggled a little deeper into my pillow, and slept.

My mom yells and screams all the time that we all kinda take it for granted. She yells went I fall asleep on the floor, when she drops a pot, when she sees a spot of dirt, when she sees a lizard, when she sees a cockroach, et cetera. And when I way yell, i mean screaming like she saw a dead body. Or a fire. You can't really blame her. As far as I'm concerned, most of the girls who grew up during that time were brought up to be scared of dirt and animals. Sorry mom, but that's how I see it.......(I'm going to die if she sees this)

But enough about my mom's screams. Of course I didn't go back to sleep, even though it was 6.30 in the morning. You can't ignore your mother's screams, regardless of how tired and sleepy you are. Groping for my glasses, I stumbled out of my room.

"Wuzzgoinon?"

"There's a RAT in my room, Hannah!!!"

Ok, now that made me sit up. And so began the Game of Get That Rat!!

After some hesitation, I peep into my mom's room to look for the rat, making her (my mom, not the rat) squeal. And I saw the cutest sight.

The poor mouse (yes, it was a mouse, not a rat) was running and up and down my mom's bed, looking for a way to escape. It was so adorable. Its nose came up in the air in the most endearing way, and I feel in love with it in as much time as it took for me to fall in love David Archuleta when he gave his baby-face beam. Awwwwwww.........I wanna squish you, you furry little trouble maker!! It made waking up early on Saturday morning so worth it.

Unfortunately my mom did not agree. What is it with girls of her generation and mice??

And what is it with boys of her generation and killing mice??

Yes, my dad killed my new-found squishable cutsie-pie. Well, he killed it when he came back from prayer meeting. Which was a very long wait, what with my mom screaming when she saw the poor mouse scampering across the hallway when it manage to squeeze through the bedroom door, and screaming again when she spotted it hiding behind the waste paper basket and doing the classic stand-on-the-stool reaction. Yes. it was a long long wait, cuz my dad really didn't bother about what my mom said. Like I said, we're all immune to my mom's screams.

The wait was long enough for me to invent a story, two stories in fact about that mouse, while waiting for it to move out of its hiding place. I wanted to post it here; both were amusing. One was how this little mouse refused to listen to his mother and decided to explore the house of the gods, the other was it was a young mouse just married and wanted to look for a gourmet meal in the house of the gods to celebrate. The mouse was a bit silly, a bit adventerous, a bit scatter-brained, and one hundred percent cute. And ultimately, it would scamper away, shaken but not stirred, ready for another accidental adventure.

Unfortunately, that was not how it was meant to be.

I managed to pull out the mouse from its hiding place when my dad came back. He wanted to kill it. I didn't. So there i was holding the fighting bundle in my hand, yelling "Don't kill it!!!"

My mom screamed hysterically, or maybe it was my dad, "It's biting you!!"

What was i supposed to do?? Of course I let it go, hoping that it would find the open door and run away.

It didn't. I told you it was scattered brained and silly!!! Didn't it know what open doors are for??

My dad rammed it on the head and it was dead.

Swallowing tears, I asked "Why did you kill it???"

It's a pest, was the answer.

Archie in the form of a mouse, a pest?????

I stupidly answered "And you woke me up for this!"and slammed myself in my room. At that moment, I rather be dreaming of V.

Poor, poor mouse. Stupid, disobedient, silly, scatter-brained, idiotic mouse. Now the mother will be waiting, waiting, for her stupid, disobedient son to never come home. Or maybe it's the more sensible wife who is pregnant with her babies, now a widow.

What's with people and mice?? Must all mice be cute like this:

Why must white and brown mice be the ones that are pampered? What's wrong with gray mice or black mice? Racists!!!

Or whatever you're supposed to call them.

Hmph. I'm sad. I dunno how to end this, cuz I was planning to end it on a happy, hilarious note.....but now the mouse was murdered.

Rest in peace, mouse. And I hope we'll be able to meet somehow, someday, somewhere, and we can talk, and I can cuddle and squish you, and you can nibble my ear.

Maybe You can arrange that, God?

Extra note: No one except me woke up from my mom's screaming. My younger bro only woke up when the mouse was dead. I told you we were all immune to my mom's screaming! =p
And I have forgiven the murderer, my father. He was just doing his job to the best of his ability. I mean, if he didn't kill the mouse, my mom would be screaming at him the whole day. He may be immune to it, but it does get annoying. Go, dad, and sin no more....

The passing of a legend

2009-06-26T21:41:00.000+08:00

Seven something in the morning, i rush into the prefect room to be greeted by these words..

Did you know that Michael Jackson died this morning??

Wow. And it was true.

I still can't believe it.

I'm not an MJ fan. I mean, I'm not a die-hard fan, but it still comes as a shock to me. MJ was a legend in the world of music. You can't compare him to anyone. Michael Jackson is, Michael Jackson. There really is no other way to describe him. I like his songs, esp heal the world, man in the mirror, billie jean, black or white and recently remember the time thanks to Kris Allen. I wasn't crazy over him, but I definitely admire his talent in music. He really shaped the world of pop, of dance, techno and even fashion.

MJ was one of the first names of singers i heard when i was a kid. And his name continued to be mentioned, even until now. So you can say that I kinda grew up with him and his name as common as the rice in my house. So i really can't believe he's gone. His everlasting presence made me feel like he was going to live forever.

I used to feel very sorry for him. Tortured soul-that was how they described him. And it's very true. I remember that a lot of people laughed at him and made fun of him, and the ironic part was those people used to love him before his downward spiral.

As soon as I digested the news, the phrase "vanity of vanities" immediately came into my mind. So true isn't it? Life is so fragile, so brief, like the mist in the morning, that disappears as the sun rises. And everything the world has to offer is ultimately nothing, just a chasing after the wind. MJ was a king, an icon, an idol. But in the end, he was human. A human who desperately needed love.

And so are we all, right? We are all human. We all only have one, brief life on this earth. What are we going to do about it? Chase after the things that will perish? Live in squanderous way? Play more? Invest in what truly counts? It's up to us, isn't it?
So, erm, let's start with the man in the mirror, k? Remember Michael Jackson.

Examm

2009-06-09T12:32:00.000+08:00

Piano exam is....ta-da, TOMORROWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Argh...

I don't know whether I can pass, but I need to pass...

So, it's practice. practice, practice.....=_='

Yes, I'm babbling, but I think anyone would be right now too...

I can't think, I'm not writing well, and I'm boring you....so I'll stop. Will write when I can think of something coherent.

Exercise your right

2009-06-09T12:00:00.000+08:00

Hey M'sians!! You can now vote for Kris Allen!!!!
Or Adam Lambert, though I hope you don't =p

Anyway, Hitz.fm is having this idol showdown, where we can vote for the best version of No Boundaries-either Kris', or Adam's....

The winning song will be played on the radio, whereas the losing song will be locked away, never to be played again..

Personally, I don't think that's fair, cos Adam's version and Kris' version are so different. Kris' is more of an inspiring tone, while Adam's is very rebel-like, punkish you might say.

I think the Kris' version is better for this song with such kind of lyrics. I find the lyrics very cheesy, by the way...I mean, mountains and hurricanes?! c'mon! They deserve a better song than that!

Anyway, I just want to say, VOTE FOR KRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the only time we can vote for Kris ( or Adam), so we should exercise our right!! Plus, it's free. Just go to the website (hitz.fm) and you'll see it.

VOTE KRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to please myself

2009-05-29T00:33:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry. I just had to do this......

KRIS ALLEN WON AMERICAN IDOL 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Battle's over, war has begun

2009-05-25T21:55:00.000+08:00

I'm tired. I'm so, so tired of fighting....my exams.

Now i know what a war is like...nothing but an endless mass of gore and violence and pain and sorrow. Everyday you pull on your armour, and rush to the front lines to fight and defend, till every part of your body aches and you wish you can just lay down and die.

I hate the long exams, they drag on forever and i don't even feel happy when they are over...i just feel like sleeping and never waking up. It doesn't help when the exams were a fiasco too. An ultimately I just wonder what's the point of it all.

I know i did very badly this time around, and I got no one to blame but myself. I'm the type who needs a lot of time to grasp certain knowledge, and I didn't make that time. I was so busy. But I can't use that as an excuse cause Ara and Shaki and Clement ( the mighty mindz) were busy too...and I know they did well no matter what they say. Argh! And now I need to study real hard for my bible knowledge because I have been neglecting it for so long, and my physics is in a horrendous state.

The war has just begun for me really...ther's trial and then the REAL thing. Sigh. Not to mention that i have a piano's examination coming on the 10th of June....I'm not sure how that will work out too.

There's always a silver lining....
Mine is that I definitely have a closer relationship with God now....not that I'm a saint or anything ( not even close), but I definitely learnt to trust God more. The most pathethic part though is I trust Him because mostly I have no choice!!! Hahaha....I hope for the day where I will trust Him immediately for everything, and surrender a hundred percent of my life without any doubts to Him.

Some miracles did happen during exam...like sejarah2. I had no idea what to focus on, so I was practically killing myself by trying to study everything. Then on the morning of the exam day itself, My friend told me what the teacher told her would come out, so I spent that morning slogging away for it. And I went in with only that knowledge I acquired in the morning, and prayed like crazy. And amazingly, it wasn't so bad...I was so thankful for that.

Hm...another one would be my physics 2, where I wanted to study all night but ended up sleeping until 6 am, meaning that i did not study a single thing except f5 chapter 2. I panicked. Then I decided to just let God handle it...no point getting frustrated or depressed...and there wasn't much of a choice was there? Next thing I knew a good friend of mine sms-ed me, at 6.45 in the morning...can u believe it? He told me that we can do all things in Christ and that he will pray for me. That was the biggest encouragement I ever had it had to be a Godsend. To my dear friend, thank you so much. That was an answer to a prayer, really. Physics paper that day....was still a fiasco, but not as bad as I thought it would be. At least I hope so.

So, mid-year over. The funniest thing was immediately after exam I had to go for two ajk meetings, plan the cf camp and prepare for my piano exam.....welcome back, hectic schedule!! Haha...but everyone else I know is really busy too...so I shouldn't complain. In fact, I'm glad I'm not doing anything for teacher's day!! Poor Shaki....he's really gonna kill himself if they don't let up on him...it really isn't fair.

I wrote this during physics 2...

I'm clinging on the last strands of hope
I'm fighting a losing battle
I'm defending a defeated land.
But I hold my head up high
Even as I stand alone
I smile to myself and my eyes shine
For at least I HAVE TRIED!!

Yes, well....gala post next (very much delayed).

Oh and another silver lining during my exams was KRIS ALLEN WON!!!!!!!!!

YESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally someone I support won! i'm so happy....and he's so cool....and his wife is so cute...and he is so talented...oh dear, I'm gushing. But I'm really really happy. And I think Adam Lambert is awesome too...and Danny Gokey, it's just a shame that he really didn't prove his point like the other two....But i'm happy for all three of them...they really deserved to get so far.

Kris won! Yeah!

delay

2009-05-01T22:18:00.000+08:00

yes, I'm suppose to talk about gala.

Unfortunately, I have a terrible, formidable enemy which is the midyear exams...sigh.

So I would be involved in a war for about three weeks....and it's a slim chance I would win this one...

Which means I won't be around to write about how gala rocked until it's over so i'm here to say sorry for the delay.

Now is you'd excuse me, I need to prepare my troops and weaponry.

May your swords stay sharp!

The twist of the knife

2009-04-21T17:13:00.000+08:00

I still had post-gala euphoria (which totally ROCKED, tell u more nxt time), when I found it. It was math period, and I was, in a way, the teacher's assistant in handing up the math exercise papers...that was all we did nowadays, cause she finished the entire syllabus last year. So I was rushing to give back all the papers she had marked and hand up the papers to her so that I can go back and do my OWN work which had been neglected for goodness knows how long.

I opened the drawer, reached in to check if I had forgotten any papers and it just slipped into my hand. A perfect fit. Manila cards, neatly cut to fit the palm of my hand, in colours of yellow and pink.

Debate cards. Debate. KGV.

Rats.

I let out a humongous sigh, the pain of it all came rushing back. I guess I haven't gotten over it. I thought I had. But the twisting pain was still there, breaking my heart. The recovery is taking longer than I thought. Why? I mean, we lost last year too, but I didn't feel this bad. In fact, I never felt this bad before.

I'm beginning to wonder whether I would ever heal.

Now I really want to go back to finish my homework. And studying has never looked so inviting.

Surrender

2009-04-18T00:05:00.002+08:00

I suppose you know we lost in debates....

What am I suppose to say? We were the winners and everyone knew it. And I mean everyone.

So why do these things happen? Whatever happen to fairness and equality?

I suppose you could say that this is life, this is how it has always been. I should accept it, right? But I can't. I just can't.

I am depressed. I really love debating. Not just because it is an English language activity; I love what it is, the very core. The sights the air around the debate hall, the electricity when debating. I love the eloquence and the play of words, the twist of the language to beautiful and intricate knots. I love every single minute of debates; the discussions, the practices, the competitions. Debates is my first love. Why else would I pick it over drama and public speaking? Why else would I throw my entire self into it? And to know that we lost our chance of winning, for the first and last time, because of discrimination and injustice, the very things that should not be present in a debate, just breaks my heart.

To a point, it hurts too that I didn't speak at all. I never had the chance to speak for my school, for my debate team. It is sad for me because this is my last year, and I had been waiting for this one moment. I'm not a good speaker, but I do love to speak. Mind you, I'm not blaming or condemning anyone. I understand my teacher's decision on picking someone else over me, after all they were in debates longer than I was. In fact, I'm happy with her decision because they are much, much better than I could ever be. It just kind of a sad moment for me because I never had a chance, and I never will again. And again, to know that we lost, hurts more than anything. I never thought I could feel so unhappy over a defeat. But I suppose it's because it wasn't suppose to be a defeat in the first place.

I'm still depressed. In fact I find it difficult to get over it. I might never be able to. But right now I don't feel the pain so much because I'm so busy, and to a point I actually embrace that business. I don't want to face the pain and sorrow. I'm also finding it hard to forgive. let go and forget. How am I suppose to forgive something like this? How am I suppose to surrender this? I know it is better for me if I do so. In many ways, I have given up and surrendered. But I still feel the pain. Why? Isn't it suppose to go away when I give it up to God? Shouldn't God take over and take away all the pain? I struggle to be not angry over what has happened. I struggle to forgive those who have caused this pain to me. For example, when I try to listen to debate again, when I recall the things that they said, I get so angry, I stop thinking rationally. Instead of pointing out what went wrong, I look at everything else.

But now I understand. Surrendering is a process, I can't expect my emotions to disappear just like that, or my memory o be wiped out. This IS life. It is full of experiences and phases of emotions. However, when I surrender to God, when I release and let go, I'm trusting God and not myself to get me through this. And maybe now, I'm still angry, I'm still sad and hurt, but I also have the peace of God with me to help me when I am depressed about it. One day, I will be able to listen to the debate again, and not get upset.....maybe....YEARS later?? And one day, I'll truly be able to say I forgive them.....possibly years later too.

Haha, getting very theological, right? But God is everywhere, even in things like these.

Congratulations to SMK BUKIT MEWAH'S debate team, we're the TRUE WINNERS, whatever they say. You guys were really really AWESOME!! Love all of you for making debates such a great experience for me. Kudos to Ara, Melissa and Praveen, the three speakers. I love you all, and none of you screwed anything. A million thanks to Clement, who joined our team last minute. You're such a great debater; how did we survive without you?? Thanks also to Pn Poga for giving us all the help and assistance and surpport and encouragement and food and goodness knows what else. Thanks to Siva Raj (ex-debater) for all the help you gave us, you really set the foundation for our final debate....we couldn't have done it without you. Thanks to Pradeep, Shaki, Chee Jong, Carolyn, Ugen and the rest of our pals who came to surpport us on that day...deeply apprieciate it. Poor Shaki missed his badminon competition for this. I would like to apologize to my team if I said or did anything wrong, and also for not doing as much as I should have. I really tried my best, and I hope that it helped to a certain extent.

That's the end of debates 09. Future debaters, GO FORTH AND CONQUER!!!

And I need to say this, it isn't my line, but I love it anyway...
*ahem*
Siva Raj once said and I quote (and adapted):

"Tiger tiger, burning bright,
In the forest of the night,
My dear oppostion, you are putting up a poor fight,
Not to mention, you are SO NOT right!!"

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Now, to bed!

a very late update

2009-04-11T16:54:00.000+08:00

Haha, I promised you guys by the end of that week, didn't I? So sorry...

Anyway, I wonder what I should update on, because prefect camp is like so over, and prefect gala hasn't started...Interschool CF is so over, and the camp hasn't started...sort of like in between things now.

I think I should say a few things about prefect camp. I think it's the best prefect camp EVER!!!!! Namely because we the AJKS organized it, but trust me, it was no joke...we had more stress before the camp than during the camp. I feel that it's the best prefect camp so far because every activity had its purpose. A very clear purpose, I mean. And I'm glad we made it clear to the prefects wgat the purpose was. I'm sure previous camps had their purposes as well, but because they didn't make it so clear, it kind of felt like a meaningless torture camp. Sorry to any of the ex-AJKS reading this, but that's how I felt. Ouch.

Anyway, the biggest bummer was me losing my voice, and also the fact that some prefects decided not to come last minute. That was very painful for me. All of us did so much planning and preparation, I nearly failed my exam, and this is what they do? Come on.

Anyways, I want to thank a whole lot of ppl. Erm, the list isn't in order or anything so don't feel slighted, ok?
Shaki, nearly killed himself with his pile of work,
Hua Chiam, never respected a leader more,
Ara, your consideration for others put me to shame,
ChinChin, hah! I'm speechless...
Kee Wen, for getting the place, and for the donation
Yu-chen, for tucking me in...
Chee Jong, never seen a more intense worker
Bernard, Carmen, Mugi, Yuven, Belinda, Carol, erm erm erm......walau, never knew there were so many to thank....THANK YOU ALL SOOOO MUCH...really appreciate it.

Ok, My writing skills are horrible, this is a very lame post.....so I'm stopping now. Thanks again to all who have worked hard for the camp...you guys ROCK!!

sorry

2009-03-17T22:55:00.001+08:00

hi, bye.

Yes, that's how busy I am nowadays, very sorry to all who are so eagerly (funnily enough) following my blog.

I want to wite on a lot of things, and I promise that by this week I'll put a post up, but right now I really can't. It's funny apologizing when in the first place this blog is for myself but now I can see that it's for others too.

So once again I'm on my knees craving your pardon on my slowness to update and hoping that you will make my dreams come true by forgiving me and giving me one thing I need right now : time.

a short note-again

2009-02-21T20:05:00.000+08:00

this is just to say that I've deleted the followers feature not because I hate the followers, far from that. I just find it a bit show offy....me being me proud self, see? And I trust that you guys are reading my blog...you guys comment so much on the cbox, I can scroll down now, and I have to keep scrolling and scrolling, haha.

Love it that you guys love my entries, it really encouraging. Would you read my articles in the newspapers or magazine should I ever become a journalist or an article writer or whatever? haha, like that's ever gonna happen...

The Shocking News

2009-02-21T19:12:00.000+08:00

I'm utterly bamboozled, puffled and, well, shocked. Bamboozled is a word, or should be one, in my opinion. After all, them englishy people put the word "googled" in.....
Puffled is a combination of puzzled and baffled...at least that's how I feel it should add up.

Back to the bamboozling news, well, it was that I went for a chess competition. Daerah level, mind you. Yes, it is shocking because I had never went for one in my life (even though I had plenty of chances last year and the year before).

The next puffling news is that I didn't lose all the matches as I predicted. I won three, lost three. That is shocking because I only know how to move them pieces, no tactics, no strategies, nada. The only inspiration I get is through Narnia books (they do discuss battle strategies sometimes), and the Lord of the Rings movies. Well, and recently the Redwall books, the ones that made me go 'yes, sah!' and such? Know them? nevermind....

Another shocking news is that I ranked the 16th out of the 40 girls in me category ( I think I gave away enough information for a stalker to come after me now...oh dear). I though that I wouldn't be even on that honourable list.

But the biggest, most ginormous news(gigantic+enormous), the perfect whopper, the sizzling stunner, the bamboozling befuddlement, the humongous hullabaloo, the unspeakable joy, the dumbfounded moment, the wizard wog-snappit, the cannibalistic effect, the jack-out-the-box surprise, the straight-into-your-gut news, the......ok, ok, just indulging myself there....I don't really know what wog-snappit means....

THE SHOCKING NEWS-MY TEAM GOT SECOND PLACE.

*AWED SILENCE, IN CAPITAL LETTERS*

Ok, so you're wondering what's the big deal. Well, in our school's chess-playing history, we're never really successful, especially the girls. The highest we got is third place (for girls). So this is PECAH REKOD, OK?

Sorry for the capital letters, I'm just so STUNNED.

Thanks to all those in my team, YOU WERE WHAT MADE THIS HAPPEN, not me, the bumbling idiot. Though I have to say I'm pretty impressed with some of the moves I made on that day. I did the classic, king-stuck-in-the-corner-checkmate once (do you even call it that?). I thought that I could never do that, never in my life. I'm so bad at chess. In fact, I was so bad that the first person that I battled with had to tell me that I checkmated her. I was surprised...till the point that I let out a loud 'HUH' for the entire hall to hear. In 15 minutes I checkmated her? No way!

But still, it was really mostly because of my team that we all did so well, so really, I'm UTTERLY, TERRIBLY, DOWN-ON-MY-KNEES-GRATEFUL for making my first and last experience of a chess tournament a memorable one.

Also, HEARTIEST CONGRATULATIONS to the under 18 boys, got third place, and their competitors were much, much better. Salutation to Dinesh in his last game, that was jaw-dropping, supercool style, man! Kudos to Yuven too, you were SPECTACULAR! First place and representing us in NEGERI level, wow!!

ps. bamboozled is a word in the dictionary after all. yay!

A short note

2009-02-17T21:22:00.000+08:00

Guess I will be making a lot of short notes from now on....like little red flags on the map to show you where I am. Let's make this interesting, shall we?

Commader: Progress report!

The Lady Knight (or the bumbling idiot, take your pick): Evenin' sah! Soldier currently forgin' off an attack from them Homework pests, sah! No sight of reinforcements, and 'fraid I'm commin' down with a stinkin' annoyin' flu, sah!

Commander: Anything else, young 'un?

TLK/BI: More bad news, sah! The soldiers are being somewha' confused, sah! Some of ' em don't really know what's happening concerning the mission Prefect Camp, meself included, sah! Also, scounts ahead have found that a charge of debate is cummin' 'round , sah, and it looks bad, sah!

Commander: Think you can handle it, young 'un?

TLK/BI: Will do me best, sah, always do. But the chances of survivn' this are as thin as a rake, sah. Lord SPM still has the upper hand, and the blasted examinations are attacking fro' the other end, sah. We're surrounded, sah.

Commander: No time to jaw then, young 'un. Get back to position, pray hard, and swing them sharp sword harder! We will not give in to them confounded vermin and evil beasts! Down an' at 'em!

TLK/BI: Yes, sah! They'll taste our cold steel, and we won't let 'em go home, no sah!

confundations and blasterations!

2009-02-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

For the sake of some pestering people, i will leave a short note to say that i will not be leaving a short note...which in turn makes me realize that i have just left a short note even though i said i won't....

Yes, crap. I know. Fine. I'll update. But the next time someone asks me to update, I'm cancelling this blog. I mean it.

School is taking its toll on me.....I'm dying to read a good book in one sitting and visit the library everyday but I can't. I can't borrow books either, which promptly crushes my dream of wanting to read all the books in the library before SPM....last I checked, I had about, say, ten thousand over?? Well, it looks that way. So now, whenever I have the time, I run in just to have the air of books around me, that smell of stories that tug at my heart, begging to be read. Of course, it's painful to say no and walk out, but it would be a lot worse if I didn't go in at all. At least I know that I could grab one of them if I wanted, get what I mean? No, you don't. Sigh.

What else? Interschool CF is next week...I'm not as involved as I suspected.Chess competition is next week, and I'm more involved that I suspected. Prefect duties....I have to say that I feel like I'm not doing much....the boys are...feel so sorry for them but they don't seem to want my help so what can I do? Or maybe they do want my help, and I didn't notice. Well then ,sorry!

Teachers are getting on my nerves......2 of them especially. I know I'm not suppose to hate people, and frankly I don't exactly hate them. I just find them excruciatingly annoying and they just epitomize everything that boils me blood....though I can make allowance for one due to insanity, I suppose. Ok, ok, sorry, I shouldn't talk like that....not very good of me.

Well, since my father is yelling at me to get offline, I will hereby use it as a perfect excuse to end my update as I have nothing else to say.

Love Story....Taylor Swift's, not mine

2009-01-10T18:44:00.000+08:00

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony of summer air

See the lights,
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they know
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real,
Don't be afraid
We'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes, oh,

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town and I said:

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said:

Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh,

Oh, oh,

Cause we were both young when I first saw you

-love story, Taylor Swift.

There's something about this song that really erm....I dunno, hit doesn't really seem to be the right word. Strike? Touch? Identified? Left? Ah well, it did something to me. It is a sweet song, maybe not exactly erm...meaningful (it's actually bordering on vanities of vanities methinks). A lot of guys might be tango-ing in the toilet (barf) when the song is played, but it is a very, romantic, sweet-with-extra-sugar song. Probably bad for your health if you take too much of it, but in small doses.....mmmmmmm.

I think every girl (even one as mad and insane as me) would have a secret longing for a Romeo and a perfect love story. I think about love stories, imagine them in my head quite often. I don't write them out, though....Maybe it's because I'm too embarrassed about it. Or maybe certain people will start thinking I'm getting lovesick over somebody, which I am NOT.

I think I'll end my post here. This is just to say that I like this song, NOT that I want a Romeo. Not now. So people who think funny out there (you know who you are), DO NOT write my love story!

ps. Do you guys want the video here? or you couldn't care less?

School!!!! Bye bye.........

2009-01-04T15:55:00.001+08:00

This is just to say that I will not be blogging much unless the opportunity arises. This is because I have entered the land of School.....and this year, Lord SPM has absolute domination and the torment of Homework has increased, not to mention the usual petty enemies known as Tests and Examinations (aka pests and abhor-ations). So, me, the Student and fellow Warrior, has to gird up and put on me armour to do battle with these vicious fiends and monsters, until the reign of the evil SPM is destroyed................yes LAME I know!! But it feels that way.

Of course, I have the usual workload of prefects work, CF (which isn't really work cuz I love it soo much), debates (which is an increasing pressure), Piano (me got exam!!!!!), chess (which has increased, drat), renjer (which will increase, double drat) and maybe drama (argh!) Not to mention the usual avalanche of essay writing competitions which I will NOT join this year....have enuf on my plate for now. Oh, and tuition......how could I forget??

Haha, pretty depressing, is it not? But never fear, because with God's help I will overcome!! (yes even in things this lame....) What I do know is, I have to straightened out my priorities....and most unfortunately, this blog ain't at the top. Ach, you won't miss me, right?? Y'all be busy too.

I won't be online much either, so friends at a distance esp dna'ers, boo hoo (at least for me.....mebbe you are celebrating, hehe). I won't be writing a lot in this blog, either, as aforementioned above......mebbe only once in 2 months? I'll try my best to get some post on....but it won't be easy, so I have no promises...

Anyway, to my fellow comrades in school (esp to hose in f5), together we shall conquer!! To the rest of my readers, and frens at a distance, have a good time in school and live for the Lord Jesus Christ, and may you be a blessing....

Happy School Days! Cheerio!

the little things he did............

2008-12-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

Chester and Clarence Tai are leaving today for New Zealand.

For those who don't know, Chester and Clarence are my church members, and the reason why they are migrating is becuz the entire family is goin. I think it's summin about the mom having a job transfer.

Anyway, this is isn't about why and stuff. This is a little post to say thank you to Chester, for everything he has done.

Chester showed me that the little things you do will sometimes do a lot for someone. Well, the someone being me. I'm quite quiet in church, and not many ppl come and take much notice. That's mostly my fault because I can't make it for the youth group (drat them piano lessons), and I don't exactly open my mouth to get new friends. Heh.

Anyway, Chester was one of the guys who reached out to me. I mean, he didn't start talking and talking like crazy to me, frankly I probably wouldn't like that. But whenever he saw me, he said hi, and whenever I helped him in the OHP, he would thank me later. And somehow, those small gestures really touched me, and made me feel that I wasn't going about unnoticed.

Chester's also someone who was serious about his faith, and yet fun to be around with. In many ways, he set an example for me and became one of my role models.

Clarence. Well, I don't know him too well, because he is way younger than me; but I can see he's really dedicated and has a lot of potential.

I hope and pray that these two will continue to walk in the Lord, and be a blessing to others.

Chester, whether you see this or not, I'd just like to say thanks a lot, everything you did for me, every small gesture, meant a lot to me.

d'NA

2008-12-23T20:54:00.000+08:00

I've finally gathered me thots about my camp, and all I can say is that is I try to give you a report on my amazing experience, I will be indulging myself in those memories, and in the process, bore you to tears. All I can say is, I'm so glad I listen to God's call and went for it, despite being alone, I've learnt so much, in so many ways.

(For those of you who don't know, d'NA stands for the D'Nous Academy. Nous means heart, mind and soul in Greek. )

Anyways, I didn't feel lonely at all while I was there, and I met quite a few crazy people, so I'm not the only mad one around, yay! However, they're all so intelligent and mature, I feel like a 6 year old hanging around with some working young adults!!(who are a bit cracked in the head.)
But in many ways, they're all, well, kindred spirits, in a sense. And the camp officers are really fun and they don't mind me asking questions at all.

Actually, I'm not quite sure what else to say about this camp, not becuz it was boring or anything like that, in fact it was so enriching and fulfilling it'll take a very long time for me to actually finish saying everything, and there are things that somehow just can't be said. I really felt touched by God there, and I gained a lot of knowledge. And every time a lesson is over, there's this nudging in me, asking me the same question, again and again:

How then should I live?

After all the knowledge, experience, and all the amazing things I've received, how am I going to live after that? My life cannot just go back to the same thing. There has to be a change somewhere. I've definitely been renewed, but what am I to do about that now?

I guess I have to live out what I've learnt, and give out what I've received. Hmmmm......it's not going to be easy at all, in fact it will be very difficult, but I have to do my best.

Getting theological, am I not? Ha, this camp has got me thinking a lot, besides having fun.
Anyways, I'll put up a photo album of the camp after Christmas, going to be real busy these days.

I thought of putting up a Christmas's wish list, but I don't find it worth it. I didn't get you guys anything. Besides, I'll probably get a lot from the relatives and my family. And I've already received the greatest gift of Christmas - Christ Himself.

Getting theological again, am I not?

Blessed CHRISTmas to all of you out there! May you never forget the true reason for the season!!

erm....not sure wat title to give

2008-12-16T21:09:00.000+08:00

This is something I wrote on my first day at d'NA...was walking around and found inspiration...but it's a bit lame...heh.

Sing Trees
Sing of Splendor
of Majesty
of Beauty that transcends Human Comprehension.

Sing Birds
Sing of Happiness
of Joy
of Peace and the Everlasting Spring.

Dance Grass
Dance to Music
to Passion
to the rhythm of the Earth Song.

Dance Flowers
Dance with Grace
with Laughter
with the Reckless Abandon of Summer.

That's it...once again, please don't copy n'paste!

I'm back and for the first time, emo...

2008-12-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

I'm back from my d'Nous Academy camp....
I'm so sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was my best camp ever and now it's OVER....
*sigh*
Anyways, I'll be telling you what I've learnt from it and all that..maybe some pics if I know how to add them.(yeah, loser again)
I just realized the reality of my life again...

I GOT HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vanity of vanities..........

Blogache

2008-11-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

I just realized that it’s going to be December really soon. Time really does fly. One moment we were ushering in the beginning of year 2008, and now it’s almost the end.

I’ve been real busy helping out with the annual spring-cleaning of the house; though why we call it spring-cleaning is a mystery to me. There’s no spring here!! Anyway, that’s why I haven’t been bloging much. Actually, that’s a bit of an overstatement. I haven’t been blogging at all! I don’t know why, but I just don’t fell like blogging.

I once said that this blog is for myself. Well, I guess I’m wrong. I hate typing. I loathe doing tedious work. I can’t think of anything when I type. Nothing comes to me. I like writing on paper, not in front of a computer screen. Arnan gets inspired when his fingers are on the keyboard. For me, it’s a pen or pencil between my fingers and paper under my hand.

So this blog isn’t for my personal satisfaction. I guess the reason why I’m not blogging is because no one seems to read it. Everyone else’s blog I go to has followers, comments and tons of things in their cbox. I don’t have many comments, you don’t even need to scroll down my cbox and I got 0 followers. If anyone’s reading this blog, they don’t seem to care much. Maybe I’m a bad blogger.

Let’s face it- I’m discouraged!! *sob sob* (bring out the violins).

So please, please comment. I need some feedback. You can say that I’m a selfish,
self-centered, attention-seeking, obnoxious, narcissistic, emo-minded fistula of flab. I don’t mind. I probably am. But I just want to know that you are reading my blog. I know there aren’t many cool things to do or see here, and my entries may be stupid and boring. Well then, just say so. Hannah, your entries are stupid and boring, and there’s nothing cool in your blog!

That’s the only way I’d know, you know. =p

So, a comment, please? But I prefer you writing in my cbox. Easier to see. Just say something. Can’t be too hard, right? Look….

Something.

See how easy it is?

P.S. Arnan, you owe me. I’ve been following your blog. I want a line from you. And to justify myself, I will be writing more. I even put nice colourful fonts already, see? =p

Step Up Dance Videos...very late!

2008-11-29T22:18:00.001+08:00

Here's the Step Up dance videos that I promised to put up a LOOOOONG time ago. Just figured out how to add videos in my blog this week you see.......

So, hope you'll enjoy the grooves and move it move it too!!

Want more of them? Let me know, ok?

Unbelievable?

2008-11-20T22:21:00.000+08:00

Can you believe this? Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana has just charmed her way into my big bro, Arnan's heart.

MILEY CYRUS!!!!!

Well, maybe that was an exaggeration. He's not having a crush on her or anything; he just likes her. Her songs, that is. Personally, I thought he wouldn't even give a tuppence about her. Funny how people change. He listens to her song Breakout about five times in one day!!

Personally, I like her very much. She's one of my favourite Disney characters. She's better than High School Musical. I like her, because she's as crazy as me, and a lot of people know how to pronounce my name correctly now, thanks to her. Sure, she's done something scandalous, but let's not forget that she's young and very immature. And didn't Venessa Hudgens from HSM did something scandalous too? I'm not justifying their actions, but I guess we shouldn't just look at her mistakes.

All the same, she has accomplished much if Arnan likes her. I'm serious!! His taste for music has changd quite a bit for him to like her songs, he always liked quiet, christian music.

Mr. President Barack Obama

2008-11-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

Finally, The longest and most expensive campaign in the history of America is over. And it has all paid off for one man-BARACK OBAMA.

Congratulations from me goes to Barack Obama, The 44th President of the U.S. of A, and also for creating history by being the very first African-American President America has ever had.
Personally, I've been very much riveted and attracted to this man, much more than McCain. Did you watch his speeches?? They're amazing! The perfect use of words, the way he addresses the crowd, the country, the world....wow. Here's a small snippet off his victory speech:

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where
all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive
in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your
answer.
It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and
churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours
and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they
believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that
difference.
It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat
and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight,
disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we
have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always
will be, the United States of America.
It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day. It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

Man, I wish I could debate like that. He gives me goosebumps. He really makes me believe in change. Our Malaysian politicians can take a leaf out of his book, no offense to anyone.

Also, I feel that he is a perfect representative for America. I mean, America is supposed to be the place where all cultures, races and beliefs melt and fuse together to form one people, right? Barack Obama is the prefect example of that.

That said, he will be facing a great mountain ahead of him, and being in the White House is going to bring a lot of responsibility down on his shoulders. I sincerely hope that all of America will back him up and forget about racial differences, because indeed, united we stand, divided we fall. I think, Obama's slogan applies to all countries, including Malaysia. We can believe in change, and we the people can provide that change. It's been proven in our election this year, and it has proven again in the American election.

Congrats again to the new Mr. President, and may all the dreams you have for the good of America and the world be fulfilled. God bless you.

Fighting Idleness...

2008-11-02T13:20:00.000+08:00

Right now, I feel like everything is over and I'm suddenly on a very long holiday, which I am...exams over, see?

So now I got no more adrenaline. That's the problem when your education system is exam-orientated...the beginning of the year is rush, rush, rush, study, study, study, camps, camps, camps, competitions, debate, piano, EXAM, EXAM,EXAM,until you are fit to burst.

Then suddenly, eh? Over already-ah?

Yeah, I can read all the books I wanted to read, I can write stories, I can continue my novel, but I was focused so long on school that suddenly I feel a bit flaccid. Idleness, that seducing ol' codger is back. He's pulling at me, telling me to rest, to sleep, to do nothing, to moan when there is housework. Oooh, he is one heck of a good persuader.

I've got to fight him off. Excuse me....*WACHAI* * HIYAH!* *POW!* *SMACK* *DISH DISH* *WAKAI* * swinging lightsaber* TAKE THAT!

*ahem*

hehe, You're backing away from your computer screen, aren't you? Aww, don't leave me!
Anyway, these are a few of my battle strategies to fought Mr. Idleness:
1. Read the 2 books required for the d'nous academy camp.
2. Practice piano!
3. Write the debate story
4. Start research for novel
5. badminton!
6. Tidy room, shelves, schoolbag..
7. read......and read....and read.....
8. Aw man! Maths hwk(she's teaching F5, can you BELIEVE this?!)

That's more or less it...oh yes!write in blog,hehe.

Ah-choo! sniff

2008-10-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

I spent the whole of today cleaning up my study table. I've been putting it off for the past 2 years, justifying myself by saying it was an organized mess. Finally, with a year's worth of nagging in my ears, I set myself to it. It shouldn't be too hard, right? It's just a table. Start at one end, and you will finish in no time.
Yeah, right.
It was only when I started did I realized what a messy, disorganized person I am. So much for"Organized mess". It was time for Operation Bulldozer. I can't believe that I've been studying with an inch of dust around me for the whole year! I finished with dust covering me from head to toe, and sneezing so badly that my mom thought I had a cold. But ol' Messy the Parasite has been terminated. At least from my table. There's still the box underneath my table, and all the shelves, and my room....
Anyway, while I was sorting out all the trash I've been collecting, I found all my unfinished stories and poems and doodlings that I thought was lost. There's even the Star Wars parody on my debate team! I'm going to do that one first...and post it here!
I'm doing my room tomorow, I wonder how many days that will take........ACHOO!

YIPEEEEEEEEEEE

2008-10-23T18:01:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER!! I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH PRECIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, don't you DARE start on how I should ready myself for SPM. I want to enjoy myself for at least a MONTH. The battle's been won, the war over, the enemy defeated, the dragon slain, the fellowship reunited, the princess awakened, the treasure found, the king is crowned, the party begins!!

Anyway, there were a few quotes and passages that flew through my mind when I handed up my last paper of the year, and here they are..

And now I don't care even if my tea leaves spell die Ron die, I'm just
chucking them into the bin where they belong.
Ron Weasly concerning his Divination exam in Harry Potter and the Order of
the Phoenix
"I know I messed up Ancient Runes, " muttered Hermione feverishly, "I
definitely made one serious mistranslation. and the Defence Against the Dark
Arts practical was no good at all. I thought Transfiguration went all right at
the time, but looking back -"
"Hermione, will you shut up, you're not the only one who's nervous!" barked Ron. "And when you've got your eleven 'Outstanding' O.W.L.s.."
"Don't, don't, don't!" said Hermione, flapping her hands hysterically. "I know I've failed everything!"
"What happen if we fail?" Harry asked the room at large.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Ah well, Harry, you would do all right if you failed, but I'm doomed. And I know I messed up Sejarah. But what's done is done.
There's so many things I wanna do, so many books i wanna read, I can't wait to start!! But I 'm afraid I got to go for tuition still. Blast!
Have to go now. I'll be posting more next time!

English Finals-Essay

2008-10-23T17:55:00.000+08:00

This is what I wrote for my English exam-have fun!
English essay -Finals
Question (b) – School life is full of fun. Do you agree?

6.00 a.m. My alarm clock rang. I let out a moan, and pushed the accursed thing off my bedside table. It fell on the floor with a crash loud enough to wake the dead, but I went back to Dreamland.

6.30 a.m. Woke up to my mother’s insistent shaking. Thought there was an earthquake and yelled. Glanced at the somewhat broken alarm clock and screamed. I-AM-LATE!!!

7.01 a.m. Flew to school faster than the fastest jet in the world. Was late to report for prefect duty by one stinking minute. Drat. Mr. Head Prefect was in the prefect room and he raised his eyebrows at my entrance. Double drat. I couldn’t give him an excuse because I was panting hard and even if I wasn’t I had no excuse anyway. So I nodded and dashed off to my classroom.

7.15 a.m. I told a girl off for not pinning up her hair and she gave me a glare that made my insides churn. I held my ground, or at least I hope I did. Sigh. Days like this make me want to resign from prefect duty.

7.35 a.m. Two agonizing periods of Additional Mathematics. Add Math teacher marched in and gave us and inspiring lecture n how dumb we were. I loved the way he pronounced “dumb”. It was as if he put every inch of loathing into that word. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. I couldn’t stop saying it. Dumb. I turned to Stephen. We caught each other’s eye and together we said it at the same time: Dumb. And then we cracked up, right in the middle of his lecture. How dumb of us.

8.45 a.m. English. We all had to rush off as fast as we could in our heavy bags to another class because we were, and still are, a floating class. We crashed right smack-dab into the students who were coming out. Took us about ten minutes to get a seat. English teacher was great, though it was hard for her to bring her lessons across when every idiot in class was interrupting her. Naïve and idiotic questions were flying left, right and center. Finally, when she smacked her head in frustration, the boy who was making he most noise turned to everyone and shouted, “Eh, shut up! Teacher’s trying to teach!” I have decided that I will never be an English teacher.

Recess. I brooded on the unfairness and the torture I had to go through. Watching all those students slurping up their noodles and smacking their lips, while I had to stand and carry out my prefect duty, was more than I can bear. Finally, when it was all over, I rushed off to the food counter to grab a bite and promptly lost my apatite and possibly, my breakfast. Went back to the circle of prefects who were chatting. Caroline was complaining to Mr. Head Prefect on how his class was the worst she had ever encountered. He nodded and said nothing, but looked like he was trying very hard not to roll his eyes and cry “Why God, why?”

Chee Jong was trying to talk Ara out of eating the fried fish balls he had bought. He squeezed them into pulp and cried, “See? See? Look at all that oil!!” I think Chee Jong would be a great politician. Imagine him trying to prove Anwar guilty of sodomy. Imagine what he’ll be squeezing. Praveen didn’t feel like going back to class for Physics, and I nearly followed suit when Ara, waving his fish balls, or fish pulp, snarled, “You-are-a-prefect!”

11.00 a.m. Physics. Teacher was trying to explain, above the noise our class was making, about light and reflection. She was explaining a so-and-so’s law about mirrors. The genius, Clement, was asking, “How can there be an inside of the mirror?” Shakilan was screaming, “How can there be an outside reflection when the reflection is inside the mirror?!” Chee Jong was pounding his head and chewing Ara at the same time, don’t ask me how. Carolyn was saying, “Don’t chew the doll!” , meaning Ara. I was wondering what would happen if my reflection and my real self were to get mixed up. James and Stephen were playing a game of catch with ping-pong balls and filter funnels. The boys at the back were playing pool. Teacher looked on the verge of tears.

12.10 p.m. Mathematics. Math teacher slammed down her books and began shrieking at the top her voice about something. I think it was about a boy joining our class. Anyway, she kept going on and on and on and I thought she will never stop. But she did, and said that she will never mention the subject again. 5 minutes later, she started spewing out more. I was shaking with suppressed laughter. James was asleep. Stephen looked about to do the same.

1.20 p.m. Malay. I was already cackling with glee at the funny way our Malay teacher’s hair moves. It jerks here and there, like a chicken sticking its head out. Chee Jong turned around and said. “ Do you know that when he raises hi arms, you can look right through his sleeve and see his armpit hair?” I collapsed with laughter.

1.55 p.m. All of us were packing up and leaving for home. Clement and Kee Wen were having a hot debate on singers David Cook and David Archuleta. Clement was saying that Archuleta’s hot and Cook’s not while Kee Wen was a opposing him in a more violent manner. Ara and I were discussing the thrilling events in the last Harry Potter book and Chee Jong was cracking dirty jokes with Shakilan, which I did my best to ignore. All of us gathered outside the school and started cracking jokes and giving snide remarks about everything and anything. I staggered into Mum’s car with a stitch in my side. Mum stared at me and asked how school was. I choked up my answer: Fun.

3.00 p.m. Had my lunch and my bath. Pulled out a very tattered looking piece of paper from my school bag. It was my English homework. The question was in bold letters.

“School life is full fun. Do you agree?”

I started laughing.

Author’s note: I hope you enjoyed that essay. To all my teachers, those of you who were mentioned in the essay were only because I happened to find you the most interesting out of all my teachers. I’m terribly sorry if I offended you in any way and I am now on bended knee, pleading with you to not take this essay seriously. To all my friends whom I have mentioned above, you shouldn’t be offended either. The reason I wrote above your (and my) crazy antics was because I love all of you and you guys a part of who I am. And for those who were not mentioned, you are extremely lucky as this proves that you are completely normal and I love you too. By the way, the little Anwar joke was not in any way, meant to insult the government or the nation. This is just a crazy, nutty, and completely mad student’s work.

Author’s afterthought: Phew, That’s a lot of apologies for one essay! Of course, please do not copy this off as your own work, okay? I’m may be off my rocker, but I take my essays and writings very seriously and put a lot of work into them. So please, honor the Writer’s Code: No copy n’ paste!

No part of this blog can be copied, reprinted or used in any form without the written or verbal permission of the owner.

Dance and me

2008-09-21T18:46:00.000+08:00

Lately I've been looking at the dance scenes in step up....yes I know it's very late and all of you are probably screaming at me "LOSER" but I honestly don't care. I haven't watch the movie and I'm hoping some kind, wondeful soul out there will lend the vcd ,dvd, whatever to me.

But honestly, the dancing is way cool. The way they merged classical dancing with hip hop is phenomenal. You probably wondering why me, of all people, am talking about dance. Well, this is one little secret I had..until now.

I really, really love dancing.

*embarassed laughter*

Yeah, I always love dancing, ever since I was small. Love to groove, to move to beat, to let my body convey how I feel about the music. (that sounds odd!) I think that dance is the physical art of music. Did I say that right? It's like the score sheet to a song. Every note, every beat, every quaver, is conveyed through the body. Isn't it amazing? Thank God for dance.

I always wanted to learn how to dance. But my parents told when I was 4, that it was either dance lessons, or piano. I chose piano. Not that I regret it, after all, music is the heartbeat of dancing; but I just wish I had gone for dance lessons too. I doubt I can dance now. I can barely touch my toes (oops, another secret out)! But when I'm all alone in the house, and ther's a funky beat, I won't hesitate to get groovin'.

So now when I see Jamie and Chee Jong groovin', or the contestants in so you think you can dance, or anyone for that matter, I'll be like *sigh*, I wish I could do that. But I'll live.

Oh, I dunno how to put videos on my blog yet, (do I hear LOSER again?) but when I do, I'll show you them cool moves on step up. And unless someone lends me the movie, I'' be waiting for tv3 to show it in a few years or so.

FOOD RAP

2008-09-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah I know I put this up on friendster a looong time ago. But hey, everyone is pressuring me to put a new post up and I don't have much time to write anything so...copy and paste. Enjoy! And any you rappers out there, hope you "dig" this.
But please folks, please refer to rule number 1 in my first post and stop pressuring me! I'm studying!

Food
Chocolate cookies, vanilla ice-cream
A Cadbury bar, just for me
I don’t care about the waist line
Just give me a piece of pie
Sundaes, cocktails,
Bags of Twisties, it’s on sale!
Let the weighing machine scream
I need more chocolate cream
And everybody sing: Food, food, food, oooohhhh
Food, food, food, glorious food
You see, you live only once
And you can’t live it twice
Spend your one life on a diet
The day you die you wish you’d feasted
Cause your body shape ain’t more important
Than your one time enjoyment
When you finish your stick modeling
You’d wish you were eatin’
More than your salad greens
And pieces of lettuce
Should have tried the roti canai
Instead of those tissue (!?)
But don’t just listen to me
It won’t help the issue
Get out there and try a well done steak
It’ll prove itself to ya
And everybody sing: Food, food, food, oooohhhh
Food, food, food, glorious food

No part of this blog can be copied, reprinted or used in any form without the written or verbal permission of the owner.

Hello all!

2008-09-09T18:41:00.000+08:00

This is it. Finally, for better or for worse, I have a blog. Behold, O World Wide Web, the ultimate craziness of ME!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Anyway, I just like to mention a few things concerning my blog:
1. I will not be commited. Meaning, I will not be blogging frequently. You won't hear from me for a loooong time, simply because I am a plagmatic. But I 'll try to update as often as possible.

2. I will not be succumbed into writing about my boring, mundane daily activities, simply because they are boring and mundane. If I decided that I battled with a dragon instead of struggling with tons of homework, so be it.

3. I hope that none of you out there would do the despicible act, known as "copy n' paste". I can't stop you (why would you want to do that anyway??) but I hope you can stop yourself. If you can't, then you will forevermore remember that you have pushed me into the depths of despair and turned my life into a graveyard of buried hopes. May you sleep with an easy conscience (not).

That's all from the Dysfunctional Pilgrim now. Oh, and the reason I called this blog the dysfunctional pilgrim is because I am dysfunctional (abnormal or unhealthy intepersonal behaviour), and in many ways, I am a pilgrim who is trying her utmost best to produce ripples in this world before returning home.